Christopher Daniels and Kazarian (c) vs. A.J. Styles and Kurt Angle
TNA World Tag Team Championship
Steven Gepp: Remember the days when TNA had a tag title scene that made WWE’s look like the second-rate crap it has been for too long? Remember how we thought Joe & Magnus would be the makeshift team that would restore TNA’s tag team division? Where are Joe & Magnus? Where’s their rematch? Instead they have gone the WWE route and are using the tag titles as mere story enhancers, without giving any thought to the titles themselves. This isn’t to say Daniels & Kazarian should not be tag team partners or even champions, but it has become merely a rather forgettable backstory to the rather forgettable front story of AJ and Dixie snogging. Despite that, this has the potential to be a match of the year (if you can ignore the stupid story-lines), but I have a feeling we’ll see Serge, Dixie, Nascar driver Will Power, and the returning Ric Flair all interfere to create an absolute clusterf**k. You know, I already miss Russo.
Winner: Daniels/Kaz
Rhett Davis: Well this is a whacked out angle in which AJ has been distracted by the relationship with Dixie and the unraveling of it by Daniels/Kazarian. I think that A.J. will be distracted by either Dixie or Daniels threatening to harm her so Kazarian will get the win for his team. This could possibly lead to a Angle fighting A.J. in order to get his head on straight.
Winners (and STILL TNA WOrld Tag Team Champions): Formerly Fourtune or Daniels and Kaz
Bobby Roode (c) vs. Sting
TNA World Heavyweight Championship
Steven Gepp: Of course! A man we haven’t seen for months comes back and is thrust into the main event title scene! Because heaven forbid we get real challengers and whatnot. The World Title is supposed to mean something, but I guess TNA have been watching WWE and want to reduce it to the status of just another glorified crap prop. This is Slammiversary! This is one of their big shows! How about giving Storm his rematch? Or maybe give Aries a chance to tear the house down with Roode? No, we need to have a wrestling senior citizen in the title scene because that worked so well for WCW! And I have the awful feeling that they are going to do more WCW crap. But surely Sting will insist on doing the right thing. You know, I already miss Russo.
Winner: (and I hope I’m wrong) Sting
Rhett Davis: Well lets do the math, Sting has gotten the upper hand at every occasion and Sting does not need the belt. Plus how would Sting totally burying Roode for three weeks and then winning at the PPV do for the IT Factor? They’ve built him up for over 200 days as the World Champion only to get buried by an old man? Nope. Roode wins through dastardly deeds.
Winner (and STILL TNA World Heavyweight Champion): The IT Factor
Bully Ray vs. Joseph Park
Steven Gepp: I don’t think this stupid excuse for an angle will result in this match. Abyss will come out, maybe they’ll even get Penn Jillette to play Joseph for a brief period, and the match will just be one huge waste of PPV time. Or they could go the “it runs in the family” psychological route, and make some deep and meaningful statement about the nature of mental illness and show that Joseph is just as twisted, sadistic and moronic as Abyss and have a match that way. You know, I already miss Russo.
Winner: No contest
Rhett Davis: This is the greatest angle on television currently, and I’m intrigued to see how they run the Abyss appearance. Will it be a backstage segment that’s edited? Or will it be another person in the role of Abyss now? It’ll be worthwhile even if this match absolutely blows. As for who wins, a loss can’t hurt Bully as he went without a blemish after losing to Austin Aries last month. So Joseph Park wins perhaps due to outside distraction by Abyss.
Winner: The Attorney Behind the Mask
Devon and Garrett Bischoff vs. Robbie E and Robbie T
Steven Gepp: Devon’s looked good since his return… I think. The problem is he’s fought Robbie E (who is crap), Garrett Bischoff (who is green and crap), and Robbie T (who isn’t as crap as he appears in TNA, but is booked that way). For God’s sake, give him some other opponents Help give the title the prestige (… mmmph… sorry, almost choked on my cornflakes) they want it to have. You mean only 4 people in the whole company want this belt? Okay, that I can believe, but still… You know, I already miss Russo.
Winner: Devon & Garrett
Rhett Davis: Ugh. Devon and Garrett Bischoff? Really? Anyways, they are teaming up against the Robbies for nothing really. This match will probably be just passable as none of these guys are really phenomenal in the ring. Let’s hope that the faces win so we can just move on from Devon/Robbie E.
