The SmarK Rant for TNA Impact – 07.05.12

The SmarK Rant for TNA Impact – 07.05.12

Live from Orlando, FL

Your hosts are Mike Tenay & Taz

Bully Ray has a big big big huge announcement to start us out.  He’s going LIVE on Twitter.  I hope he bullies people on Twitter, too.  He’s sick of Joseph Park and thinks he’s a COWARD.  This will not stand, so Joseph joins us and Bully accepts the challenge for next week.  Park gives us some legal discourse and points out that he already beat Bully Ray, and he’s SICK OF Bully Ray.  This is great, as he cuts off Bully’s loudmouth promo by telling him to shut up, and Bully immediately backs off.  Because he’s a BULLY.  However, Ray has one last twist for the match:  A restraining order against Abyss, which bars him from the arena that night.  Park is aghast, and Bully lays him out on the way out.

Meanwhile, Hulk Hogan retrieves the X title from Austin Aries.

Meanwhile, Dixie ducks some questions about the ongoing soap opera.

TV title:  Devon v. Crimson

Crimson attacks before the bell and rolls him up for one, then goes for the pin in the corner for two.  He pounds away in the corner and adds a clothesline for two.  Devon comes back with a great spear and adds the corner splash, but Crimson cuts him off with a clothesline for two.  He uses the tights in exaggerated manner and argues the point, which allows Devon to hit the spinebuster to retain at 2:01. *1/2   And then Madison Rayne comes out and reveals that her secret crush is…Earl Hebner.  Earl is apparently into it.

Chris Sabin joins us to talk about his latest knee injury.  His friends and family are telling him that maybe he should find something to do with his life, and even his doctor doesn’t think that coming back from a second ACL reconstruction is a very good idea.  But before he can announce anything, Bobby Roode interrupts, and he’s disgusted with the entire X division.  It’s all risk and no reward, and to demonstrate that he KICKS THE LEG OUT OF HIS LEG.   Roode is a tremendous asshole here, mocking him until Aries makes the save.  That is some great old school pro rasslin’ shit.

X Division tournament:  Dakota Darsow v. Flip Cassanova

These are like random name generators or something.  But no, Dakota apparently IS the son of Barry Darsow, so there you go.  Darsow attacks and pounds away, but Cassanova takes over with a variety of flips and a standing moonsault for two.  Darsow comes back with a dropkick, but Flip hits a springboard dropkick and flips into a headscissors to put Darsow on the floor.  He follows with a nutso corkscrew dive.  God I wish they’d tone that down.  Back in, a flying bodypress is reversed by Darsow, and he gets a legdrop for two.  Darsow misses a moonsault and he’s gushing blood from the nose, so you gotta respect that.  Flip with a flying bulldog and he goes up again to finish with a badly fucked up 450 shooting star press.  Oh man, I hope Darsow doesn’t have broken ribs after that.  This was some sloppy indy geek nonsense and I hope they ship both guys back to the bingo hall after that.  Flip moreso, he wasn’t just bad, he was DANGEROUS.  ½*

Madison Rayne & Gail Kim v. Miss Tessmacher & Tara

Rayne attacks Tessmacher on the floor and the heels control her in the corner, and Kim gets a clothesline for two.  Tessmacher fights back and dodges a bodypress attempt to get two.  Over to Tara, and she runs wild on Rayne and gets a suplex and sideslam for two.  Gail breaks up the Widow’s Peak, but the heels collide and Tara hits it on the second try.  Tessmacher finishes with the final cut at 2:53.  This was fine.  **

AJ Styles joins us and he doesn’t get why everyone is lying about him.  Daniels & Kazarian interrupt with APPLETINIS and accusations of impregnating junkie whores.  AJ brings it back to the match with Daniels on the PPV and promises to beat him up real good this Sunday.

Meanwhile, a mysterious messenger drops off a note for Hulk Hogan, and it’s ACES AND EIGHTS.  We will find out more next week.  They would be the masked men who attacked Sting, and they are NOT cowards.

X Division tournament:  Kenny King v. Lars Only

Yeah, I’m thinking Kenny is going over here.  King of course was something of a star in ROH, and Only is the indiest indy geek who ever geeked.  King gets a C4, but Only takes him down into the ropes and this a kick from the floor for two.  He dropkicks King to the floor, but runs into a leg lariat that gets two.  Only reverses a suplex into a small package for two, but King tosses him and hits a somersault senton off the apron.  Back in, that gets two.  King with a Pele Kick for two.  King misses a springboard legdrop and Only makes a comeback and puts King on the floor.  King evades a dive attempt, but makes the fatal heel error of pointing to his head to indicate intelligence, getting caught with a rana as a result.  Back in, Only tries a tornado DDT and then badly messes up a legsweep, and they fight on top.  King wins that one and finishes with a TKO type thing that looked wicked at 5:20.  Way too long, as from a storyline perspective King should have squashed the shit out of that goof.  He still got himself over bigtime here.  **1/2

BFG Series:  James Storm v. Jeff Hardy

They fight for the headlock to start and exchange near-falls, with Hardy trying an early Twist of Fate to send Storm running to the floor to regroup.  Storm runs away for a bit and we take a break.  Back with Storm working him over in the corner, but Hardy gets a legdrop for two.  Storm comes back with clotheslines, but Hardy hits the atomic drop into the legdrop for two.  Storm with an inverted DDT for two.  Storm charges and Jeff backdrops him to the floor, but slingshots down and lands in a codebreaker.  Now THAT’S a unique spot.  Back in, the crowd is nuts for Hardy, and Storm hits him with a lariat.  Blind charge misses and Hardy mule kicks him in the corner, but misses the swanton.  Storm goes up with a flying elbow for two.  Storm wants the superkick, but Jeff can’t stand, so Storm stands him up…and Hardy hits the Twist of Fate for the pin and 7 points at 14:00.  Ah, very sneaky.  They had a shaky start, but as Tim Gunn would say, they worked it out and had a hot series of stuff to end it.  ***1/2

Hulk Hogan is out to reveal the location of Bound For Glory, but Bobby Roode interrupts and reiterates that Option C is a failure.  Aries comes out, tells Roode off, and lays him out with the X belt before surrendering it to Hogan to end the show.

The Pulse:

Although the Destination X PPV looks stacked (Roode-Aries, Angle-Joe, Styles-Daniel, X tournament) , Silva-Sonnen is still the only thing getting my money this weekend, because SILVA-SONNEN.  Not your fault, TNA, sorry.  This was some good old school PPV build, though, and I continue to dig this show, but wish they’d stop bringing in NXT rejects who do 4 flips before every punch.

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