The Bachelorette 2012 – The Men Tell All Episode Review – “Bros Without Roses”

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Yawn. I was all excited for a fresh episode of The Bachelorette on Monday night, and then my mom reminded me that it was just “The Men Tell All”. The men tell what? There didn’t seem anything to tell, this has been a pretty tame season.

What does Emily really think?

We kicked things off with Emily and Chris Harrison galloping off to the fantasy suite chatting about the controversial guys from this season. Ryan is a jerk who told her not to get fat, Kalon is a jerk who called her kid a suitcase, Doug is a sad sack who tried to smooch her while she was giving him the kiss-off. Yeah yeah yeah, we already knew all this! At the very least, at least we have a pretty honest Bachelorette in Emily.

Why didn’t any of this material make this cut?

  • Emily spilling wine and cursing in front of her date. The dude may not have survived, but the gown did. Hey girl, at least you were drinking white.
  • Um, singing a lullaby to the egg? This guy took the lessons from seventh grade family studies class waaaaay too seriously.
  • Arie’s adorable young twin brothers were spying on Emily and Arie while they kissed. Why didn’t we get to see more of those boys?
  • Chris is THE WORST DANCER. Did he have a neck cramp? What was that?

Get ready for regular STD testing!

Next week, Bachelor Pad begins. Everyone’s favorite show that makes you want to throw bleach on your TV and, frankly, yourself.

Mike Stagliano is back? But I like him! There are too many people on this season who I thought were at least two notches up from disgusting. What are they doing here? (Also? Be prepared for these “fans” to be extra slutty.) And I don’t want to here ANYONE say they are there for their kids. No, no, no, no, NO. Not a valid excuse to humiliate yourself on TV. And of all the people to fall for Kalon, pony-loving Lindzi? Yikes. And Chris is such a douche! Oh man. This says terrible things about me, but I can’t wait for this show. Shut up – it’s my professional duty, OK? I do it for you!

Let’s hear it for the boys!

Oh, my poor home-province Aaron is stuck in the back row. That’s what happens when you get such an early exit. Way to represent for Nova Scotia, buddy. Sean obviously got the biggest cheers. This guy is meant to be the next Bachelor, unless Ali’s ex Roberrrrto already has the gig.

The first guy on the hot seat was Chris. Well, there’s no way I’m taking a stand in defense of this guy after seeing some clips of him on Bachelor Pad. Yes, Chris, you are an immature sleezeball not worthy of Emily!

Next was Kalon, an-zzzzzzzzz. Oh sorry. I fell asleep for a moment there when they were recapping everything we’d already seen. I’m not even going to bother to recap what was said. We all know Kalon is, and will continue to be, a jackass.

Then we had an interview with another guy who is, and will continue to be, a jackass. By the way, was it just my TV or was Ryan the color of an oompa loompa?

Honestly you guys, this was all so boring. Yes, we all love Sean. It’s lovely that he has moved on from his heartbreak. But he didn’t exactly have a lot of interesting things to share. The only other thing from the episode I thought was worth noting was how AWESOME it was when Emily took down Kalon. Best Bachelorette ever?

What did you guys think? Is it just me, or was that show super boring?

You can follow Jill at her blog,, or on Twitter @jillemader Jill has been an avid fan of TV since the age of two, when she was so obsessed with Zoobilee Zoo that her mother lied and told her it had been canceled. Despite that setback, she grew up to be a television aficionado and pop culture addict.