The SmarK Rant for TNA One Night Only: X-Stravaganza!

The SmarK Rant for TNA One Night Only:  X-Stravaganza

So this is the first of the marathon PPV tapings done in Orlando before they closed the doors on TNA’s time there, and I figured for $20 (HD) it was worth a try.  Plus it’s not like there’s anything else going on this weekend anyway.

Taped from Orlando, FL

Your hosts are Mike Tenay & Taz

Throughout the show there’s video packages about the history of the X Division and great moments.  Good stuff.

X-Scape the Cage match:  Matt Bentley v. Alex Silva v. Lince Dorado v. Sam Shaw v. Puma v. Jimmy Rave v. Christian York

Seven guys seems a bit random, but then I’m sure the whole show will be.  OK, so this is an elimination match by pin or submission, and the last two guys will have to escape to win.  And it’s four-corners rules, so two guys at a time and you have to tag.  That’s a lot of rules.   Everyone pairs off to start to get spots in, with Puma getting a headstand into a headscissor takedown on York, allowing Rave and Bentley to beat him down in the corner.  Man, Matt Bentley got OLD.  Pretty boy wrestlers do not age well.  Rave and Bentley double-team York until Shaw saves, at which point it’s BREAKING LOOSE IN TULSA.  Dorado gets a tornado DDT on York for two, but he comes back with a neckbreaker and we get the long-awaited Shaw-Silva showdown.  Shaw gets a jawbreaker into a dropkick for two, but Bentley comes in with a suplex into a flying elbow for two on Shaw.  Dorado rolls up York for two, but York comes back with the neckbreaker to finally pin someone at 7:26 and eliminate him.  Next up, Puma hits Shaw with kicks, but gets pinned by a neckbreaker at 8:02.  Silva runs wild on Shaw and then Bentley, but Shaw hits his double neckbreaker on Silva, and Bentley steals the pin at 9:05.  This crowd is DEAD.  Hard to blame them too much.  Bentley works Shaw over, and Rave comes in with forearms and yes, another neckbreaker variation for the pin at 10:45.  Rave and Bentley double-team York, but he comes back with a neckbreaker on Bentley and pins him at 12:40, giving us a Rave-York final.  So now you have to escape to win.  Rave runs him into the cage and quickly climbs, but York hauls him back in and they fight on top. Rave pulls him down by the dreads and gets to the top, but York saves and they slug it out on top of the cage.  Back in, and York uses the most devastating move of all time, a TOP ROPE NECKBREAKER, and since no human being (in this match) could survive that, he is able to fight Rave off and escape at 16:00.  This would have been a pretty decent indy show main event, I guess.  **1/2

Douglas Williams & Kid Kash v. Anthony Nese & Rashad Cameron

This is “old school v. new school” as Cameron gets another payday after disappearing last year.  Cameron and Williams exchange clean breaks in the corner and Cameron rolls him up for two.  Williams goes for the leg and rolls him up into a surfboard in some sweet mat wrestling, but Cameron rolls him up for two again.  The heels regroup, but Nese controls Kash with armdrags and they do some nice basic stuff.  Nese with a springboard bodypress for two and a clothesline to put Kash on the floor, but he tries a dive and gets WAFFLED by a Williams clothesline.  Cameron hits both heels with a flip dive, however, and then Nese follows with his own dive.  That got the crowd going.  Back in, Nese springboards right into a Kash forearm and he’s your new school face in peril.  Nese takes a beating but quickly makes the hot tag to Cameron, who goes up with a missile dropkick on Williams for two.  Another cheapshot from Kash turns the tide, however, and he tosses Cameron by the afro and chokes away in the corner.  Backdrop suplex gets two.  Cameron slugs back on Williams, but a snap suplex puts him down again and Kash kicks in the face a few times. Drop suplex and he chokes him out more, but Cameron fights back until Kash puts him down again and goes up.  Moonsault hits knee and it’s back to Nese, who hits a BEAUTY double springboard moonsault for two.  Leg lariat on Williams and pumphandle driver, but Kash breaks it up and tosses Cameron.  Nese gets a running knee on Williams for two and goes up, but he tries a german suplex and gets countered.  Williams tries a rollup, but Nese blocks it for two.  Kash breaks it up and Williams hits the Chaos Theory suplex for the pin at 13:00.  Very entertaining tag match!  ***1/2  Nese has an awesome look and I think WWE should take a look at him.

Robbie E v. Chavo Guerrero

With special referee Joseph Park!  His brother, Abyss, was once X division champion, you see.  Robbie runs away and complains to start, then tosses Chavo and misses a dive.  Chavo in with the senton for two, which has Robbie complaining to Park again before taking over with a cheapshot.  Elbow off the middle rope gets two.  Chinlock, but Chavo fights out with a dropkick and a leg lariat.  Robbie escapes the suplex, but tries a bodypress and lands in Park’s arms.   That allows Chavo to hit the three amigos and finish with the frog splash at 4:55.  Pretty much a squash for Chavo.  *1/2

