Welcome! This is the fifth out of thirteen stops on “That Being Said: The WrestleMania Expedition”. For anyone unfamiliar with my work or recaps, I have disclaimers at the bottom of the article along with the “Expedition” schedule.
I haven’t seen NXT since, no joke, the very first episode – you know, that one where Bryan tore the house down with Jericho? That was before WWE went “so, you fans like Bryan, do you? Too bad. The winner of NXT is this asshole you don’t care about.” Since then, the show has apparently undergone quite a few changes – I believe they even had a Diva Season that Swayze used to tell me was pretty crazy. Now it’s a regular weekly show that is used as WWE’s proving ground, like ECW used to be.
Anyway, I’m looking forward to checking it out. Before you check the recap out, did you know I had a great idea for Elimination Chamber this Sunday? In case you didn’t see it in the comments:
You want to make some real money? Here are your six guys for the Elimination Chamber:
– The Miz
– Wade Barrett
– Mark Henry
– Jack Swagger
– Cody Rhodes or Damien Sandow
Take out a large insurance policy on all the guys beforehand. Plant a bomb under the ring. Ensure the explosion is small so the crowd doesn’t get caught in the blast radius. Ensure that either Cody or Damien accompany the other to the ring so that they ARE caught in the blast radius.
As soon as you lock all the guys in the ring, detonate the bomb, look surprised and sad, blame it on terrorism, and collect the insurance.
I guess you could just fire them too, but this way is more fun, creates a chance to appear tough on terrorism and the opportunity to do a touching tribute show. And it involves the ONLY chance these dudes are going to bring in any money. And no one will really miss them.
Also, take a look at the WrestleMania card and tell me how affected you think it will really be by the loss of these “stars”. The 2 or 3 main events? They’re fine, no change there. WHC match? Have Del Rio take on Orton, Bryan or Ziggler and it’ll be better than anything involving any of the deceased wrestlers. Have whoever the two you don’t use team up with Ryback to fight Shield.
This is why I’m in commercial finance. All right, let’s get this episode of SuperStars going. I’m glad this is a short show, as I gotta do Elimination Chamber on Sunday. Did you know I thought NXT was on Wednesdays, until… like… yesterday? Crazy. Anyway, I kind of want to watch the 2 new episodes of Californication from this week, so hopefully this isn’t too painful.
That Being Said: The WrestleMania Expedition
Part 5 of 13: WWE NXT – 02.13.2013
Opening video package shows us last week, where Shawn Michaels presented the new WWE NXT Tag-Team Championship belts, the winners of which wil be determined by a tournament. Neat! 3MB was beaten by two NXT wrestlers, and then 2 out of 3 giant bearded white-trash looking motherfuckers called the Wyatt Family won their match. Alex Riley is still alive, as it turns out, and he and his partner were beaten by someone called Ohno (who I recognize as Chris Hero) and his partner. Michael McGuillicutty and Bo Dallas won their match as well. In the semi-finals, the Wyatt Family won their match, as did two wrestlers named Neville and Grey.
Very cool to see Hero, he was never my favorite guy but he can hold his own. Dude looks like he gained some weight though – nice to see McGuillicutty and Alex Riley are still alive too. Wait, no it’s not. I totally don’t care.
Those Wyatt Family dudes, though? They are meth-addict creepy – it’s a unique look though, definitely the kind of thing we haven’t seen in WWE for a while.
Do you like Necro Butcher, but wish there were 3 of him? These dudes look like they could be for you.
The theme song is horrible. Hey, Biggie is here! Fans are chanting “NXT”. Quite the small arena, but it’s a neat atmosphere actually. The commentators of this show are Tony Dawson and William Regal.
Mike Dolphin .vs. Axel Keegan
Mike Dolphin appears as though he’d fit into that new generation of shitty Hart wrestlers quite well – Axel looks like a medium-sized brawler type. As he comes out, a girl that I’m told is Paige runs out from behind him and attacks the blonde, who I’m told is named Summer, who came out with Dolphin, and runs her out of the arena.
This Paige girl grabs the microphone, and says in her British voice that the show won’t go on until Summer gets in the ring, unfortunately she says it as if she’s about to cry. Paige says she’s not moving until the girl gets back in the ring.
