Ah, two months of heaven begins at the time this is posted. Why, you ask? It’s the time of year where the educators of America quit babysitting the mewling masses of children and get to live it up for the Summer.
I’m free, bitches!
Thank Cthulhu that the WWE is making a turn-around of sorts, giving me something to look forward to on Monday nights. This past week, it was announced that the participants for the WWE Championship Money in the Bank match are all faces and the participants in the World Heavyweight Championship MitB match are (SPOILER ALERT) all heels. Since I’m pressed for time as of this writing, let’s run down the participants of both matches and their chances of winning their respective title opportunities.
WWE Championship Money in the Bank Ladder Match
1. CM Punk: Most people would immediately assume that Punk will not three-peat winning MitB on the basis of his upcoming feud with Brock Lesnar. Despite that, there is always a chance that Punk will win and hold onto the briefcase throughout his dealings with Lesnar. Hey, what if Lesnar decides to challenge Punk with the stipulation that the winner gets the briefcase? That would be intriguing. Unfortunately, there’s a more obvious choice for winner of this match.
2. Daniel Bryan: Yeah, so I think this is a no-brainer. Bryan has been on a roll as of late and all signs point to a victory here for the American Dragon. Since this match is full of faces and Bryan has been on an honorable kick for the past few weeks, I suspect he’ll announce his cash-in much like RVD did years ago.
3. Kane: Not happening. Kane won MitB and had his “thanks for sticking with us” title run already. He’s here for the big man spots.
4. Christian: Captain Charisma looks to be set in a permanent midcard enhancement mode and I think he’ll just be here to pop the crowd and hit some crazy ladder spots. Remember, this guy was one of the kings of the TLC match over a decade ago.
5. Sheamus: The Celtic Warrior’s stock has fallen significantly in the past year and this is just another way to keep him on the card without making him the centerpiece.
6. Randy Orton: The Viper has a good chance to win MitB, being one of the few legit main eventers to have not previously done so. If Bryan doesn’t win, Orton would be my second pick.
7. Rob Van Dam: With a limited run akin to Lesnar, RVD is just not a viable option. Expect some great spots involving the Whole F’n Show.
World Heavyweight Championship Money in the Bank Ladder Match
1. Antonio Cesaro: Based on how this is a heel-heavy match, Cesaro is the only guy I feel the crowd will get behind to win it. Hell, he’s the only guy I think deserves to win it.
2. Fandango: Apparently Johnny Curtis has a history of concussions, and general interest in his gimmick has waned. He’s not winning this match, but I think we will get a cheap crowd pop when he inevitably climbs up the ladder to retrieve the briefcase.
3. Dean Ambrose: The United States Champion has enough going for him and his team that I don’t think he needs the addition of the briefcase. Besides, it looks as though Ambrose has a feud with Christian over the horizon.
4. Damien Sandow: I get a kick out of his gimmick, but he hasn’t exactly been treated like a guy the company has put their utmost faith in. I don’t think a win is in the cards for the “Intellectual Savior of the Unwashed Masses”.
5. Cody Rhodes: Another guy with no chance of victory. I predict he’ll be the one who hits the big spots a la Christian in the other ladder match.
6. Wade Barrett: Wade suffered from more than a simple injury last year; he was poised to win Money in the Bank, was sidelined with a busted shoulder, and came back as some lame nondescript brawler. He COULD theoretically win this time but unless his character and move-set change, I fear we’ll be looking at a bust of a World Heavyweight Champion.
7. Jack Swagger: Speaking of busts, that term could be used to describe Swagger twofold: one for his recent run-in with the law, and the other for his run as WHC when he won MitB a few years ago. He’s not winning this time.
That’ll do for this week’s Stomping Ground. I won’t be posting a Smackdown Report this weekend as I’ll be in Florida. Let me know what you think of the chances for each participant in the comments section below.
So long, and thanks for all the fish.
