Well I’m drunk. Not just a bit merry but oh my god hide the car keys because he’s going to kill an embryonic classroom of meth smoking, Priest-cock sucking cohort of kids if you give him the keys to a car that does not just go up and down because its nailed to the ground because it’s actual some elaborate fair ground round. Either way this is going to be one of the more interesting live blog in Inside Fights history.
Oh btw, between fights I’m going to give you one of five reasons why Britain is awesome at the Olympics sports and why Ryan is a bad VP pick. Reason #5 = We win lots of gold medals and medicare.
Justin Lawrence vs. Max Holloway
Round One
Holloway is in blue. Okay I know who is actually fighting now. That is good. Why7 is this on the man card again? Another kinda kempo kick again. Holloway lands a straight punch. Holloway clips Lawrence. Lawrence kips ducking and moving when Holloway mounts offense. Holloway throws the jag and some kicks. Lawrence tries the overhand punch but it’s blocked. Holloway attempts a kick to the body but it lands low. ANYONE WOULD THINK HE DOES KEMPO KARATE!!! Lawrence walks off balls death. Well done. Holloway is pushing the action. Holloway tries a hook but Lawerence attempts a takedown. Doesn’t work and we’re back in the centre of the Octagon. Lawrence lands a low kick. Lawrence lands a nice overhand punch. Holloway misses but apparently that means he’s finding his rhythm according to Rogan. Lawrence is winning this standup battle. Holloway tries a flying knee and catches Lawrence low – did I mention he did KEMPO KARATE!?! Lawrence 10-9….although it’d be a 10-7 round if low blows were legal as in KEMPO KARATE!!!!
Round Two
Of course if Holloway wants to prove he’s a true Kempo Karate specialist then he will move from the low blow to the eye poke at some point. Otherwise he’s some lame anorexic Cheick Kongo wannabe. Lawrence tries some non-kempo karate and actual lands something. Not only that but its above the waist. Whowouldhavethunkt! Nothing is really happening – yet another reason to regret the lighter weight classes leaving the smaller WEC cage. Crowd is noticing nothing is happening – SO YOU KNOW NOTHING IS HAPPENING! Holloway connects with a clean right hand and a body kick. Lawrence misses with a right hand but ducks under a Holloway counterpunch. Holloway does well with a double jab and right cross. Statistics say Lawrence is landing but I haven’t seem him doing anything of note. So I DEMAND an excel spreadsheet to prove he’s landings something. Fuck off Joe Rogan – I ain’t looking at his face – I want a spreadsheet. Lawrence tries a takedown but it is unsuccessful. Holloway’s doing well in connecting with his lead punches. Lawrence tries to fire back but Holloway is fighting within himself and yet is still comfortable. Holloway tags Lawrence with a knee and then a BidentalkingaboutObamabeforehewashisboss left hand, and all of sudden Holloway is all over him to secure the finish at 4:49 of the second.
Max Holloway defeated Justin Lawrence via TKO at 4:49 of the second round
Okay time for second reason Team GB is awesome at the Olympics and Paul Ryan is a bad VP pick; we’ve lot’s of medals and medicare.
In other news ESPN has been confirmed as broadcaster of UFC in the UK. Which is great because I get to pay a tenner a month for a shit channel with nothing but UFC i want to watch. And to make it even better they can’t even get their shit together enough to broadcast the prelims. NOOOOOOO! They need to watch random American sports in the two hours before a UFC main card starts. Praise be for the Disney gods that make sure we only get to see three hours of each UFC event on TV. They make sure we in the UK are not spoiled unlike you yanklee-doodle fully-toothed happy-go-lucky good-at-swimming sons-of-bitches-that-use-to-be-ours.