Axel tries to talk to her, so she smacks him and he immediately leaves the ring. Ha! Weird.
What the fuck?! “American Dream” hits, and Dusty Rhodes is the fucking commissioner of NXT?!?! Where the fuck have I been? I suppose it’s a step up from doing this same job in the Impact Zone out of the back of a pickup truck.
Anyway, Dusty says she needs to get out of the ring, but she refuses. Dusty tells the referee to get her out of the the ring, so the ref tries to get her out, but Paige isn’t moving.
Summer comes back out, yelling at Paige. Paige rushes her on the stage, and the two brawl all over poor old Dusty while he tries to get them to calm the fuck down. Referees eventually separates them.
Winner: What The Fuck?!?! I don’t know, but definitely not Dusty Rhodes.
Backstage, the referee is checking on Paige’s shoulder.
Alex Riley .vs. Corey Graves
Alex Riley still has his catchy theme music – this Corey guy looks like a loser, and the announcers say he’s a “bad boy”. He comes out in a paint-spackled jean-vest. This is how Vince McMahon sees “bad boys”.
Fans chant for Riley – he starts out with some punches, and runs Graves into the corners before hitting a clothesline. Graves tries to escape, but Riley hip-tosses him back into the ring. Atomic drop by Riley, followed by a nice dropkick. Graves hits Riley with a kick in the knee, then a kick in the head. He starts dropping elbows and fists, and starts elbowing ins face. He then goes for a chinlock… sort of. He’s tearing at his cheeks. This guy would do good in the Diva division.
William Regal: “Normal people don’t do that.”
The announcers say that Summer and Paige are fighting in the next match. Shoulder by Graves gets 2… ha, that’s funny. Half-nelson sleeper by Graves follows this up, and Riley eventually powers up before Graves beats him down. Graves has “stay down” tattooed on his knuckles, which is kinda cool. Riley backdrops out of a sleeper, and hits a spinebuster for 2. Flying elbow into the corner by Riley, but Graves powers him off and spears him in the leg. He then hits a weird modified figure-4 where his opponent is face-down, which actually isn’t bad. Riley taps.
Winner: Corey Graves
Corey gives Riley a SINISTER GLARE after the match. Pretty boring match, I’ve never been high on Riley and Graves is a snoozefest himself, but his finishing submission is cool.
Backstage, the referee is still taping up Paige’s shoulder, even though she has a match next. Bitch is hardcore!
Elimination Chamber video package. Not really looking forward to recapping this one, although hopefully at least Punk / Rock is better this time around.
Paige .vs. Summer Ray
Summer “Ray”, you say? Is this Sara Del Ray? If so, has anyone checked on the whereabouts of Hargrove? Actually, someone should check on that whether it’s Del Ray or not. William Regal calls Paige “Miss Hell In Boots” and she gives the Daphne scream before she gets into the ring.
This goes into full catfight mode as soon as we start, until Sara starts working the arm, hitting an armbar but this only gets her 1. She then hits a BIG SPLASH – on the shoulder. That’s stupid. She then locks on an arm submission and Paige starts making porn noises. She eventually counters this into a very nice rollup and kicks Summer HARD in the stomach. She screams out and the crowd loves it, before she grabs Sara by the hair and flings her across the ring. She does the Stone Cold stomps in the corner, but Sara wrenches her bad arm over the rope and regains control with the weakest roundhouse kick you’ve ever seen.
Winner: Joseph Hargrove
Ha, well this was lame, especially that horrible kick to finish off. Probably still better than any Diva match you see on RAW, though.
Backstage, a girl delivers another girl a Valentine with a poem. She doesn’t know who it’s from, but she’s finding out next week.
Next week, Biggie fights someone named Conor O’Brian, and Tyson Kidd has a post-surgery interview. Nice of them to give that interview such prominent placement.
