BD’s Fake WWE Monday Night RAW preview for 7/29/13

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BD’s Fake WWE Monday Night Raw Preview for 7/29/13:

While writing his grocery list, Daniel Bryan gets his prized beard caught in the pencil sharpener. John Cena comes to his rescue, but when the leader of the Cenation notices the various items on his SummerSlam opponent’s list, the situation escalates into a heated debate about whether eating animals is ethical.

Shaemus’ pre-match promo against Bray Wyatt segues into a meandering rant on backstage catering etiquette.

The relationship between Natalya and The Great Khali becomes strained after they experiment with anal, which puts Natalya on the injured list and her in-ring career in question. Khali’s roughly translated defence, “jamming a flower pot up there is tough” doesn’t help the situation. Hornswaggle adds “Fun night, though.”

Yoshi Tatsu goes to management, claiming his character is “too stereotypical”. As a result, “Sushi Nagasaki” makes his in-ring debut.

There are more stairs leading up to the arena than anyone expected. How many months of action will Mark Henry miss?

All this and more will not be on Raw… tonight!

BD writes about professional wrestling on Inside Pulse until he has to stop because he's about to have a stroke. Any “errors” that are made on his part are, of course, intentional and represent an artistic choice. He acts as a kind of fly paper for the emotionally disturbed.