The SmarK RAW Rant – 10.21.13
Live from Memphis, TN.
Your hosts are Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler & JBL
COOHHH and Steph join us to start, using their secret weapon of icky PDAs to get even more heel heat. HHH talks about respect, but Big Show interrupts complaining about how HHH treats him with DISDAIN. Steph tells him to shut up and kills his satellite feed. By the way, Big Show is now suing for unpaid money and slander, so apparently the ironclad contract that wasn’t so ironclad is once again ironclad. Or something.
Daniel Bryan v. Dean Ambrose
They trade wristlocks and Bryan throws chops and kicks in the corner, then takes him down with a hammerlock for two. Dropkick gets two. Bryan goes back to working the arm, but misses a dropkick and Dean takes over with an elbow for two. Snap suplex gets two. Bryan takes him down and goes up, but Ambrose rolls to the floor to escape and we take a break. Back with Bryan hooking Ambrose in the surfboard, but Ambrose goes to the eyes to break. Bryan goes up again and this time Ambrose brings him down with a butterfly suplex that gets two. Bryan with a backslide for two and they collide for a double KO. Bryan comes back with the corner dropkick and a top rope rana for two. Ambrose counters a DDT with a spinebuster and gets two. Bryan dumps him and follows with the suicide dive, and back in for a missile dropkick. Kicks set up the Yes Lock to finish at 17:45. Good basic back and forth match. ***1/2
CM Punk joins us to recap all the horrible things he’s going to do to Paul Heyman at the PPV.
Meanwhile, Shawn Michaels shows up in HHH’s office, pointing out that HHH and Steph have CHANGED, MAN.
Randy Orton v. Dolph Ziggler
They fight for a lockup while the fans start a surprisingly impassioned “Let’s Go Ziggler/Let’s Go Orton” chant. To the floor and Orton sends him into the railing and beats on him, which gets two. Dolph fights back on the floor, but gets sent into the post and Orton takes over again. Ziggler fights back again and gets a clothesline for two, but Orton hits the backbreaker for two. Chinlock follows, but Ziggler fights ou again and drops the elbow for two. He counters the draping DDT and hits the fameasser for two. Orton throws him with a suplex to set up the draping DDT, but Ziggler counters the RKO with a dropkick for two. Another try finishes at 7:45, however. These two always have good chemistry. ***1/4
Meanwhile, Paul Heyman doesn’t seem particularly worried about Punk, or maybe he’s REALLY coked up tonight. I feel like I can’t do this promo proper justice but it was tremendous and involved volcanoes exploding and villagers running in fear and stuff. Big E shows up off his babyface turn and wants a match with Axel.
Curtis Axel v. Big E Langston
The Heyman guys immediately jump E and the beatdown proceeds. Punk makes the save and it’s a tag match instead. They still have Teddy Long under contract and Vickie is the one making it a tag match? THAT’S HIS WHOLE JOB!
Curtis Axel & Ryback v. CM Punk & Big E Langston
Joined in progress with the faces double-teaming Axel, but Ryback takes over on Punk as JBL actually references Paul Heyman shaving Jerry Lawler’s head in 1987. Axel with the chinlock and Ryback splashes Punk for two. Punk with a small package for two, but Ryback boots him down for two. Punk comes back with a high kick and makes the hot tag to Big E. That’s a good role for him. They should team him up with R-Truth and they can be E.R. The Big Ending finishes Axel at 6:32. **
The Usos v. The Shield
So the winner here is YET ANOHER #1 contender to the tag titles. An Uso misses a charge and gets worked over by the Shield. He gets beat up for a while and we take a break. Back and Jimmy Uso is still getting beat up. Man this is thrilling. Finally it’s the hot tag off an enzuigiri, but Jimmy walks into a Reigns clothesline. Jimmy comes back with a samoan drop and superkick, but goes up and hits knee on a flying splash. Meanwhile Dean Ambrose brawls with the Rhodes at the announce table, and everyone is counted out at 15:00. And per WWE rules, since everyone is equally a loser, everyone gets a title shot. **
Main Event Contract Signing
Gosh, I love my verbal debates and contract signings. HHH continues to make friends by pointing out that if Jericho, Edge, or RVD had been the “face of the WWE” then everyone would be working for Ted Turner. Bryan challenges HHH to get in the ring to back it up, but HHH points out that Bryan isn’t a star like Undertaker or Brock Lesnar, so he wouldn’t waste his time fighting him. Shawn’s all “What happened to you, man?” HHH and Shawn have yet another confrontation while Orton and Bryan get to stand there like geeks, and then Big Show drives a semi-trailer into the arena for some reason and this apparently upsets HHH.
The Pulse
Good to see HHH branching out from merely burying the current talent, and getting into the much more lucrative field of burying anyone he ever had a petty gripe with as well. Really, nothing on this episode even needed to exist, but the Bryan-Ambrose match was good, so there’s that.
