We are one hour away from RAW. Vince McMahon is giving Paul Heyman a “performance review” tonight. Why? Does Heyman answer to Vince? Who knows.
Vickie introduced the RAW Roulette wheels. There are 3. The first result: Antonio Cesaro vs Randy Orton with a special guest referee.
Hey Look, Someone Cares About Losing A Match
C.M. Punk came out in a rage. Punk said this was day 435 of his WWE Title reign. He beat The Rock and is the People’s Champion. Punk asked if they really wanted to support someone who couldn’t pin him without someone’s help. He never needed anyone to restart a match. He called last night the Phoenix Screwjob. Punk said he is here to crash the party. Vince McMahon came out. Vince said he has tape from an anonymous source that he is complicit with Paul Heyman that they are involved with The Shield. Vince said Heyman is do for a performance review that could result in his job termination.
Segment Analysis: What a difference it makes to see someone care about losing the WWE Title, or hell just a match in general. If that was Cena he would just smile it off like it was nothing. Nice tantrum by Punk, and Vince gave a good hook to keep viewers tuned in for later. Survey Says: 3.5/5
How Many More Times Can These Guys Wrestle?
The special guest ref for Cesaro vs Orton is The Miz. Orton had the upper hand back from break. Orton hit a backdrop for two. On the outside Orton back dropped Cesaro on the barricade and hit a couple of uppercuts. The two exchanged uppercuts in the ring until Orton tossed Cesaro over the top rope into another commercial. Back from break Cesaro fought out of a headlock with a back drop. Cesaro dropped Orton on the top turnbuckle. Cesaro hit a sit down bodyslam for two. Orton fought out of a headlock and went into ORTON MODE. Cesaro caught Orton with an uppercut for two. Cesaro argued with Miz. Orton went for a middle rope DDT but Cesaro poked him in the eye. Miz got in Cesaro’s face and they argued. Miz backed off and Orton hit him with an RKO for the win.
After the match Miz hit Cesaro with a Skull Crushing Finale.
Match Analysis: The commercial breaks kind of ruined the flow of the match for me. We get more of the Miz/Cesaro feud. This isn’t helping Miz’s face turn at all. Don’t think anything will. Survey Says: 2/5
What’s The Joke?
Ryback was in the ring for a “Make Me Laugh” segment. Back from commercial the Prime Time Players were in the ring. Whoever makes the crowd laugh most wins. The PTPs “What did a girl say when Matt Striker asked her on a date?” “AIN’T GOT TIME FOR THAT.” Ryback: “What has 4 eyes, 20 fingers, and is about to be unconscious?” Ryback took out the PTPs. Striker said Ryback won, then Ryback hit Shell Shocked on him.
Segment Analysis: Proof the writers don’t have anything in mind for Ryback. Survey Says: 1.5/5
The Wheel landed on Player’s Choice. Vickie let Wade Barrett pick his opponent. He picked Bo Dallas. Dallas took it to Barrett in the corner, but Barrett caught him with a kick to the gut. Barrett hit a headbutt and then a boot to the head. Barrett went for the Bull Hammer Elbow but Dallas caught Barrett with a belly to belly slam for the win. Looks like Bo Dallas is getting an IC Title push.
Cody Rhodes spinned the opponent wheel and it landed on John Cena.
Two Months of Cena Squashing The Mid Card? Oh Boy…
Cody Rhodes spinned the opponent wheel and it landed on John Cena. Cena hit Rhodes with a hip toss and drop kick to start. Cody grabbed the mic and said this is a waste of Cody Rhodes and wanted to leave. Cena stopped him and immediately went into CENA MODE!!! Cena hit the AA for the win.
Cena said there are 29 other guys who could say they should have won the Royal Rumble. But he is the only one who can say he won the Royal Rumble. Cena said this next choice is difficult. He could face either C.M. Punk or The Rock for the WWE Title. Cena said he hasn’t been able to beat Punk in the last 2 years. And then there is The Rock. A man he called out even before he came back. Cena said how it was a wasted year because all people remember is him losing to Rock at Wrestlemania. Cena tried building some suspense but eventually chose the WWE Champion as his opponent.