WWE NXT Tag-Team Championship Match
The Wyatt Family (Harper & Rowan w/Bray) .vs. Adrien Naville & Oliver Grey
Finals of WWE NXT Tag-Team Championship Tournament
Wow, now that I’m getting a better look at Dusty, he looks terrible. Poor old bastard. The NXT Tag Belts look nicer than most titles on the main WWE programming. Fuck, here come these Wyatt guys. I can imagine they get CRAZY heat – one of them is carrying a ROCKING chair for Wyatt to sit in, and I’m told that Bray is actually Husky Harris, who is injured and just leading this faction. Good, Husky sucks, keep him out of the ring. I tell you though, crazy white-power vibe going on with these dudes though. It’s a good look for heels. Their theme music is just some instrumental downplayed country backing noise. That’s funny.
Naville & Rowan start – Rowan in control to start, but Naville ducks a charge and does a dive to the outside that hits Rowan.
Back from commercial, and it’s Gray and Harper in there now. Back-and-forth posturing, before Gray takes control and works over Harper’s arm. He tags Naville, who does a double STOMP off the top rope to the arm. Ouch – he takes Grey back in. I’m told that Naville & Grey are British, and Regal is likening them to the British Bulldogs, naturally. You know, because they’re British.
Harper tags Rowan, but the Brits remain in control. Naville hitting some nice high kicks, but Rowan takes him into the corner and ducks a clothesline attempt but eats a nice backflip dropkick. More double-team work from the Brits, which is odd and a nice touch if they’re supposed to be the babyfaces, as they’ve spent the majority of the match in control and double-teaming. Of course, this goes out the window when Harper comes back in and catches Naville’s cross-body and tosses him to the mat. He stomps him a bit, but Grey comes in and jumps on his back for a sleeper, which is never a great move – knowing this, Harper backs him into the corner and tags Rowan.
Rowan battles Grey, but Bray Wyatt interferes from the outside and pulls him off the apron. Dusty Rhodes ejects Bray from ringside, and Bray just has this insane creepy smile that he’s staring at Dusty with while he backs up the ramp. I’m pretty sure that Bray is going to go murder one of Dusty’s kids now, by the look on his face. If so, please let it be Cody.
Back in the ring, Rowan tags in and he hits a bodyslam on Grey. Chinlock by Rowan, but Grey powers up with some punches – this doesn’t get him anywhere and he eats a backbreaker for 2. Rowan goes back to the chinlock. Harper tags in, and hits an elbow for 2. Sleeper by Harper, and he tags Rowan back in. Harper clubs him a few times, and throws on a bearhug before running him back into the corner to get double-teamed.
Grey crawls to his corner, and dodges elbows from Rowan. Neville tags in and cleans house – he hits a great swinging DDT on Rowan and gets 2. He then hits a boot to the head, and does a springboard but eats a big boot in midair for a very nice spot. The other 2 are back in now, and it’s a brawl – Neville & Harper are legal. Harper accidentally knocks Rowan off the apron, and Neville hits a clothesline – and then a VERY nice twisting top-rope move that I don’t even know what to call. Pin.
Winners & New WWE NXT Tag-Team Champions: Adrien Neville & Oliver Grey
Regal is proud to be English, and they celebrate. Not a great match, but there were nice touches – I liked how the babyfaces were in control for a while and doing the double-teaming in their corner. The ending sequence was quite well done by both teams. Those Wyatt guys are pretty boring wrestlers, but their look alone is quite good – they couldn’t really keep up with Neville & Grey, who seem to be quite a good team. I didn’t get much of a chance to see Grey on offense, but Neville seems solid.
Neville & Grey cut an incredibly lame babyface promo afterwards, and they thank the crowd and hug a bunch.
Overall, it wasn’t bad. 3 matches in 40 minutes is impressive – the first two matches were basically nothing, and the last one was, as I mentioned, pretty formulaic aside from a couple small nice touches. Those Wyatt fuckers though, man they stand out like a sore thumb. Good for them. Too bad they’re not great wrestlers. Also, I thought it was funny when one angry British girl told two male wrestlers that their match was basically off and smacked them out of the ring. Poor Dusty must have his hands full on this show.
Oh, and someone should probably check if the one Wyatt murdered any of Dusty’s kids by now.
Well, that’s all the time we have for this week. Again, any and all comments and thoughts are always appreciated, or you can feel free to e-mail me at email@example.com. Also, feel free to follow me on Twitter @BDInsidePulse if you’re into such things.
