Hello all, and welcome to the return of My Pinterest Is Piledrivers. For at least this week. I am your host, James A. Sawyer, and I am rising against cancer. And come early 2013 I’ll find out if it just knocked me down again. But all this lying around has made me really appreciate great wrestling. Which is why I wish I had some regularly to entertain me. Zing! Alright, not everything in 2012 was bad… and 2013 could always be better. I mean, Hell (No)… we no sold the apocalypse, right?
I thought of some things that I liked, or wanted, or deserved and I wrote them all down for you. I’d call it a “wish list” but I’m late to this website with that so these are just a list of wishes that I have. No correlation whatsoever. Here we go!
The continued push and rise of Daniel Bryan
Suffice to say that D-Bry stole a good portion of the year, and pretty much all of Wrestlemania week. Don’t believe me?
Bryan is now one of the most over guys on the roster, and it’s all due to his taking of the ball and running with it. Nobody came up with his character, he’s the one who brought the likeable dick act to life, along with bringing his catchphrase to everywhere from Miami Heat games to Andrew WK concerts in Scotland. Plus he has the advantage of being a legit great guy.
May 2013 bring another world title run. In May 2013. See what I did there?
More Dean Ambrose
Admittedly, I’ve only seen a couple of this guy’s matches, but his promos? Hoo boy…
This is it. This is the future. He is the future. This man is the biggest wunderkind since The Rock. Lock this guy down to a lifetime contract. He’s gonna be huge.
Wrestling from Evan Bourne
Hey, remember this guy? He’s a pretty good wrestler! Maybe we’ll actually get to watch him wrestle in 2013! Please put the bong down, Bourne.
More mic work from Ziggler
Dolph is seriously underrated on the mic, and now that he’s stepping away from Vicki (please God) he might get to show that off. The fans really care about his character, so much so that he’s beginning to get the Punk/Flair/Rock “we know you’re a heel but we respect you too much to boo” heat.
The guy is a better face than Cena now.
The continued main eventing of CM Punk
Ok yeah, so it’s now a year and a half after the Second Summer of Punk, and yes, the WWE dropped the ball and failed to turn him “Stone Cold” huge and thus rejuvenating wrestling into a big pop culture zeitgeist again… but the guy is still the best in the world and deserves to have the company focus until he decided to hang up his boots. Even as a stereotypical cowardly heel he still does awesome work, and nobody can match his facial expressions and character work.
Flowers For Ryder
Get it? Flowers For Algernon? Charly? Read a book!
Okay, I had a car accident, two cancer surgeries, joblessness, wimmen trubbles, stress, mean Brooklyn hipsters as roommates, low iron levels… 2012 has not been too kind to me. However… I still had a better year than Zack Ryder. I cannot remember a bigger fall in recent memory, and that includes Shane McMahon’s dive and Meth Hardy’s drug bust.
Huh. Is that all it takes, Jim? Well, I-
Okay, yeah. That’s bullshit. Zack did everything right, and everything by himself, and they buried him like Benoit.
For the love of Randy Savage’s Ghost, make a watchable product
Nonsensical face turns. Nonsensical heel turns. Two minute squash matches. Three minute “competitive” matches. Four-hundred hours of programming a week with maybe half-an-hour of actual content. Lookit, I don’t want the Attitude Era back. I don’t want Cena fired and for every match to be a barbed wire baseball bat tables match. Just… just make something that doesn’t insult my intelligence and make me embarrassed to be a fan. Please? Start with that?
Whew. Okay. That felt good. I put my heart out there. Let’s hope someone listens. Even if it’s just the other columnists on the site. Hey guys!
As usual you can find me on twitter here, tumblr here, Facebook here, Instagram here!!!, but I also want to share the spotlight with a couple of people in this year-end column. One of my former roommates (a nice Brooklynite), has a fan page on Facebook. She teaches yoga, and teaches it well. She deserves karmic love and money, so if you can’t give her one, give her the other here. Even if you don’t live in New York, you can still “like” something. Every time you like something a kitty gets her whiskers. Also, another former Brooklyn roommate (again, a nice one. I don’t speak to the mean ones) is the REAL one-man band. Take THAT, Heath Slater! Ahhhh he’s been through enough. But he has a website with his art here. You can download a FREE album, and also support a song he did with a talented young lady where 100% of the profits go to thepolarisproject.org. Suggested donation is a buck for that one, but give what you can! It’s charity! And a phat beat!
Damn, forgot one last wish. Here goes…
Please be good and safe, wrestlers, fans, everyone.
Let’s all try to meet back here January of 2014 with some awesome stories and all body parts intact. Deal? Deal.
Tags: cm punk, Daniel Bryan, dean ambrose, Dolph Ziggler, evan bourne, Heath Slater, Jim Ross, john cena, Shane McMahon, WWE, zack ryder