Last week, I issued the final part of my own personal state of the WWE address and judging from a few comments, I may have misstated a point I was making. I’m not saying that I was wrong, because I don’t feel like I am but words matter and I’m always open for clarifications.
I’ll refer to the points made by Ryan Alarie and CB because they conveyed a high level intelligence in their statements, specifically those regarding Evan Bourne. The point I was trying to make is that Evan Bourne COULD have been in the position Ryback currently is in (the Hell in a Cell match and getting the proverbial torch-passing everyone seems to believe is happening). Of course, Bourne couldn’t pull off the unstoppable force, the win streak because that’s not who he is. I’m also not saying he definitely would be in that situation but we probably won’t know because the idiot shot himself in the foot twice. I made my statement last week and I still stand by it because prior to his screw-ups, it seemed as if he had enough people behind the curtain that were willing to push and take a risk on him, specifically if the situation arose where they needed somebody to get involved in an already-existing feud. The call for a character such as this is interchangeable and as a matter of fact, a few weeks ago I even had a list of people that could’ve been placed in this situation and Evan was one of this if my memory serves me correctly. Maybe WWE would’ve used him in this situation, maybe they wouldn’t have but it seemed like he had enough people in his corner and the possibility wouldn’t be too incredibly absurd. But the point I was trying to make overall was that we will never get to know what WWE would’ve done because Evan Bourne is an idiot. That much we can all agree on, yes?
And yes, Damien had one longer match that everybody loved but it was against Sheamus, the guy that can make a CM Punk lumberjack match seem like boring dribble. So does that really count?
In an unrelated not, I dare ANYONE to name 5 things that have happened on Smackdown within the past month that I wouldn’t already know of by simply watching Raw?
But now it’s on with the show, lets have some fun, yes?
Hell in a Cell (or THE cell if you’re Vince McMahon or Cena)
Intercontinental Championship Match
Kofi Kingston(c) vs The Miz
It’s so easy to jump onto the “Kofi is finally gonna get his huge push” bandwagon but as a guy that’s fallen for that more times that I care to admit, I remain skeptical that this is merely a placeholder reign yet again. I mean, lets look at it. They teased a Miz and Ryback run before Ryback was inserted into the main story and that left Miz with nobody to be on camera with. You take that and mix WWE’s go-to last minute guy, Kofi, and you have your new Intercontinental title picture. Ultimately, I doubt they would take the belt off Kofi after just getting it last week.
Randy Orton vs Alberto Del Rio
Did anybody else not know this match was booked? I know these two had a thing back and forth on Smackdown whenever Randy managed to take off from the movie set but I hadn’t thought it was built up for PPV just yet. But then again, with the movie wrapped, Randy is finally back full time and not leaving in the near future so I’m assuming Randy will be setting his sights on the Heavyweight Championship by TLC or Rumble. That being said, I still lack any sense of caring feelings towards Del Rio and this match gets the big “whoopty-doo” award for existing. I’m more interested in seeing how much self-tan Randy has managed to use between the movie wrapping and this match. I’ll estimate a 7 on the Randy Orange-O-Meter.
Tag Team Championship Match
Team Friendship (as God intended it to be) vs Team Rhodes Scholars
If WWE decided to also throw in the Cell in on this match, I’d be completely down for it. This is definitely the match I’m most optimistic about for the simple fact that I’m head over heels for every single participant. I don’t know who the ref will be but I’m sure he’s fantastic as well. Kane and Daniel are more than likely to win because their still in their upward swing but I’ll be elated if this turns into a multiple PPV feud.
World Heavyweight Championship Match
Sheamus(c) vs The Big Show
I’m okay with this solely based on the fact that Alberto Del Rio has nothing to do with this match. Now, it hasn’t been announced if this match is in the cell but I would assume that it would be. Unless they’re saving it specifically for the Punk and Ryback match. Then again, it’s not like it really matters because the cell really isn’t a factor anymore unless it’s Cena getting locked out like last year. I will say that I did enjoy the moment where Sheamus was his joking self and Big Show got in his face and told him to get serious. When was the last time we actually saw serious Sheamus? Have we seen it since he turned face? Either way, if Big Show can somehow make Sheamus interesting, I’m all in but until then, I continue to not give a crap. The biggest upside to this is that Dolph has said a lot lately about cashing in on Sunday.
WWE Championship Hell in the Cell Match
CM Punk(c) vs Ryback
I can’t fully believe that I’m actually looking forward to seeing this match and its completely from a curiosity standpoint because there are so many unknowns going into this match. Can Ryback handle a spotlight match? CM Punk usually does a great job of elevating the other wrestler, will that continue for this? What is Ryback’s long match move-set? Add in the run-in possibilities and there’s just so much to play with in your fantasy booking. The real art in this would be to see how Punk retains but not killing Ryback’s momentum. Also, I can’t help but believe that Cena is going to be a factor at some point and affect the end in some way. I’m looking forward to this match but more in a side-show sense, in the possibility of seeing something different.
Seems like quite a short list of matches so maybe something will be added between now and Sunday, definitely the pre-show at least.
Finally, don’t let the opening of this week’s RAGER discourage anyone from commenting with differing opinions. The biggest reason that I write this is because I just love talking about wrestling and interacting with other fans, it’s a great break from whatever stress one might be faced with. Of course, there will always be critics that just spout off pointless, baseless garbage and talk about how wrong the columnists are but this is an opinion column and saying someone’s opinion is wrong is like telling someone that they failed in self-expression and that makes no sense at all. However, by and large I do love the comments I’m fortunate to get, largely well-articulated thoughts from other people that simply love this wrestling madness. I’m always grateful for anyone that chooses to click on this column and read my thoughts and dumb jokes. I’m thankful for you all and as always…
Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do twice,
Chris
The Answer: There’s several reports saying that WWE is looking at bringing Honey Boo Boo in for Wrestlemania 29 in some fashion. Have fun stabbing yourselves!
