The View From Down Here –Movie Mania!

 I sat down with a mate to watch a couple of movies recently. After he inflicted an Adam Sandler film on me (and I’ll get him back for that, mark my words), I decided to show him a film featuring a wrestler. Now, he was already wary of anything with the words ‘Hulk’ and ‘Hogan’ together under the list of actors, and he’s actually a fan of John Cena movies (but he likes Adam Sandler films as well, remember) and doesn’t mind the Rock. So I chose The Man With The Iron Fists, featuring Batista. He loved it (mind you, so did I). That didn’t go according to plan, so I tried The Marine 2. However I got this from him: “He’s [Ted DiBiase Jr] better than John Cena. I think he could be a good actor.”


Well, that got me thinking, and hence this week’s column. What current crop of wrestlers could actually make it, in my own damn opinion, in the movies? And I mean real movies, not WWE films crap, with real scripts written by real people and with real directors (or even Michael Bay, who I am sure is some sort of beta version directing computer programme).


But first, let’s look at wrestlers who have appeared in films. Now, I haven’t seen all of the films out there (not even close; I may be a writer and house-dad, but that doesn’t mean all I do is watch TV), but I think this is a reasonable list.


HHH – The Chaperone was not a good film. But we’ll talk about HHH later.


Big Show – Knucklehead was also not a good film. But I think with the right (read: funny) script, he could be a good comedic actor.


Kane – See No Evil was a standard modern day horror film, and Kane, I think, has potential to play a nasty evil guy really well. He has the look, the size and some great facials.


John Cena – many. The Hulk Hogan for the post-MTV generation. His acting is, shall we say, limited.


Hulk Hogan – many. Quite simply the worst actor ever. Ever. No, don’t say anything. I won’t heard a word for his acting. Never has one man over the course of so many films shown himself to be so unable to deliver anything other than so much crap.


Ted DiBiase Jr, Batista – mentioned above. Not too shabby at all, really.


The Rock – many (yes we will still call him a current wrestler). The finest wrestling actor ever. Simple. (Okay, maybe not ever, but he’s gotta be up there.)


So, who else do I think could actually make it as an actor out of current wrestlers? (So Steve Austin doesn’t count, Shawn Michaels doesn’t count… current wrestlers.)


Daniel Bryan, easy. And don’t let the lack of size fool you – he’s the same height as Sylvester Stallone. I think he could do comedy or action, sort of a Jackie Chan style of actor.


Dolph Ziggler could have a go. He’s not too bad as a talker, and his willingness to do whatever it takes to get something over makes me think of him as a sort of Biao Yuen to Bryan’s Chan.


HHH needs to be one of two things – the bad guy in action films (Richard Norton filled the role well in many martial arts movies), or a strong silent type of hero, preferably in a swords and sorcery epic. I think he would have made an awesome Conan.


James Storm could be a good second-string action guy – not the hero of the film, but the hero’s best buddy who gets him out of trouble, gets shot/dies at the end of the middle bit and whose memory serves as a source of revenge for the hero.


Eric Young could be a comedy actor – not the star of a film, but a definite character actor.


Sting could well play the old mentor role in films, but his age has got to be working against him at this point in time (of course, he’s younger than half of the cast of The Expendables [exaggeration, more like a third] and look at what they pulled out).


From what I’ve seen of the Wyatt Family (and, admittedly, that’s not much), they could well play the sort of villains who populate a Rob Zombie movie.


Joseph Park could have a go at being a sort of comedic character, and the fact this whole character is different from the Abyss character makes me think he’s actually a better actor than most people give him credit for.


And… that’s all I got.


I don’t think CM Punk could make it because I just don’t see where he fits, especially with his look (and let’s face it, acting nowadays is as much about look as it is ability); maybe in some sort of gritty urban drama. I see him more as a TV actor, populating things like CSI or NCIS or whatever legal shows are still out there. I’ve seen Kurt Angle in some brief roles and… no. Looks like a deer caught in the headlights. AJ Styles talks like he’s reading very carefully from a script a long way away. Randy Orton has two expressions – pissed off and mildly surprised. Sheamus has two expressions as well – angry and doofus – and his delivery is, shall we say, stilted. Bobby Roode would need to inject something called ‘charisma’ into his presentation and not just be angry all the time.


So, this is just a thought, anyway. What do you think? Do you think any current wrestlers could be successful actors? Sound off in the comments section.


And that’s this view.


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