THE RAGER! – So They Didn’t Forget About the Big Gold Ladder (Money in the Bank, CM Punk, Dolph Ziggler

I’d like to start this off by admitting that I was incorrect last week when I stated that the Money in the Bank pre-show match was R-Boom (I’m too lazy to say both names but not too lazy to explain my laziness, this is why I’m running for president in 2024) against Primo and Epico. However, as pointed out by Mike Gojira, it was, in fact, Hunico and Camacho that faced the tag team champs. One could argue that since Primo and Epico DID in fact find their way onto the MitB card, I was merely seeing into the future and let it slip out onto this column. But, in our world, what I did is constituted as a mistake and for that I apologize and I vow that, following the completion of this installment, I will punish myself in the most disgusting manner imaginable (watching the Heavyweight Championship MitB match but only the Tensai parts).

Pre-Show Match:
Kofi Kingston and R-Truth vs Hunico and Camacho
Let this be known that I like Hunico so much more as a wrestler than I do Sin Cara. Don’t get me wrong, the Hunico and Camacho character are appallingly terrible and just lazy writing but Hunico seems to be the far less botch-y than Sin Cara. As well all know, Cara is really just a droid that’s fluent in botch-y (I will run that joke into the ground because despite Cena’s efforts, wrestling and Star Wars CAN coexist). As for the match, it was fine. I was eager to finally get to see something from Camacho in the ring but then I blinked.

World Heavyweight Championship MitB:
Going into this match, I knew that this match had the greatest potential for high spots but also ran the risk of having some bad low spots. Turns out that I was right on both accounts because Cody was absolutely golden, as was Ziggles (assuming that nonsense on the turnbuckle was Cara’s fault), Kidd and Christian. That leaves Sin Cara, Damien Sandow, Tensai and Santino.
Sandow was in the middle for me, as far as his performance. Had some slower spots that just seemed a bit awkward but was overall pretty solid. I’m gonna use his inexperience as an out for this (and that has nothing to do with the fact that I’m completely enamored by the guy).
Santino was just a nothing to me because I felt absolutely nothing by his involvement. Having him in the match did absolutely nothing to improve (some would argue it hurt) the match overall. There’s absolutely nothing to gain in having a comedy wrestler in a match like this. Of course, one could point to him being in the Elimination Chamber earlier this year and I didn’t have a problem with it. That’s because there less comedy schtick and Santino came about as close to wrestling as he can get. MitB, however, he was in full schtick mode and felt like he got in the way.
Tensai…I just…I don’t know. I come out here every week and I talk about how horrible he is NOW and how terrible of a character he is NOW and how its painful to watch him NOW. I don’t give a crap what he did in Japan and what all he was able to accomplish there, great for him and sounds like it was great for the Japanese fans. But this industry has the shortest attention span (fitting to have a under 18 demographic of 21% with in intent of making that a higher percentage) and from that standpoint, Tensai has been absolutely horrific to watch. I completely fail to see a position left that anyone could take to defend Tensai in his current state in WWE.
And Sin Cara…just wow. Yes, when he gets things right, its pretty fantastic. However, when he gets something wrong, its huge and almost wipes out all of his positives. This match was basically the same for him. The botched turnbuckle move (as previously mentioned) was probably the worst botch I’ve seen in a long long time.
The spot of the match definitely went to Tyson Kidd’s whatever-you-call-it slam on Ziggles off the ladder. Christian’s spear was a close 2nd but something just didn’t seem right, I’m assuming its probably me trying to compare it to Edge’s infamous ladder spear. That thinking is probably unfair to Christian but still, something seemed off with it. Honorable mention was Ziggler landing upside down in a desk chair (obviously the credit goes to the projectile and not the thrower).
Like I said, Cody was easily the MVP of this match. He had great spot after great spot (shame Santino no-sold that dropkick) and Ziggler got the runner-up MVP but I am glad that he ended up winning (understatement of the year?).

World Heavyweight Championship Match:
Sheamus(c) vs Alberto Del Rio
I didn’t care about this match and I still don’t care about this match. I’m bored with both wrestlers and I’m ready for someone, anyone else (even Mysterio) to hold the belt. Just cut your losses with Del Rio and shove Sheamus back to the midcard. I’m starting to not care to the point of all most hating Sheamus completely (already there with Del Rio).

Tag Team Match:
Primetime Players vs Primo and Epico
Because the tag team champs shouldn’t be on the actual pay per view, right? Right.
AW is great on the mic but doesn’t need to ALWAYS have a mic
I still see Darren Young as John Cena from the hairline down.
Poor Titus, every time I see him, all I can think about is the unfortunate and accidental “hacked” tweet.
Primo looked like a million bucks and Epico wasn’t far off.
Rosa seriously can not dance, can she? I’m guessing that’s not a big thing in the land of Canadia.
AW took a money shot and I giggled.
The End.

WWE Championship:
CM Punk(c) vs Daniel Bryan (AJ as special ref)
Going into this match, I had assumed this would be the finale of their summer feud and so I had high hopes but had disbelief of it topping Over the Limit. Afterwards, I can say that this match somehow found a way to top it and was such a great natural progression from the previous ppv’s. Over the Limit had very little story between the two men but was an amazing technical showcase. No Way Out was almost completely story driven, everything from Kane’s involvement to the growing tension between Punk and Bryan to AJ and all her crazy. And then in Mitb, it was a healthy mixture of both story and wrestling but careful not to stifle the technical aspect. The best part was AJ placing the chair in the middle of the ring and, like rabid animals, completely disregarded for other weapons that might have been closer but went straight for the target in sight. All of that while AJ was amused in the background but then snapping to reality at several points, as if her character realizes the responsibility of a ref to be partial. I thought it was a fantastic ending to a great summer feud.

Ryback vs Curt Hawkins and Tyler Rex
Hey at least he’s facing actual roster talent, right? Right? Guys?

Divas Tag Match:
Did anyone else forgot there was a Divas division besides AJ?

WWE Championship MitB match:
I’ll go ahead and say Miz was surprisingly great in this match, considering he’s been away for two months. Everything just seemed to click for him and kinda made me want to see something between him and Jericho.
Chris Jericho was Chris Jericho and in a match like this, that’s really all you could want. Had some great high spots and helped keep the pace up in the match.
I’ve said this before but I really don’t know what it is but Kane is really hitting his stride right now and that continued. Normally, I roll my eyes at bigger guys involved in these matches yet in some inexplicable way, Kane finds a way to find right in.
In regards to Big Show, firstly I will state that I called the use of the huge gold ladder and I’m glad WWE remembered because a precedent was made, people. However, WWE wants me to be impressed by Big Show and his performance? How am I supposed to be impressed by something that, essentially, got to take a nap in the middle of the match under a comically large number of ladders? Exactly.
John Cena seemed to mostly stay out of the way and yet swoop in to get the win. Wasn’t terrible but horribly predictable.

So that was Money in the Bank. How did you feel about it? What were your favorite moments?

Remember to catch this week’s episode of the Classy Ring Attire podcast right here on Pulse Wrestling, you can also listen to us by subscribing to us on iTunes. Send all of your thoughts, ideas and hatred to us on twitter (@CRAttire) or email (classyringattire@gmail.com)

Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do twice,
Chris

The Answer: I have a book on anti-gravity, I just can’t put it down

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