Yushin Okami vs. Buddy Roberts
So which one of these guys is Sakuraba? And is the other guy The Nature Boy!?! Oh great we have Rogan and Goldberg arguing over RANKINGZ~!. Seriously shoot me know. You know what’s incredible? Marvel Comics has enough common sense to put on a big event for 150 issues of some random no-name comic. The UFC on the otherhand puts this bullshit match on UFC 150. And you thought Stan Lee was some crack addled son of a whore with a stamp collection that was piss poor compared to Hitler’s personal coffee maker New paragraph because the play by play has to go to Fox…in 3…2…1…
HERE WE GO! Roberts rushes Okami. Roberts looks undersized. Roberts clips Okami with an overhand right. Clips him again. Roberts wings another punch but misses. Okami connects with a straight punch. Okami takes centre stage but Roberts connects with a left hook and hurts Okami. Okami ties Roberts up and looks for the takedown up against the cage. Roberts is fightng it but Okami has his back. Okami finally gets him down after Roberts puts a hell of a fight. Roberts attacks off the back. Okami in Roberts guard but at the moment unable to really mount any offense. Okami looking to move to side control but Roberts resisting. Okami manages to move to full mount, then Roberts rolls on his stomach to save himself. 10-9 Okami.
This is like George South fighting Ric Flair. Great Stuff.
If you’re not sure who’s George South…I’m sorry…but you don’t get the reference.
Round Two
Roberts tries to push the action but is buckled by Okami. He does however fire back with a solid left. Okami bull-rushes forward to tie up Roberts. He drags Roberts to the floor but its so unclean that it shows why he cannot perform against anyone with any takedown defense. Okami on top in half-guard but is not really mounting much offense. Okami manages to move to full mount. Roberts gives up his back and Okami has the same positional advantage he had towards the end of the first round with Roberts complete flat on his stomach as Okami lays in the punches. Herb Dean has seen enough and ends the fight at three minutes and five seconds.
Yushin Okami defeated Buddy Roberts via TKO at three minutes and five seconds of the second round.
Well, well…this time Ric Flair defeats George South. Has that happened before…(checks with editor)…YES I CAN CONFIRM THAT HAS HAPPENED BEFORE.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! ESPN is trying to promote the Edinburgh derby as a replacement for the Old Firm…that is so pathetic it almost makes the UFC’s status…WELL…no still said!*
*Yes that’s a Scrubs reference…so sue me.
And of course its time for the third reason why Team GB is awesome at the Olympics and Paul Ryan is bad VP pick; we’ve won a lot of medals and medicare.
With Jake Shields fighting I’m tempted to make fun of the UFC’s attempt to convince people that somebody who couldn’t defeat Shields can beat Jon “Green Cross Code” Jones but meh! They’ve produced such an awesome commercial for UFC 151 I’m willing to let it slide as long as Ed Herman (otherwise known as Crazy Ed by those who ride the bus with him) kills Jake. C’mon Ed…do it for the gingers!
Ed has a short fuse – is that a euphemism to level with the ladies out there?
Shields only got to Denver this week. So he has not trained at altitude for a fight against somebody who trains there all the town. That could prove telling. Shields lands first with a kick but Herman is throwing early. Hermans takes down Shields but they quickly get back to the feet. They’re clinching up against the cage. This is a bad thing – forget about such quaint notions as excitement in this fight folks. They’re jokeying for position and Shields get the fight to the ground. Announcers pissing me off by pretending Shields is some great submission threat rather than a tedious position-obsessed position-focused grappler. Herman proves the point by powering out of Shields taking his back. They’re once again fighting in the clinch. This is boring. Come on Shema…I mean Beake…I mean Herman. Herman laying in some knees to the mid-section and some elbows in the clinch. Shields goes for a takedown and Herman SHOCKJOEROGANBUTNOBODYELSEBECAUSEWEALLSAWSHIELDSFAILTOTAKEDOWNPAULDALEY by blocking Shields takedown. Herman wins the clinch battle to take the round 10-9 because JAKESHIELDSISNOTTHATGOODINTHEOCTAGON!!!
Round Two
They quickly clinch up again but Shields takes him down. Shields on top looking to work position. Shields working towards a kimura but Herman doing a good job defending. Shields looking to mount Herman. Shields ground and pound is an ineffectual as always – which is the one saving grace for Herman. Crowd is starting to boo. Herman almost rolled out but Shields is equal to the challenge. Shields not doing much in Herman’s guard but Herman is not able to do anything to escape. We have in other words reached stalemate. Shields’ round as the crowd boos. 19-19
Round Three
They clinch again. Just fucking yppiefuckingkayyay! I love clinching! Clinching is so much fucking fun to watch!
