The Common Denominator – “From Rumble to ‘Mania: The Journey Begins” (CM Punk, The Rock Dolph Ziggler, Ryback, Undertaker, John Cena, Brock Lesnar, The Shield, Big Show, Sheamus)

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Happy New Year to all of you out there in the Common Denomi-Nation (yes, all seven of you)! Sadly, I have been way too busy recently to crank out a column, but now that the holidays are over, I hope to stick to a (semi-)regular schedule.

Okay, the truth is that I did have a day where I would have had time to sit down and type something up. But, honestly, I sat down and just drew a blank. I haven’t been able to watch an entire episode of any kind of wrestling since around Thanksgiving, and I didn’t want to comment on anything that was currently going on uninformed. I guess I could have done some type of cheesy “Christmas List for the WWE” type of deal, since I always like those when I see them elsewhere, but I decided to just play with my kids instead.

On that note, a funny Christmas story: My wife is adamant that my three kids all have an equal number of Christmas presents to open on Christmas morning. The quality of the item doesn’t seem to matter as much as the actual quantity. So anyway, it’s the Saturday before Christmas, and we are on our determined-to-finish last shopping trip. She does the math an realizes my middle child, a 14-year-old boy, is short a present. I half-heartedly argued that the amounts we have spent on each of the kids are pretty even. But, no good, he needsanother present. So we’re walking along at the store and I spot a WWE World Heavyweight Championship belt in the clearance section. Not a nice metal and leather replica belt or anything – just a plastic and vinyl toy belt – marked down from like $18 to $7. She wanted to object, but I shot her a look and she said “fine,” sure that it would be a throwaway gift at best.

Well, come Christmas morning, he opened up the title belt and grinned from ear-to-ear, holding it up and proclaiming “I’m World Heavyweight Champion!” It was a dubious claim in my older (16) son’s eyes. Contracts were soon signed for a title match, in the living room floor, of course. And despite the Wii U, the iPads, the new trampoline and all the other Christmas gifts, the Big (plastic) Gold Belt seems to be the winning gift. And admittedly, even as a low-dollar facsimile, it’s a lot better than the cardboard-and-aluminum-foil one I had as a kid.

Another Christmas-related bit: I mentioned my kids got a Wii U. Now, I couldn’t tell you much about it yet, but a side-effect of the Wii U’s arrival, is we had an extra Wii. I quickly claimed it, hooked it up in my bedroom, and now I can watch Netflix and YouTube videos on the new HDTV Santa Claus brought me in the comfort of my own bed. Since then, I’ve watched every wrestling offering Netflix has to offer and watched a bunch of wrestling videos on YouTube, including the Terry Funk vs. Cactus Jack IWA King of the Death Match finals. As a neat touch, the clip I watched actually had Mick reading the chapter from his book that described the match, which is a pretty neat idea.

Anyway, it’s January, and that means it’s almost time for my favorite event of the year, the Royal Rumble. Even more than Wrestlemania and the title match the winner of the Rumble typically gets, I love the Royal Rumble. First off, I just like battle royals to begin with. I’m a sucker for the “throw everyone in the ring and see who reigns
supreme” aspect, and the Royal Rumble is that times 10, because of the length of the match, the suspense of the entry order, the stakes of the match and the potential for building or showcasing new talent. And although it seems like someone says it every year, this year’s Rumble seems particularly unpredictable. I guess it’s because there are so many potential “Roads to Wrestlemania” that could be taken. I mean first, you’ve got CM Punk vs. Ryback in the TLC match on Raw.

Now, granted, Ryback is very, very unlikely to beat Punk and deny the fans (and miss the buyrate of) Punk vs. Rock at the Rumble. Then there’s the aforementioned Punk vs. Rock for the WWE title at the Rumble ppv itself. The outcome of that match itself and the uncertainty there only adds to the intrigue. If Punk wins, one set of potential Rumble winners instantly becomes more likely. If Rocky wins, a whole different set of contenders emerges. Plus, there’s always Dolph Ziggler and his Money in the Bank briefcase lurking in the realm of possibilities. And there’s the Undertaker and/or Brock Lesnar to consider in the mix. Big Show is also a champ whose title could be the subject of the Rumble winner’s challenge. Yes, the World Heavyweight Championship is clearly the #2 title for most WWE fans, but Sheamus picked Daniel Bryan over CM Punk last year (with Chris Jericho getting the WWE title shot).

It’s all, of course, purely speculation. There’s also the emergence of The Shield to consider. It does look, however, like they are being shuffled off into other feuds, apparently involving The Miz, Alberto Del Rio, or Randy Orton, or someone, which is fine. Although, I’m half-expecting Orton to do a heel turn and be revealed as the leader of the Shield. I think that foursome would be a force to be reckoned with (although I’m fine with the Shield staying as a trio).