The Shield came out and attacked Cena. Sheamus tried to make the save but he failed. Ryback met the same fate. They threw Ryback into the steps. Sheamus went into the ringpost. Cena ate the triple powerbomb in the ring. The Shield left through the crowd.
Segment Analysis: Well, it looks like we know what Cena will be doing at the Elimination Chamber PPV. My guess is that there will be a 6 man tag inside the Chamber. While I like the idea, I just fear The Shield will get jobbed out and forgotten afterward. Strong performance by The Shield. As far as Cena, his promo was ok. But I really hope he deosn’t go through any more of the mid card. Survey Says: 3/5
Tensai spun the wheel and it landed on Lingerie Pillow Fight. Tensai protested and left. Vickie said she can’t have that match with Vince here. Brodus Clay spun the Vickie Challenge wheel and it landed on Dance Off. Back from break, Tensai and Brodus were in the ring. No one told Tensai about the change. Tensai was in really bad lingerie. Brodus danced. Tensai refused at first. Then he danced. Ron Simmons said DAMN! I, I don’t even know what to say. Words cannot describe it.
Feuds With Alberto del Rio=Long And Drawn Out
Alberto del Rio landed on Body Slam Challenge against Big Show. Before the challenge could start, Show went right after Del Rio. He hit him with a KO Punch then duct taped Del Rio to the rope. Show the turned his sights to Ricardo. Show hit some slaps on Ricardo then threw him into the barricade. Show bodyslammed Ricardo. Show hit a KO Punch on Ricardo then hit some kicks on Del Rio for good measure.
Segment Analysis: That was designed to get some sympathy cheers for Del Rio and heat on Big Show. It felt like it was killing the crowd but the Big Show got some loud boos at the end. We will see if it does its job in the long run. But first Sheamus, and now Big Show. Del Rio gets some long feuds. Survey Says: 2.5/5
Kaitlyn and Tamina went to a no contest when the Divas in Showgirl Outfits started brawling in the ring.
It’s Cool To Swear Kids
The Rock came out. Rock said there is only one word that can describe his journey: Finally. Rock said he won 7 WWE Championships, but tonight is the proudest moment of his career. Rock said Punk has been running his mouth for 434 days talking about how the people don’t matter. Rock said those crap days are over. Rock called Punk a tattooed homeless man and Paul Heyman “Twinkie Tits.” Rock said tonight starts the People’s Era. C.M. Punk came out. Punk said he made that the Title special and he will flush it down the toilet. Punk said it was handed to Rock just like everything in his life. Punk said if Rock was a man, he would give Rock his Title back and congratulate him for being the Best in the World. Rock said if Punk were a man, he would walk down the ramp and take it. Rock told Punk to come to the ring like a man or stand there like a punk ass bitch. Punk said he is going to stay on the stage like a punk ass bitch because he doesn’t do things on Rock’s time. Punk listed off the house show dates for this weekend, but then said how about Elimination Chamber. Rock agreed.
Segment Analysis: See, that was good there. These guys work well off each other during promos. And Rock wasn’t stupid comedy self. He was serious and to the point with his promo. Looking forward to another couple RAWs of these guys exchanging verbal blows. Survey Says: 4/5
Bad Shoulder? No Problem!
Sheamus vs Damien Sandow in a Tables Match. Sandow ducked a Sheamus punch and moved to the outside. Sheamus slammed Sandow’s face on the steps. Sheamus pulled out a table and set it up ringside. Sandow went to the other side of the ring and hit a dropkick. Sandow pulled out a table of his own, but Sheamus threw it at Sandow. Back in the ring, Sandow caught Sheamus with an armbar to his injured shoulder from The Shield’s attack earlier. Sandow hit Sheamus with another table, then stomped the table leg onto the injured arm of Sheamus. Sheamus fought back and tossed Sandow over the rope. Sandow ducked a Brogue Kick, but Sheamus caught him with a battering ram. Sandow caught Sheamus with a side Russian leg sweep and his elbow. Sandow slammed Sheamus into the side of a table. Sandow set Sheamus up on a table, but Sheamus got up and knocked him off then delivered his rope punches. Sheamus hit White Noise on Sandow, putting him through the table set up in the corner.
