Hello, twonks.
So, I quit watching wrestling… cold, for a couple months, and stuff starts to get interesting. You’d think the WrestleMania season would have been when things got interesting, but NOOOOOOOOO. Right in my balls with this, WWE. Right in my balls. I wrote a special piece last week detailing my thoughts on the current goings-on and this month’s PPV, which you can find here.
Speaking of the WrestleMania season, my last stint on Pulse involved writing a series of 10 recaps over the course of the Road To WrestleMania. Before that, I’d done other articles – specifically, one titled “Interinactivity” in which people ask questions, or I take comments from around Pulse Wrestling, and respond to them. They can be silly questions, stuff I agree with, disagree with, or just have random thoughts on.
Like this!
From Interinactivity – July 28, 2011
James Alsop: Comrade, what are your opinions on Matt and Jeff Hardy? Specifically, do you think that those likely lads are worth anything to anyone now?
BD: I would say that presently, their value is approximately negative twenty billion dollars. If Jeff Hardy gets clean, he has some value still, because he appeals to a segment of the audience that likes to be all different and goth and emo and Twilight or whatever the fuck it’s called these days. I’m not a Hardy fan, and I think they could easily have gotten someone who is less of a waste to appeal to that crowd, but just ask Vince McMahon – Jeff Hardy made Vince a LOT of money over his second run, especially during his year with and chasing the title. Could you re-create that after his legal troubles and diminished value? Maybe. Do a comeback story about it.
But not in TNA.
Matt Hardy? Fuck that dude. He’s been riding his brother for years, in a metaphorical (although I wouldn’t be surprised if also literal) sense. When he was trying to get fired by WWE, he went on YouTube talking about how he was rich, and about how he was trying to lose weight while he was eating grapes. So he was talking about losing weight while eating food. Then he went to TNA to INVIGORATE HIS PASSION FOR PRO WRESTLING! Translation: his brother got him a job, he went there, slogged ass, garnered TNA absolutely nothing in the process, took credit for stuff that had nothing to do with him whatsoever, then stopped showing up on time and got suspended 3 months later. Jeff Hardy basically did the exact same thing over a longer period of time, but replace “showing up late” with “showing up drunk and stoned off his fucking gourd”, although at least Jeff coming to TNA was actually news – he had actually been a main-event success at WWE.
But Jeff got thrown off the air as well, before yet another comeback and redemption story that’s done nothing for anyone, and he’s still sitting atop the main-event scene in TNA. Matt is no longer there, and he was talking about the MATT HARDY MOVEMENT for a while there, and no one had any idea what that meant. I think it was just him taking video of tazing Jeff and jumping into flaming piles of garbage, but I don’t know. The fat girls on his message board don’t even knew. I don’t even think HE knew.
The biggest problem with the Hardy’s is that they’re not aging well. When they first showed up, I think they were kind of viewed as alt-cool or whatever. Now, as they age, people are finding out that they’re basically trailer trash – GOTHIC trailer trash. Which is really the worst kind of trailer trash. On one of their WWE DVD’s, Matt talked about “THE BURNING”. This is a yearly event where Matt, Jeff and their friends go down to a river and burn a bunch of shit to “cleanse themselves from the old year and bring in the new year.” Seriously, how old are you two hicks? How many times has Jeff been found with drugs or busted on some kind of wellness violation now? I can’t even count.
And remember when Jeff Hardy’s house burned down? (And I use the term “house” loosely, because his “house” was basically a trailer parked behind Matt Hardy’s house.) His dog was inside at the time. Do you know how that fire started? No? Neither does anyone else. Do you know why nobody knows? Because there was no investigation. Do you know why there was no investigation? Because Jeff didn’t have any insurance. I bet the dog knows how the fire started, but he can’t help now. Jeff wasn’t home at the time.
Was it arsen? Unlikely. Did Jeff leave the stove on? Also unlikely.
Did he leave some lame nu-age eye-of-Thor candle that he got at Hot Topic burning? Likely. Maybe he was just cooking up some meth? Likely. Did he have an acid-fuelled hallucination that his dog threatened to go to the police over his obvious drug problem and decided that this was the quickest way to avoid having to do time? Also likely.
Or maybe he was having his own personal THE BURNING, and the dog was just something from last year that needed to be “cleansed”.
That poor fucking dog.
Now they’re on YouTube tazing each other, showing up high as a jet at diners, taking videos about how Jeff hates CM Punk in real life while Matt scarfs down 3 plates of food, 2 days after that video about how he’s gonna lose weight, swearing with his mouth full of a Moons Over My Hammy Skillet that Lita still calls him.
Dudes are in their 30?s. Grow the fuck up.
Swayze: I saw an interview with Ken Anderson where Ken actually claimed that he brought fans from WWE to TNA. And he’s not even half as delusional as Matt or Jeff. And also, that poor fucking dog.
See? Interinactivity was fun. And I think that over the last 2 years (which is how long ago that question is from), my estimation of their value proved to be pretty accurate.
So, with that I present to you the INTERINACTIVITY SUMMER BASH SPECIAL 2013! I’m not making a regular return – this will be a single article where I will respond to anything that people post in the comments section below. Leave a comment below with a question, comment, or whatever you like, really. Try to make the contributions some interesting stuff – if there’s room, I’ll respond to all of them. Of course, it’s entirely possible that I get a very small amount of responses to this. In that case, I’ll not only respond to your query, but I will also offer a personal heartfelt thanks – and if it’s a REALLY small amount of responses, maybe even a gift!
The stuff you throw in the comments can be serious, silly, funny, random, obscure, or you can just tell me I’m awesome or that I suck. It can be regarding something current that’s going on or anything from the past. Any of that is fine, and I’ll try to have as much fun and offer as much up as I can for a response. All are welcome – people who’ve contributed over the years, or new-comers.
Tell anyone you like about this, the more the merrier. I expect my boys Swayze, KON, CB, Dave, Drip and Crystal to get over here and offer me something. My Classy Ring Attire boys? They better show up too, and a mention on their handy-dandy little podcast wouldn’t hurt either. My Pulse brothers and sisters like Gojira, Gepp, Sawyer, Kue, Alsop, Fitta, Czerwonka, Davis, and Hardin I would definitely appreciate some stuff from. Regular Pulse commenters like Zork, Cynical Bastard, Incognito I would love to hear from, and I would also really like some contributions from guys that I quite often differ on stuff with, like Matt Harrak or Flaming Wombat! Don’t see their comments on here? Get on their ass!
Anyway, we’ll see what kind of a response this gets. Here’s hoping I get enough to bring Interinactivity back for a special edition for you guys. It’s been a LONG time since I’ve done one of these, so I’m looking forward to it if we can make it happen. I’m thinking I’ll put it up in one week, but depending how things go it might take two.
Post your stuff below and we’re off to the races! Hope your summers are all going well.
I’ll be in my trailer.
Fist. Pump.
Yours,
BD
