When Chris Harrison handed the Bachelor Pad contestants some nasty questionnaires to fill out for this week’s challenge, one of the bimbos in the house said “Things are about to get ugly.”
About to? What exactly do y’all think people have been watching all along?
This competition always does bring lots of tears, though, and bodily fluids are what Bachelor Pad runs on. Stag, who is officially a Bachelor Pad pro, confirmed that people would get upset. Thanks for the insight, buddy!
Continuing his campaign to steal King Jackass from Kalon, Chris thought it would be wise to cheer for Sara instead of his partner, Blakely. Jaclyn won the women’s competition, which was one of the worst outcomes, if it’s possible to rank people when you kind of hate them all.
The men’s round resulted in some drama for Jamie, who revealed that she wants to sleep with Chris (that wasn’t a secret) and that she thinks Jaclyn is the “most fake” person in the house. Anyway, Ed won. So another victory for gross people, yay!
Swing n a miss
Jaclyn got to choose one person for a one-on-one date, so she chose Ed. Sara was annoyed, but I’m not sure why. Ed is So. Gross. Sara is pretty. Why is she going after a washed up cheating drunk? It’s gross that they hooked up once, but it’s even more disgusting that she’s chasing after him like this. There are less greasy fish in the sea, Sara! Believe you can do better!
Because Ed already had a rose, Jaclyn was informed she’d have to give a rose to another guy – he’d be safe and he’d get to take another woman on a date as well.
Easy & Sleazy
Sigh. Is there anything more pathetic than watching Jamie throw herself at Chris? He is the worst! I still can’t get over the fact that he was on Emily’s season. Did she ever dodge a bullet there! Chris essentially said he doesn’t like Jamie at all, but she’s hot and he can’t stop looking at her boobs. Classy, dude.
Once the two were in bed, Jamie freaked out a little. But Chris can’t stand all that talking, so he kissed her to “shut her up”. I have a few ideas on how to shut Chris up, and all I need is to borrow a baseball bat from Jaclyn’s date.
If I have to hear Jamie talk about his big arms wrapped around her and his warm body pressed up against her, I will lose it. You are out of your league, sweetie, so go back to reading Twilight fan fiction by yourself on a Saturday night.
Another day, another girl
Jaclyn gave the rose to Chris because that’s what Ed wanted and girls always listen to boys when it comes to strategy on this show. So who would Chris take? Blakely, his partner in the competition? No. Jamie, the girl he spent the night “cuddling” (bull) with? No. He took Sara, because he wants to have fun. Chris is the worst. Somehow, Jamie convinced herself that Chris was being “loyal” and didn’t choose her for the date because he didn’t want to hurt Blakely. What? How has she convinced herself that she’s being protected? Why is she so delusional?
The date was making an action movie. Because that’s a thing people do. (You know they were just saving this date for the Gerard Butler lookalike.) And of course, the couple would be forced to kiss at the end. At least we got to see Sara kick Chris in the face. I’m going to pretend it wasn’t by accident.
Hilariously, Chris gave a speech to Sara about how much he likes and respects her. Um, does this dude even know what the word respect means? He hasn’t shown it.
Chris wasn’t going to get to hand out a rose because he hadn’t won the competition. But Ed did get a rose to hand out, because he had. Blakely and Jamie were both campaigning for it, but I knew he wouldn’t give it to either girl. Instead he gave it to Rachel, because he trusts her and Stag.
Blakely and Jamie had some kind of conversation, and it was determined that Blakely is not interested in Chris – so yay, Jamie was free to be with him! She couldn’t wait for him to come home from his date so she could tell him that they can spend ALL their time together from now on. Except that as Jamie was twirling around and swooning over how “respectful” he is, he was making out with Sara in a hot tub and comparing all the women he’s hooked up with to trading in cars. CARS. He. Compared. Women. To. Cars.
Strategy and Sweet Talking
As the final newbie, Dave knew he was on the chopping block – he even already had a vote against him because he’d lost the challenge. (The fan lost the Bachelor trivia contest? Really?) He tried to get people to vote for Nick because Jaclyn would make the choice if it was a tie, and she said Nick was the only guy she’d send home over Dave. Jamie was going to be the swing vote.
Meanwhile, Chris was trying to get Blakely voted out. Chris said Jamie was loyal to him (is she, still?) as well as Sara, of course, and her apparent BFF Erica Rose. So even though he was voting out a member of the alliance, he was bringing more votes into the fold. But the other members of his alliance weren’t so sure about the idea.
Alright, enough talk. Who actually went home? Jamie and Dave. Man, nothing ever gets shaken up on this show. It’s been so boring – I mean, it’s always kind of boring but this season takes the cake. Yawn.
I hope Chris actually does go home next week.
Tags: Bachelor Pad