Match Analysis: Best match of the night so far. Would have preferred to see Sandow go over an injured Sheamus there, but I guess they can’t have Sheamus look bad twice in one night. Survey Says: 2.5/5
Great Khali and Zack Ryder in a karaoke sing off. Great Khali failed miserably at HBK’s theme. 3MB interfered but ended up getting attacked.
THE RETURN OF THE JACKET!!!
Jericho said it was great to be back and it was one of the best nights of his career. He said it is a night he will ever forget. Dolph, Big E and A.J. came out. Dolph told Jericho that he didn’t work there anymore. A.J. said she was the one who got Y2J terminated as GM. Jericho told Dolph to control A.J. before she peed all over the ring. Big E told him to leave, then Jericho asked if the E stood for his bra size. Vickie said she re-signed Jericho. She then spun the wheel and it landed on strange bed fellows. They have to team together to face Team Hell No. Back from break Ziggler connected on an elbow. Bryan fought out of a headlock. Jericho tagged himself in and hit a dropkick on Bryan and Kane. Bryan tagged in Kane. Jericho threw Bryan into Kane and they argued. Kane shoved Bryan down. Ziggler tagged himself in. Jericho slapped Kane, but Kane thought it was Ziggler. Kane chokeslammed Ziggler to pick up the win.
Segment Analysis: Okay stuff. Nothing special. Assuming we will get a Jericho/Ziggler match at the Chamber. How does Jericho kid away with the kid jokes? Because He Is Chris Jericho, that’s why. Survey Says: 2.5/5
Quit The Company. Still Have Entrance Music.
Vince was out there and asked Paul Heyman to show up. Vince shook his hand and then cleaned it with sanitizer. Vince asked Heyman if he ever had The Shield or Brad Maddox under contract. Heyman thanked him for the opportunity to settle this. Heyman said the answer is No. Vince asked Heyman if he has ever lied. Heyman said he’s lied every day of his life because he is a promoter, and that is what promoters do. They do it to survive. But Heyman swears he is not lying now. Heyman said he is trying to become an honorable man. Vince asked for a close up of Heyman and asked if he was a honest man. The crowd said no. Vince said to roll the footage. It showed Heyman talking to Maddox and how he paid him to help beat Ryback but kept coming back for more. And when they paid The Shield they listened. Shield showed up in the footage and attacked Maddox. Vince asked for an explanation. Heyman said it wasn’t him. He said he has a thick Jewish New York accent and that it is easy to repeat. Vince was about to fire Heyman when Brock Lesnar showed up. Heyman told Lesnar he has it under control. Lesnar stared down Vince. Vince told him he shouldn’t do something he will regret later on. Heyman begged Vince to leave the ring. Lesnar ended up hitting the F5 on Vince.
Segment Analysis: And there is your build to HHH/Lesnar 2. Nice shock appearance by Lesnar to close the show. And they did a surprisingly good job of tying together everything involving Heyman, Maddox and The Shield. Heyman not knowing Lesnar was there was a good twist. They’ll have fans talking the next couple of days. Survey Says: 3.5/5
OVERALL
A couple of good segments was not enough to save this show. The majority of this show was bad. There was not a lot of wrestling on the show, and the matches that were on were too short to amount to anything. C.M. Punk’s opening promo rant was good, as well as the Punk/Rock exchange. The Shield looking strong against the 3 top faces in the WWE was good. The ending actually did a good job of tying things together, which is something the WWE rarely does. Of course, now we get to see HHH “The McMahon Family Avenger” return in a few weeks to get his win back against Brock at Wrestlemania. I’m giving the show a 3 overall. Not a good follow up to the Rumble.
Until Next Time,
Justin C
Follow Me On Twitter @JCWonka
