The SmarK RAW Rant – 08.19.13
So the experiment begins, as I’ll start doing the Hulu 90 minute version of the show and see if that makes it easier to watch, plus NXT and Main Event instead of Impact.
Live from Anaheim, CA
Your hosts are Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler & JBL
The highlight package from Summerslam reveals that the sound guys are fond of using Christopher Nolan’s BWOMMMP sound effect from his trailers for extra dramatic effect. Guess it works for him.
John Cena joins us to start, and he too is disgusted at what happened to Daniel Bryan. He shows off the disgusting mass on his elbow and notes that he’s taking 4-6 months off to heal it, but first here’s Daniel Bryan. Stephanie interrupts him and points out that HHH did what was “right for business”, so Daniel basically tells her to get bent and dares her to fire him. She notes that not everyone can be WWE champion, but Bryan is at least a solid B+. Her delivery is just terrible here. And I’m sure that “B+” comment must be a rib on someone. We get the old security escort gag as Stephanie kicks him out of the ring for getting too uppity. Been there, done that.
Paul Heyman is feeling forgiving, because he was more of a father figure than Punk’s own father, and he’s open to Punk’s apology after Brock beat sense into him.
Dolph Ziggler v. The Shield
This comes from Dolph apparently speaking out against the McMahon-Helmsley Facgime on Twitter or something. Of note: Ambrose is wrestling without the vest now. Ziggler holds his own for a bit, but gets caught with a cheapshot by Rollins and the Shield works him over until Ziggler gets a sleeper. Ambrose reverses and brings in Reigns, but Ziggler makes his own comeback. Fameasser for Reigns and a leaping DDT gets two. He suplexes Rollins onto the floor, but charges Reigns and gets speared in mid-air for the pin at 6:05. Hopefully this will build some sympathy for Dolph’s jerkass character.
Sin Cara v. Alberto Del Rio
ADR attacks, but gets put on the floor for a dive…and Sin Cara is hurt. Again. So the match is stopped and Del Rio seems pretty legitimately pissed. We might as well just wish Sin Cara the best in his future endeavours at this point. This brings out Ricardo Rodriguez, introducing his newest signing: Rob Van Dam.
Meanwhile, Big Show promises to go after the tag titles, but Brad Maddox books him in a handicap match against the Shield.
The Primetime Players v. The Real Americans
Cesaro goes after Young to start, but Titus tags himself in and the PTP work Swagger over. That ends quickly as Titus gets caught in the heel corner (wait, did I miss a babyface turn from the PTP? Did Young’s coming out count as one?) and Swagger works on a toehold. Swaggerbomb into the Cesaro double-stomp gets two. Hot tag to Young and he hits Cesaro with a northern lights suplex for two as it’s BONZO GONZO. The double knee drop finishes at 5:34. How about that. That might be the first time I’ve ever seen them win, actually. **
Los Matadores are coming. Because that worked out so well for Tito Santana.
The Shield v. Big Show
Show tosses Ambrose and Reigns and spears Reigns for good measure, and the Shield all backs off to regroup. Show continues dominating all three, but Rollins clips the knee and follows with the flying knee for two. Show suplexes both Rollins and Ambrose, but walks into a spear and the triple powerbomb finishes at 4:27.
CM Punk limps out to give his answer to Paul Heyman, but first he goes off on some guy in the crowd for booing him. OK then. Heyman and Curtis Axel come out, but Punk is ANGRY and he wants a fight, now. So Heyman sends Axel to tape up his fists, and sure enough after the break Punk is still there and the fight is on. This actually goes pretty well for Axel, as he takes advantage of Punk’s injured leg and goes after it with a chair, threatening to Pillmanize him, but Punk comes back and beats on him on the floor to “win” the brawl.
R-Truth v. Bray Wyatt
Truth fights off the Wyatts, but Bray puts him down with a bodyblock and finishes with the downward spiral at 1:40. It’s a great gimmick but Wyatt doesn’t seem to be very good in the ring. *
Main Event Interview: The McMahon Family joins us to coronate Randy Orton. Vince and Hunter are now friends again, and Hunter did it all for us. We deserve better than Daniel Bryan! Hunter spends about 10 minutes telling us this before finally bringing out Orton. He’s forgiven the whole “trying to kidnap and murder his family” thing because it’s right for THIS BUSINESS. I’m kind of curious what Orton’s personalized sideplates are. HHH entices Bryan to come to the ring, and the Shield of course attacks him, so he kicks their asses before walking into a spear from Reigns. Bryan fights through them and HHH again offers him a chance to get into the ring, so Bryan fights his way in…and walks into an RKO to end the show. So there’s your main event direction.
The Pulse
Pretty dull for a post-PPV show, actually, but I do like the 90 minute version! Pretty sure they didn’t cut out anything important, either.
