Review: Age of Ultron #7 by Brian Bendis and Brandon Peterson

Age_of_Ultron_Vol_1_7

Age of Ultron #7

Written by Brian Michael Bendis

Present art by Brandon Peterson and Paul Mounts

Past art by Carlos Pacheco, Roger Martinez, and Jose Villarrubia

 

The short of it:

It’s years ago and Hank Pym is dead, murdered by Wolverine so that he can never create Ultron, and enabled by Sue “Think of the children” Richards. She’s all remorse and regret to the point where you’d assume she did more than not stop Wolverine from doing it, whereas Logan is like “I killed someone? Whatever, it’s Tuesday.” He’s got Nick Fury’s flying car now, and he’s ready to keep it when they jump back to the present. He was right to do this, it was the right decision.

So now they’re in the present and…you know what? I’ve gotta put in a disclaimer. I’m going to start cursing soon, and there will be F bombs, so if you’re offended by those…then understand that this book is offensive to my sensibilities as a reader.

In the present they find the Savage Land wrecked from the Kree-Skrull War, which Wolverine has never heard of for some fucking reason, and there are Starkguard people there. So they take their flying car to New York, and Sue has a nervous breakdown that the only difference is that now there are a bunch of mini helicarriers. Apparently being well defended is worse than being mass slaughtered, I guess. Defense is a thing though, they get shot down instantly. So the Defenders teleport in to kick their asses, and then debate whether or not they’re Skrulls and Hulk should smash them, or if they aren’t Skrulls and…they never actually cover that, Logan and Sue run instantly. Not fans of explaining to people what they’re doing, those two. Not that it matters, Sue’s powers aren’t Wolverine proof, so that running lasts a page before Hulk starts groping her ass. At least that’s how it looked.

It isn’t the past, it’s an altered timeline, so they keep the secrets of who they are all the way up until the Defenders knock them both out. At this point they aren’t Skrulls, because Skrulls go Skrully after getting knocked out, but none of this matters because you can’t stop a despot via time travel without creating another one.

Age of Ultron? Lame, this is the Age of Iron Man now! Fucking right on! That’s what we wanted! ANOTHER NEW FUCKING STATUS QUO!

 

What I liked:

 

  • Brandon Peterson’s art was a lot better this issue, still not fantastic, but a lot easier on the eyes than last issue.

  • Whenever Bendis writes Doctor Strange you get the little in depth spell details, the same way Fraction always wrote out Iron Fist’s kung fu. I absolutely love the way they do that, it makes the character feel like they’re doing a specific action instead of generic super magic/kung fu. It adds personality.

  • I like that the Defenders are the superheroes, not because I enjoy the team, or the roster, but at least it’s not the Super Avengers or something like that. Or a Captain America led X-Men.

  • Janet Van Dyne is Captain Marvel. I have no idea how, but yay! It’s not Mar-Vell! Every altered timeline finds a way to use him, and I hate it. There have been seven different ones over the years (six if you want to be anal and not count the Skrull impersonator), but he is easily the most boring.


What I didn’t like:

 

  • Carlos Pacheco did like, five pages. Not nearly enough.

  • For as much as I liked the way Bendis had been writing Wolverine, he just completely falls apart as a character in this issue. From saying he’s never killed someone that didn’t deserve it, to saying he’d never heard of the Kree/Skrull War because it was ‘before my time’. He knows about the Secret Invasion, lived through the Secret Invasion, but doesn’t know that it came about because of the Kree/Skrull War? Shenanigans.

  • Man, these Defenders REALLY want Logan and Sue to be Skrulls. To the point of being obnoxious about it.

  • Sue is only capable of making them invisible, which is completely worthless against everyone that she has come up against in this series so far. Why the hell would you take one of the most potentially powerful characters in the company, use them as a main character, then make them ridiculously ineffective?

  • Oh, hey, even better, the first six issues of this game changing event? THEY NEVER FUCKING HAPPENED!


Final thoughts:

Sue Richards: “How many people have you killed in your life?”

Wolverine: “Nobody that didn’t have it comin’.”

Bullshit, I can think of dozens of people he has slaughtered who didn’t have it coming. He’s the poster child for mind controlled berzerker murder frenzy. Remember Mark Millar’s run?

This is a story about two people going back in time to change history, and then being surprised history actually changed. At every twist and turn they are surprised at how different things are despite making a conscious and knowing effort to change history, and they come across as the two biggest idiots ever.

If you look at the cast list in the back, it has one-eyed-bad-haircut-bionic-armed-Cyclops listed as “Cable”, while Cable is Colonel America. Or maybe that’s just old Steve with a missing eye, though I can’t explain why he’s any older than he is in regular comics. Or why he looks like Nick Fury met Cable and put on a Captain America uniform. Since he still would have woken up at the same time, and nobody else is old.

I read this book first today, and Superior Spider-Man second. I spent about five minutes debating whether or not I ever wanted to read comics, Marvel especially, ever again. Earth 2 and All-New X-Men reminded me that not everything has to suck all of the time, and I REALLY needed that. The jaw dropping ‘why am I spending money on this’ factors behind Marvel’s two biggest books of the week are just…I genuinely love All-New X-Men and Uncanny X-Men. Nova and Guardians of the Galaxy are fantastic, and I actually cried when I heard X-Factor was cancelled. I love Marvel. But after sitting through House of M, Secret Invasion, Fear Itself, and AVX, is it too much to ask that they not give me a horrible event with a bad ‘this blatantly won’t last’ status quo? Can they make things fun again? Please?

I don’t want an XTREME two issue take on the Defenders on a world ruled by Tony Stark in my mainstream 616 Marvel event. I want that in my Exiles or X-Treme X-Men stories…but hey, both of those were cancelled, and we instead get the backdrop of an Exiles or X-Treme X-Men story without the level of depth.

Bad time travel stories are the absolute worst. Especially in event form.


Overall: Shoot Me/10….if I have to go with a number, it gets a “I’m rating this too high 4/10″. Because I have read much, much worse.

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