Winners: Team 3B (Bischoff, Bad, and Boring)
Gail Kim (c) vs. Brooke Tessmacher
TNA Women’s Knockout Championship
Steven Gepp: So… what did I miss? She’s no longer Brooke because apparently wrestling fans can’t have two people with the same first name (despite there being two Robbies on the roster). Challengers for the Knockouts Title are chosen randomly. And Gail Kim is still champion. Right. That’s about all this deserves. Now, look, this is going to be better than anything WWE has put out this year, but will still not hold a candle to the RCW women’s title match. You know, I already miss Russo.
Winner: Gail Kim
Rhett Davis: This wasn’t a bad women’s match at the last PPV so this shouldn’t be too bad. This time I see Gail Kim narrowly getting by again by using some dastardly deed.
Winner (and STILL Knockout Champion): The Kong Conqueror Kim
Crimson vs. TBA
Open Challenge
Steven Gepp: The mystery opponent will be either (a) Matt Morgan, or (b) Joey Ryan. Either way, this so-called stupid streak thing continues (I’ve counted at least 3 losses; Goldberg even won battle royals) because, well, they don’t have anything else. You know, I already miss Russo.
Winner: Crimson
Rhett Davis: Hmm… not really sure who this could be, but it may be the return of Matt Morgan since these two have unfinished business. However, no matter who it may be, I think Crimson will continue his winning streak.
Winner: The Amazing Red’s Brother
Austin Aries vs. Samoa Joe
Steven Gepp: Please just let these two tear the house down, even if just for the hell of it. Please. This is one match where I don’t care about the non-existent back story; I just want to see if Joe is motivated again, and if Aries really is the best wrestler in TNA. It’s a throw-away match, but should be good anyway.
Winner: Joe
Rhett Davis: I expect this match to be awesome. As in ‘This is awesome’ chants will be heard throughout this match. As for who wins… why should Austin Aries lose? He’s on a role and Samoa Joe is losing everything. Sounds like a good man for Austin to win and look great doing it.
Winner: Double A
Jeff Hardy vs. Mr Anderson vs. Rob Van Dam
#1 contender for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship
Steven Gepp: The screw-up against the over-rated against the unmotivated. Wow – this should be a match for the ages! Goddam it, James Storm should be the number 1 contender! But I think I can see where this is headed. RVD looks like he’s come back for the money and easier travel schedule, because since his return he’s been sleepwalking through TNA. Anderson is just a waste of ring space. After as many years as he’s been in the business, shouldn’t he have improved in the ring by now? But it’s Hardy who brings the girls and the merch sales and some of the money, so, well, ladies and gentlemen, here’s your next TNA champion. And a pretty piss-poor decision that’ll be as well.
Winner: Jeffles
Rhett Davis: Well Sacrifice’s match between Anderson and Jeff sucked so maybe RVD can make this watchable. Regardless, I can’t believe we’ve had Anderson out of the title picture for so long. Then again we have Hardy who we love to thrwo in the title scene too… Hmm… I just know RVD isn’t winning. So I guess we’ll see Mr. Anderson and Jeff Hardy both pinning RVD so we get a three way match at the next PPV.
Winners: The Charismatic Enigma and The Asshole
Hernandez vs. Kid Kash
Steven Gepp: Wha? Why? I mean, seriously, why? You know, I already miss Vince Russo.
Winner: Hernandez?
Rhett Davis: What? Is this a Pre-Show match on YouTube? Where have these guys been? Have they been on TNA’s version of Heat or something? Anyways… we have a match here… for no reason.
Winner: The Mexican Musclehead
Final Thoughts
Steven Gepp: You know, I already miss Vince Russo. Since he’s gone the story-lines have either become more confusing, more convoluted or just straight-out dumbed-down versions of WWE or WCW story-lines. This show has two potentially good matches in the tag title match and Joe/Aries, a potentially watchable one in the women’s title match and a whole heap that I am cringing just thinking about. This new ear, new evolution, new freakin’ chocolate bar of TNA has produced something new – more stupidity than ever before. I want TNA to succeed. In the past 3 years TNA have produced more awesome PPV matches than WWE. But 2012 has been a ten-year celebration to forget. Remember Wrestlemania X? Well, Slammiversary X is going to be the anti-Wrestlemania X. It’s like that opposite DC universe where Superman wore black and was evil and crap like that. Only even that makes more sense than half of this card. Come on, TNA – you can do better than this!
Rhett Davis: Well it looks like a pretty good show. The Aries/Joe match looks promising and I’m interested to see how the Bully/Parks match goes. The Styles/Angle vs Daniels/Kaz match could be good if the storyline doesn’t screw everything up. The triple threat also has promise. The rest just looks okay with the exception of the Roode/Sting match which really seems to be overrated.