To me, Ziggler is the real wild card here. I don’t know if there ever was a plan for him and his briefcase and those plans got sidelined for whatever reason or if the briefcase just kind of became a forgotten thread, but here we are, not too far from ‘Mania and Dolph still has the case. I’m guessing that Big Show defends the title successfully against whoever (Del Rio?) at the Rumble (or maybe loses, it doesn’t matter in this scenario). Then, Show defends the title in an Elimination Chamber match and Ziggler immediately cashes in on the winner of that match, winning the title in dastardly fashion and giving whoever a rematch at Wrestlemania. That ties up the Money in the Bank storyline and gives the Big Gold Belt a spot on the ‘Mania card.

As far as the WWE title picture goes, it’s a real guessing game. I assume the writers (surely) already have everything mapped out, so it’ll be interesting to see it play out. Everyone has their wish list – Punk wins, Rock wins, Punk vs. Undertaker, Rock vs. Undertaker, Punk vs. Lesnar, Rock vs. Cena II, Punk vs. Cena XXXVIII, and so on and so forth.

Here’s a storyline I like. No, it won’t happen, but I wish it would. Again, I’ve been watching a lot of old stuff lately, so this will sound familiar to older fans.

CM Punk defends against the Rock at the Royal Rumble. He wins a hard-fought match. The Rock even shakes his hand (he then enters and wins the Rumble, but that’s not the thread I’m describing here). Anyway, Dolph Ziggler then immediately attacks Punk and says he’s cashing his title shot. The two have a full-blown match (during which Heyman switches his allegiance to Ziggler (another thread that sets up Ziggler having an entourage on his road to becoming a top guy) and Punk actually manages to win the match and earn the respect of the crowd. After not one, but two hard-fought title defenses, Punk is in the ring. JBL enters the ring and interviews Punk, congratulating him on his win, and mentions his own lengthy reign as WWE champ, asking Punk for a shot at the title. Punk blows him off thinking he’s joking.

JBL assures him that he is serious, and again asks for a title shot.

Punk makes some sort of comment about earning a title shot, JBL feigns leaving and then sucker punches Punk with the Clothesline from Hell. He then proceeds to pummel Punk, even making him bleed, and maybe piledriving him on the floor or something. That sets up Punk back as a babyface, lets JBL have a mini-feud with him over the title to cement Punk’s face status. Assuming Punk is going to be wrestling either Rock, Undertaker, or Lesnar at Wrestlemania, and all three of those guys only available on a limited-appearance basis, JBL provides a perfect foil for Punk to fill in the gaps. And the face-turn (let’s face it, people want to cheer Punk) frees Punk from having to play cowardly heel anymore, which makes the match with whoever he faces at ‘Mania much better.

Since I just ripped off Ric Flair vs. Terry Funk from 1989 for that angle…

…allow me to quickly ape another gimmick from that era in WCW history as well for an explanation of something I mentioned earlier. When Flair jumped to the WWF in 1991, Lex Luger was made the top heel in the company. In addition to the heel turn, Luger was given Harley Race as a manager and Mr. Hughes as a bodyguard. It made him (theoretically at least) seem more important and made it harder for the faces to get a fair shake at ringside.

That’s what I’m proposing for Ziggler. Give him AJ as a valet/love interest, Paul Heyman aa a manager/mouthpiece, and Big E. Langston as a bodyguard/occasional tag partner. Put the World Heavyweight Title at Wrestlemania and have him reign as long as you like. Eventually Langston can either turn face and challenge Ziggler, or the entourage can turn on Ziggler and Dolph turns face. If Heyman stays with Punk or Lesnar, just plug Flair into that role.

Anyway, I’m sure that won’t happen. In fact, I’m sure nothing anyone is speculating will actually happen. I bet the WWE creative team has something even more awesome in store for us (right? RIGHT?!?).

No, really…Ryback beats Punk in their TLC match on Raw, beats the Rock at the Royal Rumble, the Undertaker wins the Royal Rumble, challenges Ryback at Wrestlemania 29, Ryback ends the Streak and we begin the road to Ryback vs. Goldberg at Wrestlemania 30 (right? RIGHT?!?).

ANyway, thanks for reading.

A lifelong self-admitted geek and nerd, Ralph has passed on his love of comic books, movies and pro wrestling to his children. In his day job, he writes for a newspaper in the Memphis area and plays volleyball and softball. He is almost as smart and as funny as he thinks he is.