The 6th stop on That Being Said: The WrestleMania Expedition will take place this Sunday, where I will recap Elimination Chamber.
This has been “That Being Said”. Thanks for reading and I’ll see you then.
It’s Californication time – I need more Bates in my life.
Happy Valentines Day, you unwashed animals.
I’ll be in my trailer.
DISCLAIMER #1: These recaps should in NO way be treated as a professional and unbiased play-by-play of whatever the show in question is. Inside Pulse has no shortage of professional and live coverage, so if that’s what you’re looking for, I refer you to Mike Gojira, Scott Keith, Justin Czerwonka, or another of their ilk. Rather than a recap per se, I look at this as an ongoing 3-month narrative from someone who doesn’t normally watch full shows beginning to do exactly that for WrestleMania season. The reason this idea sounds like fun to me is that this time period is usually when many casual or former fans will tune back in anyway. So I know that as I’m tuning back in, many others will be as well.
DISCLAIMER #2: Quite often, when myself or another writer rips on a show (justifiably so or otherwise), they will get their fair share of people believing or commenting that they believe the recapper thinks that wrestling now is worse than it’s ever been. Usually it’s something like “WHAT, SO THE ATTITUDE ERA WAS SO GREAT?!?! THOSE MATCHES SUCKED TOO!” or something like that, even when you haven’t mentioned the Attitude Era at all. In fact, that’s a popular opinion out there right now in general – that wrestling is worse now than it’s ever been. Me personally, just for the record – I definitely think 2007-2009 and 2003-2004 definitely hold up worse than the current product. Not MUCH worse, mind you – and I do believe that current shows are pretty lame. But if I’m being honest, it’s not as bad as it’s ever been, much as it may feel that way sometimes.
DISCLAIMER #3: In the spirit of Disclaimer #2… I am going to do my best to go into these shows with an uncynical and unjaded eye. I’m hoping to like what I see – there is some stuff going on that COULD be promising depending on where they go with it and who they decide to feature prominently. But I promise nothing in terms of what’s going to come out of me if I don’t like the shows. Anyone who read any of my TNA recaps or the odd WWE recap that I did knows that I have very little tolerance for stupid or boring stuff. If, an hour into a 3-hour RAW, they decide to give me Shaemus against Cody Rhodes for 20 minutes while Michael Cole tells me they’re the future of the business and that I still have Ryback against Wade Barrett to look forward to in the second hour, then I’m going to feel like putting my fucking dick through a bone decalcinator, which means that me feeling like putting my fucking dick through a bone decalcinator is something you’re probably going to hear about.
DISCLAIMER #4: The obvious one – the opinions and views I express are my own, and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of Inside Pulse or it’s owners, staff, or numerous writers.
DISCLAIMER #5: Regardless of how it all turns out, weather I find the shows good, boring or bad, if nothing else, I’m going to try my best to to have fun with these recaps over this 3-month period. I’m a guy who can usually have fun with a recap even when watching a show I don’t enjoy. For me, that’s the point of this experiment – or of anything else I may write for Inside Pulse – to have fun. Worst case scenario, I lose all patience and have a rage blackout like I’ve done on on the odd recap before, and sometimes even that can be entertaining. Regardless, the point is – this is for fun – and I hope you have as much fun reading this season as I’m hoping to have writing it.
“That Being Said” WrestleMania Tour Schedule:
PREMIERE – Jan 14: WWE RAW (20th Anniversary)
Jan 23: WWE Main Event
Jan 27: WWE Royal Rumble
Feb 01: WWE SmackDown
Feb 14: WWE NXT
Feb 17: WWE Elimination Chamber
Mar 07: TNA Impact
Mar 10: TNA LockDown
Mar 14: TNA Impact
Mar 18: WWE RAW
Mar 29: WWE SmackDown
Apr 01: WWE RAW
FINALE – APR 07: WrestleMania
Tags: Antonio Cessaro, big show, Brock Lesnar, cm punk, Cody Rhodes, Damien Sandow, Daniel Bryan, john cena, kane, Kofi Kingston, Main Event, NXT, Raw, sheamus, Smackdown, The Miz, The Rock, The Shield, undertaker, vince mcmahon, Wade Barrett, WWE