THE RAGER! Elimination Chamber: The Wrestlemania Pre-Show (Cena, CM Punk, Rock)

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So Elimination Chamber draws near and yet I oddly can’t seem to get as enthused about it as I have been in the past. Is it because I’m turning into a grouchy old man? Is it simply because I still have a bad taste in my mouth from Royal Rumble? Let us take a look at it, shall we?

Pre-Show Match: Brodus Clay & Tensai vs Rhodes Scholars
Why WWE decided to reunite Rhodes Scholars merely two weeks after splitting only to get squashed by WWE’s new toy is beyond me. Either way, it’s a pre-show so I highly doubt it’s really going to amount to anything much.

Divas Championship Match: Kaitlyn(‘s boobs)(c) vs Tamina?
Did anyone else actually know this was happening?

US Championship Match: Antonio Cesaro(c) vs Miz
I really would like to see Cesaro move onto another challenger but I’m okay with this match if Cesaro just does this for a solid 10 minutes straight and it probably be a lot better than the latest Miz botch. That might be the one thing I’m starting to agree with Blair on because I’ve always tried to see the best in Miz because he really does give a crap about the business. That being said, he’s been a royal screw up as of late and it’s starting to get old. I had a feeling that WWE would want Miz to finally win here and build him more as a face but I’m not so sure anymore.

The Shield vs The Super Friends (See what I did there?)
Why is there even a debate about this? It’s Cena’s last match before he turns his focus on Rock and WWE just has to book it to make Cena look like a super hero, I’m just surprised they didn’t book Cena to take Shield on by himself. Sure, it would be amazing if Shield beat these guys cleanly but I’m not holding my breath. (Side note: I saw that post somebody had made on reddit about details about Cena’s divorce and his affair with a porn star and how WWE is trying hard to cover it from breaking on TMZ…I thought this was fitting).

Elimination Chamber Match: Jack Swagger vs Chris Jericho vs Daniel Bryan vs Kane vs Mark Henry vs Randy Orton
The name of this game is, essentially, choosing who will win based on who has the best potential WM story and a lot of it depends on who ends up being the WHC. Jack Swagger would now fit in facing Del Rio now that Swagger has Beardly McRacist by his side now. Not exactly sure what WWE is trying to get accomplished by Swagger being joined by him, I’m thinking that perhaps WWE wanted Swagger to be more like that character but he was uncomfortable being the one saying those things but was fine standing next to the guy saying it. Personally, I would rather them bring up Bray Wyatt from NXT for this position, the promos would be way better and a tad less racist. I don’t really see Daniel Bryan or Kane in the WHC picture this WM, I think it’s more likely that we’ll see them either together or facing each other. I could see WWE revisiting Mark Henry/Big Show if WWE decides they wanna turn Henry face OR Ziggler cashes in and faces Mark Henry and WWE really puts Ziggler over by beating Henry at WM. I have no idea what they would do with Randy and, to be honest, I don’t really care to see him do anything. And then there’s the most compelling case with Jericho. I see Jericho winning, Ziggler cashing in and then they play up the whole “Jericho getting revenge” storyline that WWE has been sure to point out a few times. I’m going with the last scenario because that’s probably the least likely to suck.

World Heavyweight Championship Match: Alberto Del Rio(c) vs Big Show
This match-up almost doesn’t even matter given my scenario in the above section. I just know Del Rio is going to win again because this feud is bound to end and I now have a strong feeling that Del Rio and Swagger is going to have a feud now in a battle of hegemonic notions. As for Big Show, stick him in another quick large tag match that involves some celeb, he had his moment last year, he doesn’t need any more.

WWE Championship Match: The Rock(c) vs CM Punk
I’m still hoping for a clean match with a clean ending but given the shenanigans of this week’s Raw, it’s looking more and more like that’s not going to be the case. My perfect scenario would be for them to lower the Elimination Chamber cage and lock the two inside for the match because, if everything goes as WWE planned, this might be the last time we see a Punk/Rock match and they need to go out on a much better match than Rumble. The tricky thing here is that Rock needs to look strong as the champion and Punk needs to look strong if he’s suppose to be a credible threat to Taker’s streak and a clean finish might undercut one of these men. A lot of people are suggesting that an Undertaker run-in would be a solution to the ending so that Punk would focus his anger towards Taker than the WWE Championship. It’s not a terrible idea but it’s far too predictable and I’m wanting something more unexpected. What that is, I really don’t have an answer because I don’t like any armchair booking that leads to Twice in a Lifetime, even if that’s what will probably happen anyway.

Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do twice,
Chris

The Answer: I think from now on whenever somebody asks me what I do, I’m gonna say Chief Digital Processor…sounds a lot better than data entry.

Chris is a writer from Fayetteville, NC. He's the co-creator of Irrelevant But Awesome Productions which produces podcasts you all know and love like Classy Ring Attire, Trashy Ring Attire and The Disney Magic Podcast. You can keep up with everything on twitter by following @IBAStudios and @CWSanders39