Ultimate X:  Rubix v. Zema Ion v. Kenny King v. Mason Andrews

Here’s some small world weirdness for you:  I let Twitter search my Gmail contacts last week to find people I might know, and one of the names that I have apparently corresponded with before is Rubix, although I have no idea what his name was when he e-mailed me because it only gave me his Twitter handle.  I searched Gmail for his real name and got nothing there either, so it’ll forever be a mystery, I guess, much like the man himself.  Anyway, everyone quickly fights to the floor while I ignore the first part of the match to tell that marginally interesting story, and back in Rubix hits Ion with a missile dropkick and gives Andrew a slingshot legdrop.  Everyone climbs and King makes the first attempt, but Rubix and Andrews haul him down, which Taz describes as “the old nutbuster”.  Ion slams Rubix off the top and everyone piles up in the corner, which allows Andrews to suplex King while Rubix goes for the X and then hits Ion with a rana instead.  King puts Rubix outside and follows with a bodypress dive, then Andrews hits them with a flip dive, and Ion gives them a twisting bodypress, and Rubix goes up the scaffold and hits all three with his own bodypress.  He goes for he X, but King pulls him down for the Royal Flush and goes up.  Ion stops him, but King suplexes Ion onto the floor before falling victim to Andrews’ rana.  Andrews almost gets the X, but Ion saves.  King hits him with a running knee, and Rubix hits King with a tornado DDT and everyone is out.  Andrews goes for the win first, and Rubix pulls him down for a german suplex.  Ion hits King with a neckbreaker and goes up, but Andrews just runs him into the scaffold to get rid of him, then a big running knee for Rubix. Andrews and Ion go for it, but Andrews takes him down with a mid-air flatliner.  Rubix makes a go and unhooks the X, but Kenny King stops him with an electric chair and grabs the X to win at 15:30.  No stakes, obviously, but they let it all hang out.  ***3/4

Bad Influence v. Sonjay Dutt & Petey Williams

Petey hits Daniels with a flying headscissors and dropkicks him on the ropes, and it’s over to Sonjay, who gets a standing moonsault on Kaz for two.  The faces do some double-teaming and they get stereo submission holds.   Nice one from Petey as he dropkicks Daniels and lands in a senton on Kaz before Kazarian finally stunguns him to stop the Canadian onslaught.  The double-team slingshots get two for Kazarian, and Daniels puts him down with a stomp off the middle rope for two.  They work him over and Kaz gets a springboard legdrop for two and cuts off the ring with a facelock.  False tag and Kazarian lays the smack talk on Canada, but it’s hot tag Dutt.  He bulldogs Daniels into the corner and follows with a tornado DDT for two.  Kazarian springboards in with his own DDT for two, and Bad Influence hit a double-team sideslam for two.  Petey saves and tries the Destroyer, but Kaz saves.  It’s BONZO GONZO and Petey hits Daniels with a rana to the floor while Kazarian tries a cheap pin on Sonjay and gets two.  Dutt superkicks him in return and goes up, but Daniels brings him down into Kazarian’s Fade to Black and Daniels finishes with the BME at 12:53.  Our heroes for the beatdown, but Kazarian takes a Canadian Destroyer to end the segment on a happy note for the fans.  More good stuff here, although the ending was a bit flat.  ***

Rob Van Dam v. Jerry Lynn

Unfortunately Lynn’s last TNA appearance comes on a PPV that I think literally no one but me is watching.  Stalemate to start as each guy bails to the floor in turn. Rob cuts off a dive and finds a chair, but Lynn hits him with a clothesline and they head to the floor again.  Rob gets a table this time, but Lynn guillotines him in the ropes and tries a tornado DDT.  Rob blocks so Lynn gets an awkward neckbreaker for two instead.  They fight to the floor and battle over a table, but neither can use it.  Back in, Rob goes up and gets brought down by a rana, but recovers with a spinkick.  He goes up and Lynn powerbombs him onto the chair for two.  Rob grabs the chair and showboats, so Lynn spears him through the table for two.  Rob with a northern lights suplex onto the chair for two, and the frog splash misses and hits chair.  Lynn cradles for two off that.  Lynn legdrops him on the chair for two, but Rob counters the piledriver into a rollup for two.  Lynn goes up and gets dropkicked down through the table on the floor, which gets two for RVD.  Frog splash finishes at 15:50.  This was fine, but kind of sad with two aging guys doing all the chair and table shortcuts at a slower pace.  **1/2  Lynn gets a classy sendoff from the locker room.

Austin Aries v. Samoa Joe

This really should have been a rematch of the famous Styles v. Daniels v. Joe three-way, but obviously AJ is hands-off for these shows.   Aries bails to start off a headlock, and tries his own without any success.  Joe slugs away and follows with the enzuigiri and kneedrop.  Aries tries to post him, but stops to yell at the fans and pays the price, as Joe recovers and chops him right into the front row.  Back in, Aries goes to work on the leg and adds his own facewash, then cranks on the leg for two.  Aries throws kicks, but that just annoys Joe, so Aries takes out the leg again and pounds away in the corner. Kneecrusher and legwhip set up the figure-four, as he takes a page out of the Muto playbook.  Joe reverses and dumps Aries to the floor, but misses a suicide dive, allowing Aries to hit his own.  Aries’ victory lap is great.  Back in, Aries goes up with the missile dropkick, but that just angries up the blood and Joe makes the comeback.  Atomic drop and big boot set up the senton for two.  Powerslam gets two.  Powerbomb gets two, into the STF, but Aries bites the fingers to break.  They slug it out and Aries clips the knee again, but Joe pulls him into the choke and Aries barely falls into the ropes.  Aries, a true coward, clutches the bottom rope for dear life.  Joe misses a charge and Aries gets the dropkick and brainbuster, which Joe reverses into a front suplex.  Aries with a crucifix slam and a punt to put Joe out, but he can’t get him up for the brainbuster and simply tries a pin instead for two.  To the top, but the 450 misses and Joe drops him with the STO.   Muscle Buster is reversed to a cradle for the pin at 18:24, however, as Aries gets the first clean win I’ve seen him get in a long while.  ***1/2  Nothing you wouldn’t see on Impact, though.

The Pulse

For $20 I’d call it an easy thumbs up, with no bad matches and no bullshit storyline stuff.  On the other hand, no storylines means no stakes or real reason to buy it, so if you’d be into a good selection of guys you don’t normally see showcased doing some good matches, give it a look.

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