A visit to the doctor’s office always gets scary. You may feel extra healthy when making the appointment for a yearly physical. But sitting in the waiting room surrounded by sick people and Sports Illustrated magazines from 1986 makes the fear creep in that you’re not that well. Who knows what truly lurks inside your guts. A mild headache might be a tumor. Your worries cause your blood pressure to rise and then it’s all downhill. There’s almost a sense of relief when the doctor doesn’t ship you off to the hospice. Cannon Film Group understood that healthcare is a great place to scare movie audiences. Thus in their early years they produced two films that made people fear doctors and shrinks. Now they have been united in Double Feature: X-Ray & Schizoid. By the end of these films, you’ll rip up your insurance card.
X-Ray (1983 – 89 minutes) starts innocent enough with a little boy leaving a Valentine’s Day card on a girl’s front door. She doesn’t appreciate the gesture so the young boy kills her brother. Flashforward 19 years to see that girl has grown up to be Barbi Benton (a frequent guest on The Love Boat and Fantasy Island). It’s once more Valentine’s Day except her love life isn’t going so well. She’s in the midst of a divorce. She arrives at the hospital to get the results of a routine physical. What she doesn’t know is that a psychopath is loose in the hospital and eager to make her life a living nightmare. No, this person doesn’t work for her insurance company or the hospital’s billing department. He just might be her old scorned lover out for even more revenge. The guy kills Barbi’s doctor and switches her results so she’s listed as a terminal case. But that’s not enough, he wants to play doctor and slice up Barbi. Can she survive her hospital stay or will the deductible be too much?
The tone of the film is very confusing since it seems bent on being more of a spoof of the slasher genre than playing it straight. Does X-Ray mean to lampoon Dario Argento? It’s hard not to laugh when the psycho inflates and deflates his surgical mask while stalking her. This is more like Young Doctors In Love than Halloween II. I enjoyed it, but more from a curiosity factor than a desire to be scared and shocked. Benton is rather fine as the victim of love. She’s got a good ’80s scream queen look as she dodges the scalpel. She’s best known for being Hugh Hefner’s girlfriend when he moved the Playboy empire to Los Angeles. She was often his date on the color version of Playboy After Dark. This film was also released as Hospital Massacre.
Schizoid (1980 – 89 minutes) scares us with a worst case scenario of mental healthcare. Women are being stalked down and killed by a scissor wielding psychopath. Their only connection is they take part in group therapy led by Klaus Kinski (For A Few Dollars More). What does it say about these women that they are seeking mental health help from Klaus Kinski? While the guy has a German accent, he doesn’t exude a helpful attitude. He’s creepy to the extreme even when attempting to appear innocent. He eyeballs his daughter (Angel‘s Donna Wilkes) getting ready for a shower. He needs therapy. How can he not be killing his patients deemed lost causes? Luckily there’s a few other suspects lurking around the ladies including Christopher Lloyd (Taxi and Back the Future). No matter who is the real killer, Klaus Kinski is guilty.
Double Feature: X-Ray & Schizoid contains two strange entries into the slasher genre. X-Ray plays like an inadvertent spoof. Schizoid wants us to believe that Klaus Kinski isn’t insane. These are two severe examples of filmmakers craving a suspension of disbelief that might be impossible. Yet such a request makes them entertaining. They make for a fun twin bill to remind you why you should never visit a hospital or psychiatrist’s couch.
The video is 1.78:1 anamorphic. Both films look fine enough in their high definition transfer. X-Ray is a bit more darker and smokier thanks to the chase through deserted floors in the hospital. The audio is DTS-HD MA Stereo. There’s nothing too dynamic in these two films except when the score jerks to scare the viewers.
DVD contains everything on the Blu-ray.
Interview with Director Boaz Davidson (13:00) gives the details on making X-Ray. Turns out Davidson considers himself more of a comedy director which explains the tone of the film. He talks of Barbi Benton’s nude scene.
Interview with Actress Donna Wilkes (10:40) allows us to learn more about Schizoid. She played Klaus Kinski’s daughter. Kinski didn’t endear himself to the women on the set with his attitude. She was also in Jaws 2 and the star of Angel.
Original Trailer of Schizoid (1:39) is the red band version! There’s a bit of nudity.
Double Feature: X-Ray & Schizoid will scare you more about healthcare than any Super PAC ads.
Scream Factory presents Double Feature: X-Ray & Schizoid. Directed by Boaz Davidson & David Paulsen. Starring: Barbi Benton, Klaus Kinski, Donna Wilkes and Christopher Lloyd. Boxset Contents: 2 Films on 1 Blu-ray. Rated: R. Released: August 20, 2013.
Tags: angel, Back to the Future, Christopher Lloyd, Fantasy Island, klaus kinski, Love Boat, Playboy, Scream Factory, Taxi