Welcome back.
So, it turns out that unless you’re a small child or a very maladjusted adult, you probably know that wrestling sucks pretty hard right now. We all know it. As I’ve mentioned before in my time here on Inside Pulse, most of the enjoyment I get from wrestling these days is reading sites like this, interacting with fans, seeing what they like and don’t like, and having fun with them in general.
However, did you know that when I started here in January 2011, I was actually a full-time recapper that covered TNA? It’s true. Actually, aside from our man Scott Keith, who probably only JUST passed me, I think I was the longest TNA recapper this site ever had. What happened, you ask? Well, TNA is like lazer-eye surgery, in that it can permanently change your vision quality. It is also UN-like lazer-eye surgery, in that it CAUSES to go blind rather than prevents it. Now adjust that metaphor by replacing “eyes” with “brain” and that’s what happened. My therapist says the key is suppression and denial.
I’ve been doing opinion articles since then, from “Interinactivity” to “New Rules” and the occasional “Air Up There”. Those of you who read me regularly know that I can only do this for so long before I need a break, which is why I only write for part of the year. I get bored with wrestling pretty easily when it’s no fun, which is also the reason why I’ve switched up the style of articles that I do here so often.
That Being Said… this season, I am dusting the mothballs off my recap article… “That Being Said”! After having researched some PPV dates, I bring you the lineup for That Being Said: The WrestleMania Expedition!
PREMIERE – Jan 14: WWE RAW (20th Anniversary)
Jan 23: WWE Main Event
Jan 27: WWE Royal Rumble
Feb 01: WWE SmackDown
Feb 13: WWE NXT
Feb 17: WWE Elimination Chamber
Mar 07: TNA Impact
Mar 10: TNA LockDown
Mar 14: TNA Impact
Mar 18: WWE RAW
Mar 29: WWE SmackDown
Apr 01: WWE RAW
FINALE – APR 07: WrestleMania
There will be 13 recaps in all.
I even got some TNA in there – I’ll usually keep up with WWE by reading recaps and watching highlights, but I have NO idea what is going on in TNA right now aside from Burnout Hardy having their World Title. Oh, and my man Martin Shaw told me that Bubba Ray is doing Brooke Hogan. That’s pretty hilarious. I figured doing the Impact before one of their biggest PPV’s of the year, the PPV itself (LockDown), and the Impact after the PPV, should be enough to catch me up. But TNA is insane, so who really knows. I’ve never watched WWE Main Event before, but I’ve heard some good things. I haven’t seen NXT since the very first episode from the very first season where Bryan fought Chris Jericho in the best match of that entire year. How long has it been since I watched SmackDown?! I don’t even know. Years.
Actually, truth be told, I don’t normally watch full episodes of ANY wrestling shows, and haven’t in years. Even when I did TNA for Pulse, those were the full first shows I watched in a long time. This is because I normally find 90% of the average CURRENT wrestling show totally unwatchable – there are exceptions, but not many – and I consider watching a show that you find 90% terrible to be borderline insane behavior. The odd time I will watch a full PPV, and most years I will watch Royal Rumble and WrestleMania in full. But I grew up on wrestling, and am still interested in what happens, so normally, I will either watch highlights, read recaps, or at best, have it on in the background and watch if something captures my attention. I can still usually find highlights like CM Punk, Daniel Bryan or Austin Aries to enjoy. I like to think my knowledge is mostly current, aside from TNA in the past year or so. Listening to and interacting with other fans are where my interests lie with wrestling these days.
So, this is going to be an interesting season for me. I honestly don’t know what watching full shows again will be like for me. Normally I will watch these shows in a streaming room with Swayze, CB, Martin Shaw, Dave (Wrestling Facts), and a few others, so maybe I’ll include some of their snippets as well – they’re a fun bunch that usually has some entertaining stuff to say.
Actually, speaking of that, this is a good time for some disclaimers.
5 DISCLAIMERS OF DOOM
DISCLAIMER #1: These recaps should in NO way be treated as a professional and unbiased play-by-play of whatever the show in question is. Inside Pulse has no shortage of professional and live coverage, so if that’s what you’re looking for, I refer you to Mike Gojira, Scott Keith, Justin Czerwonka, or another of their ilk. Rather than a recap per se, I look at this as an ongoing 3-month narrative from someone who doesn’t normally watch full shows beginning to do exactly that for WrestleMania season. The reason this idea sounds like fun to me is that this time period is usually when many casual or former fans will tune back in anyway. So I know that as I’m tuning back in, many others will be as well.
DISCLAIMER #2: Quite often, when myself or another writer rips on a show (justifiably so or otherwise), they will get their fair share of people believing or commenting that they believe the recapper thinks that wrestling now is worse than it’s ever been. Usually it’s something like “WHAT, SO THE ATTITUDE ERA WAS SO GREAT?!?! THOSE MATCHES SUCKED TOO!” or something like that, even when you haven’t mentioned the Attitude Era at all. In fact, that’s a popular opinion out there right now in general – that wrestling is worse now than it’s ever been. Me personally, just for the record – I definitely think 2007-2009 and 2003-2004 definitely hold up worse than the current product. Not MUCH worse, mind you – and I do believe that current shows are pretty lame. But if I’m being honest, it’s not as bad as it’s ever been, much as it may feel that way sometimes.
DISCLAIMER #3: In the spirit of Disclaimer #2… I am going to do my best to go into these shows with an uncynical and unjaded eye. I’m hoping to like what I see – there is some stuff going on that COULD be promising depending on where they go with it and who they decide to feature prominently. But I promise nothing in terms of what’s going to come out of me if I don’t like the shows. Anyone who read any of my TNA recaps or the odd WWE recap that I did knows that I have very little tolerance for stupid or boring stuff. If, an hour into a 3-hour RAW, they decide to give me Shaemus against Cody Rhodes for 20 minutes while Michael Cole tells me they’re the future of the business and that I still have Ryback against Wade Barrett to look forward to in the second hour, then I’m going to feel like putting my dick through a bone decalcinator, which means that me feeling like putting my dick through a bone decalcinator is something you’re probably going to hear about.
DISCLAIMER #4: The obvious one – the opinions and views I express are my own, and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of Inside Pulse or it’s owners, staff, or numerous writers.
DISCLAIMER #5: Regardless of how it all turns out, whether I find the shows good, boring or bad, if nothing else, I’m going to try my best to to have fun with these recaps over this 3-month period. I’m a guy who can usually have fun with a recap even when watching a show I don’t enjoy. For me, that’s the point of this experiment – or of anything else I may write for Inside Pulse – to have fun. Worst case scenario, I lose all patience and have a rage blackout like I’ve done on on the odd recap before, and sometimes even that can be entertaining. Regardless, the point is – this is for fun – and I hope you have as much fun reading this season as I’m hoping to have writing it.
See you Monday for the first recap of That Being Said: The WrestleMania Expedition! Looks like it’ll be RAW’s 20th Anniversary show. In the meantime, feel free to e-mail me at bdouglas@4sternstaging.com or follow me on Twitter @BDInsidePulse if you’re into such things.
I’ll be in my trailer.
