THE RAGER! Happier than Cole at a Mizfest (Summerslam, CM Punk, Brock Lesnar)

Turns out cautious optimism finally paid off for once in my life. I know this means that I have even less things to complain about which means great things for my mental health but bad things for my column. But I could care less, I would rather have good wrestling on my tv than have a popular snarky wrestling column (not that I’ve really been all that snarky, especially on the good run WWE seems to be on these days). So with that, why don’t you join me by the campfire and sing songs together…I do a wicked Scott Stapp impersonation while singing Celine Dion’s “best” hits (still considering doing an album if I only knew more than just the Titanic song).

Kick-off US Championship Match
Dean Ambrose(c) vs Rob Van Dam
The match was fine enough and surprisingly long for a kick-off match. We knew Shield would interfere but having them do so with Big Show and Mark Henry also there seems odd. Other than how it felt out of place to have them there to begin with, their only job was to stop Rollins and Reigns from interfering and yet it still happened. Mark Henry is going back into boring-in-all-facets territory the longer he stays a face that’s willing to be in the background. He was much more effective (and entertaining) when his character forced himself onto the forefront. Again, the match was fine and now that I’ve seen this week’s Raw, I’m glad Shield seems to have a purpose even if it is to do the dirty work for the people they were probably aiming at during their beginnings.

Ring of Fire Match
Kane vs Bray Wyatt
It may not have been what we were wanting and it felt like it fell a bit short but I’m glad it was at least tried. I admittedly got exciting at the idea of an inferno match but, as Michael Cole explained many times, this was no inferno match. Essentially, this was a cage match but with fire instead which caused a very limited use of the ropes which isn’t necessarily the best situation to show-off a new toy like Bray Wyatt. All-in-all, I’m glad they gave it a try but we don’t necessarily need to see it again.

Cody Rhodes vs Damien Sandow
Talk about short matches but kinda fitting considering the build it’s gotten because Damien’s character really hasn’t shown that he can best Cody one-on-one. I would’ve liked to see the match go a little longer, especially seeing as how both men seemed to finally wrestle like they gave a crap. Still not thrilled with Cody’s face persona but we’re start to see some glimpses of why I was so pro-Cody 2 years ago.

World Heavyweight Championship Match
Alberto Del Rio(c) vs Christian
This match was a lot of “meh” for me while I looked at the clock in anticipation for the bigger matches on the card to happen. Del Rio was fine and same for Christian but they didn’t necessarily do anything that kept me from not looking at other things. To be fair, part of that was me trying to look away so I wouldn’t have to look at Del Rio’s messed up looking eyes. I don’t drink but I’m still making a point to remember to never go to a bar with Del Rio and McIntyre.

Natalya vs Brie Bella
Again, the silver lining in all of this is that they could’ve picked much worse women from Total Divas for this match. Other than that, no comment.

Brock Lesnar vs CM Punk
What a damn match and shame on me for underselling this match in my own mind because of the DB championship match. This was one of those matches where it truly didn’t matter who won or lost for me because it was just a treat to watch. Everybody involved looked amazing which is a shocking statement considering how hard I’ve been on Brock. Punk really is great against bigger opponents both as a competitor but also as an enhancement to the other wrestler. The construction of the match was brilliant because it made Brock look like even more of a dominant machine whereas Punk was made to look like someone that could convincingly take Brock down. Paul playing a factor in Punk’s mind made complete sense considering that the true feud lay between Punk and Paul with Lesnar serving as Paul’s overgrown Avatar. I never thought I would be okay with a Punk/Lesnar rematch at Survivor Series or Wrestlemania but after seeing the first match, consider me game. In the meantime, I actually would be alright with seeing Punk taking the IC belt from Axel. It’s not like Curtis is doing anything with it and it’s been such a long time since that belt has been on a high-profile name.

Dolph Ziggler & Kaitlyn vs Big E Langston & AJ
Decent enough match as far as mixed tags go. I was glad to see that it went quickly which seems to be what’s best for everyone in these types of situation. Let this be the end of Dolph and AJ and let all parties go their separate ways, hopefully with Dolph in some sort of championship hunt (as unlikely as that is with the current WWE title situation and Del Rio seemingly going against RVD).

WWE Championship Match
John Cena(c) vs Daniel Bryan
Yes, what we all thought would happen went down but let’s just focus what happened before all that. Daniel Bryan cleanly beat Cena without no interference and a guest referee that didn’t inject himself in the match. There were so many chances that WWE would’ve normally taken to throw in other shenanigans that would’ve led to a dirty win for Daniel Bryan or Super Cena. Bryan winning was such a great moment even if it was short-lived and will forever go on the list of things I thought I would never see.
As for after the match, once I saw how long the celebration was going and how HHH was lingering, I had that feeling how Trips would play a role into what was about to go down. My immediate thought was a new Evolution and completely glazing over all the things Orton has done to HHH’s family (something WWE came very close to doing themselves). After watching Raw, it’s much more obvious that this will resemble more of the corporation angle which was huge for Austin and might be just as huge for Bryan. Of course, Daniel Bryan isn’t Stone Cold and making constant observations about that really isn’t fair to DB because nobody could live up to that. I will say this, it’s heart-warming to see WWE so invested in doing big business with DB knowing they’ve lost 2 of their most profitable faces for the next 6 months. That shows how behind Bryan they really are now instead of dumping him for a different face, keeping Orton face or turning Ryback again. The good guy always overcomes eventually in the WWE and right now, they’ve stacked quite a bit against Bryan to overcome in the near future and could be the biggest build for a single face that we’ve seen in a long time. It’s all so exciting and I’m actually anticipating Raw every week and not just because it’s fun to make fun of it.

Other thoughts:
Disappointed Ricardo is now associated with RVD, I’m so ready for him to start his in-ring career that it’s probably unhealthy for me.
Cena and Sheamus are gone for 6 months max? What did I do to deserve this wonderful time of peace?
Los Matadores? What did Primo and Epico do to deserve this? Is the company that heated at Carlito?
Sin Cara stopped the match because of a dislocated finger? A dislocated finger? Austin wrestling with a broken neck. Shawn Michaels went months with a back injury. Edge spent almost his entire career with some sort of nagging injury. This Sin Cara experiment already was at a rock bottom but apparently there’s a level below that. We shall forever know the sub-rock bottom level as “Sin Cara’s finger.”

As always, be on the lookout for this week’s Classy Ring Attire Podcast in a few days. It’s Joel’s birthday this week and he REALLY wants a full Mail Sack to celebrate so be sure to send your Summerslam thoughts/questions to
Of course, you really should follow us on twitter @CRAttire and catch up by listening to last week’s podcast.

Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do twice,

The Answer: “But unto Tosche Station would I go,
And there obtain some pow’r converters. Fie!”

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