Herman gets an early takedown after the clinchfest but Shields gets back up quickly. Shields gets his own takedown and quickly moves to side control. Shields doing his usual pathetic ground and pound which is as good as nothing against Herman. Shields moves to mount. Working for an arm triangle. Herman moves Shields back to Guard. Shields maintain position as the clock runs out. I have it 29-28 to Shields with the judges having it 29-28, 30-27 and 30-27 to Shields as well.
Jake Shields defeated Ed Herman by unanimous decision
The fourth reason why Team GB has been good at the olympics and Paul Ryan is a bad VP pick; we’ve won a lot of gold medals and medicare
Melvin Guillard vs. Donald Cerrone
Round One
Cerrone’s ace in the hole is his grappling skills but ‘The Cowboy’ has indicated that he’s keen to have a standup war against his former training partner. If Cerrone got Guillard to the ground its game over given Melvin’s poor submission defensive skills but will he work towards that advantageous position? Does he need to?
Btw which of these guys is John Wayne? And will this show bomb more than Heaven’s Gate?
Cerrone starts a high kick but Guillard catches him and he is badly hurt. Guillard is swarming all over him but Cerrone is able to weather the storm. Guillard catches him with a right cross but Cerrone knocks him out with a straight left after landing a glancing high kick.
Donald Cerrone defeated Melvin Guillard via knockout at one minute and sixteen seconds of the first round.
Fifth and final reason why Team GB is awesome and Paul Ryan isn’t; we’ve won lots of medals and medicare
And no Frankie…you didn’t win that fight.
Lightweight Title Match
Benson Henderson vs. Frankie Edgar
Round One
Henderson usually trains at altitude. Given how close the first fight was that could prove a telling difference. Henderson the first to land with a low kick but Edgar clips with a right cross. Edgar lands low. Henderson lands a left hand. Henderson hurts Edgar with a low kick. Edgar misses with an overhand right. And he does it again. Henderson wings an overhand punch and eats a counter left for his trouble. Henderson hurts Edgar again with a leg kick but cannot progress with a takedown. Edgar lands a leg kick, Henderson focusing on the lower calve. Edgar misses with a high kick. Edgar comes back strong towards the end, takes Henderson down but ends up in a guillotine attempt. Henderson doesn’t get the submission but the choke attepmpt stops Edgar stealing the round. 10-9 to Henderson
Round Two
Edgar buckles under the weight of another Henderson leg kick. Edgar catches the leg of Henderson and lands some kicks of him own. Henderson misses with an axekick but comes close with a low kick. Edgar hurts Henderson with a right hand. Clasps onto a choke but Henderson powers out. Crowd chanting Edgar now. Edgar has a front facelock while Henderson touches the ground to avoid a knee. Henderson separates and looks himself again. Henderson goes for a front kick. Henderson goes for a takedown but its blocked. Henderon connects with a punch and connects with a kick to the body. But its Edgar round. 19-19
Round Three
Henderson is the stronger in the third round but Edgar does a good job of mving around during the round and avoidng damage. Tough call but I’d go with Edgaar. 29-28
Round Four
Henderson takes the round thanks to his greater power. While Edgar escapes a guillotine choke attempt but Henderson dominates the round in terms of offense. Henderson even lands a less potent version of the upkick that won him the last fight. 38-38.
Round Five
Edgar drops Henderson early on. Henderson back on his feet and not much is happening. Edgar lands on the way in. Henderson trying to mount offense but Edgar is equal to it. The clinch up and Edgar lands on the clinch. Edgar buckles Henderson with a leg kick. Henderson title reign is slipping away. Henderson throws a good kick that Edgar catches. Henderson lands a good left hands but Edgar comes back with more offense. Henderson misses one high kick but lands another. I have that 48-47 to…Edgar…but can go to either. If Henderson loses the title on this judgement call it really does underline the unjustice of the instant rematch in this instance when Henderson will be denied.
The judges have it 49-46 to Edgar, 48-47 to Henderson, 48-47 to Henderson. Henderson retains the title.
