No Chance – Extreme Rules Matches for Those Who Don’t Quite Get the Definition of Extreme

This past weekend, we were graced with the rare opportunity of seeing a strap match. If you don’t know why that’s worth mentioning, I suggest you find out by checking out last week’s episode of Classy Ring Attire. Not only that but in the very same night we were graced with getting to see a Tornado Tag Team Match. (Again, check out last week’s Classy Ring Attire to understand why this is a big deal.) In a world where we get to see singles matches week after week, and a no count out stipulation is about as eccentric as a match usually gets, Every now and then it’s great to see what types of matches still technically count as official WWE matches. These are a few types of matches that I wouldn’t mind seeing again, though probably just for the absurdity rather than the idea that these stipulations might generate good matches.

King of the Mountain Match: It’s the exact opposite of a Ladder Match. This time the winner is the first one to hand the belt up over the ladder. Mostly I just want to see if that belt is as hard to hang up there as it seems to be to get it down.

Championship Scramble: For a set amount of time, there are five or so guys competing for the title. If the champion gets pinned however the match is not over, at least not until the time is up. So the other guys have to go back and try and get the championship from this new “interim” champion. What could be great about these is that for the most part the match is one guy vs. four and that one guy keeps changing because of whoever is currently the champion. Sure this could very much run the risk of a Super Cena style victory but it’s something I would be interesting in at least seeing.

Football Classic Match: Ok, so the concept here is that there are cages beside the ring with weapons locked in them. And the keys for opening the cages are attached to a football. So the wrestlers have to try and gain possession of the football and try and get it to their manager who will unlock the cage thus allowing access to the weapons. I never got around to seeing any of the XFL in the very short time that it was on the TV, so maybe there is something there that could curb my enthusiasm for seeing something like this, but for now, the concept of, as Mick Foley put it, watching guy play “a cross between keep away, monkey in the middle, and kill the guy with the ball.” Sounds oddly appealing.

Fans Bring the Weapons Match: This concept, which was popular in ECW could be quite violent, but if the right people in the crowd bring the right weapons. Who needs chairs and tables, when the audience can provide you with a quilt and a box of spaghetti. And the wrestlers have to use the items. Ready Go.

Four Corners Tag Team Elimination Match: Tag Teams as Tag Teams. So on one hand, the match is very simply an eight man tag team match which we get all the time and is never all that exciting but with four already established tag teams, each one stationed at  a corner of the ring, the opportunity to tag someone from not your team is there and could lead to interesting story development. This isn’t the most uncommon of matches, but at the same time, it’s one that is often quite underutilized and as the WWE continues to struggle building back up a tag team division (with the notable and glorious exception of Team Friendship) this could serve as a way to generate some sort of conflict between two tag teams who were forced to work together.

Flag Match: You guys. It’s capture the flag, in a wrestling ring. Capture the Flag is usually played in a massive field, or perhaps the forest. But imagine the whole thing shrunk down to a tiny ring with huge guys in it. This would be even better if it was a team of wrestlers vs. another team rather than just a singles match. Bonus points if this is a match between overly patriotic characters and the flag that are being captured are actual flags of their countries.

One Final Note: I should add a small disclaimer here at the end for those of you who are staring at this list, mouth agape in horror. I am not saying that these are the matches that WWE is missing out on by not doing. Stipulations like an Iron Man match, were left off of the list because that is something that I genuinely want to see happen in the WWE. These are more of the off the wall things that while silly, are very likely to be at the very least, entertaining. So WWE, maybe take a look at this list first the next time someone back there proposes another Kiss My Foot match.

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