THE RAGER! Staying Objective in a Cell (CM Punk, Daniel Bryan, John Cena)

Just wanted to start with a quick personal disclaimer just to basically give everyone a fair warning. I’m sitting down to write this just hours after being laid off from my week job so I’m not exactly in the greatest of moods. If there is any moments where I seem overly bitter, please chalk it up to that, although I will do myself to make this as close to “business as usual” as I can. I’m not here begging for pity but I have always been an open book with you all since the beginning and wanted to at least provide an explanation. I know I am not special and there are plenty of people around the world in similar or worse predicaments than I currently am in. Matter of fact, as I write this, I am reminded of the great family and friends I do have as well as a great group of readers that offer me this opportunity to get my dumb wrestling ideas off my chest and fire back with their own. So I would like to thank all of you for giving me this brief distraction before the full weight of this situation comes bearing down on me (probably in the morning). I do know this, I know have a lot of time to devote myself to my personal projects that I haven’t had time for, things that Joel and myself have had in mind for Classy Ring Attire, as well as this article. So who knows, maybe this’ll lead to a brief run of improved RAGERS. I wouldn’t count on it but isn’t it a lovely thought?
So finally, I will do my best to filter out any hurt or bitter feelings but if any manages to leak out and cause myself to hate everything, I deeply apologize.

Okay. With that out of the way, let’s dig into a pay per view card nobody gives a crap about.

Hell in a Cell
Let’s just put every match in the cell. Why not, right? It’s not like it could make this night any worse. Plus imagine all the time saved by not having to lower the cell and lift it back up. You’re welcome, WWE. And I will be expecting my check in the mail.

Kick-off Show
Intercontinental Championship Match
Curtis Axel(c) vs Big E Langston
I’m excited with Big E getting a face turn, especially when he wasn’t getting much exposure on his own as a heel. I like Big E quite a bit and I’m still partially mad that he wasn’t chosen to be the next Paul Heyman guy. But alas, Ryback was the one with more heat and so that made sense. Big E’s twitter account has made me a fan for life, almost regardless of what he ever accomplishes in-front of the camera. I’m just hoping that personality finds it’s way into the character now that he’s face. As for Axel, his personality is about as complex as the tire from Rubber (and even then the tire had more dramatic moments). I don’t really know what to expect with this match and I suppose it all depends on how much WWE wants to put into the Big E basket right off the bat. Granted, it is the IC belt and it doesn’t mean a whole lot these days but it’s not like Axel has done much with it.

Divas Championship Match
AJ(c) vs Brie Bella
Brie probably had the best match I’ve ever seen out of her last Monday and I’m crossing my fingers that we will get a repeat performance against AJ. I would like to see this be a straight up-and-down match, preferably with all outsiders be banned from ringside. However, I do know that they’re still trying to establish Tamina as AJ’s heavy so I know she’ll factor into this match one way or another. Either way, I’m actually anticipating a Divas match and I know that’ll make my boy Jeff a happy camper.

Triple Threat WWE Tag Team Championship Match
Goldy & Rody Chodes(c) vs Seth Rollins & Roman Reigns vs The Usos
I’m happy for this triple threat match, as it makes more logistical sense with Usos earning their contendership before the Rhodes got their title shot. Now that Codust are the champs, it wouldn’t make WWE-sense to have face tag teams face each other. Also, WWE doesn’t like Shield losing cleanly so this causes many different scenarios to play out to prevent that. As for the outcome, I’m not too concerned about that because I really like this matchup and I believe this could be super entertaining. Positive thinking!

World Heavyweight Championship Match
Alberto Del Rio(c) vs John Cena
WWE won’t see a huge increase in numbers with Cena return but it sure wouldn’t hurt seeing as how Cena had to left during the worst possible time with Monday Night Football into full swing. I do think it was a sign of good faith in him returning and not interfering into the WWE championship scene. Of course, I’m not as naive as to think Cena won’t be getting involved in “The Authority” story in some fashion at some point. The story has cast such a large net with so many moving pieces that Cena’s character would essentially have to be blind to not acknowledge it. However, I think it speaks to Cena being a team player and staying true to his passing of the mic. As for this match, expect Del Rio doing his usual attacking the “weak spot” type of wrestling which I’m not a big fan of (except for his match against Ziggler at Payback, that was poetic). Either Super Cena overcomes and wins the day or Del Rio destroys the arm and we get another Cena underdog story.

Handicapable Hell in a Cell Match
CM Punk vs Ryback & Paul Heyman
CM Punk is going to have to pull deep from his large bag of tricks to get me invested in this match. Sure, Ryback has replaced Axel but this doesn’t seem much different from Night of Champions and that wasn’t necessarily that big of a success. I’m ready for CM Punk to get his hands on Paul Heyman once and for all, not because I believe so firmly in his revenge but just because that’ll mean this will finally end or lead to another Brock match. If Brock doesn’t return for Survivor Series to face Punk, I will only accept a traditional SS match of CM Punk guys versus Paul Heyman guys because that’ll at least be different. I think we’re all just ready to see Punk wrestle other people, not even matches that mean anything. As for the quality of the match, in Punk we trust.

Hell in a Cell WWE Championship Match
Randy Orton(c) vs Daniel Bryan (w/Shawn Michaels as special referee)
Obviously the x-factor will be Shawn and to what effect he will have in the outcome. Joel and myself laid out a scenario on last week’s Classy Ring Attire podcast (follow us on Twitter @CRAttire) in which Daniel Bryan wins cleanly and Shawn thwarts any shenanigans that might hinder the win and causes a bigger rift between he and HHH. Does that lead to a Shawn Michaels brief return to the ring? Possibly but I’m not necessarily believing that’ll happen. Shawn could now serve as Bryan’s figure-head support just as HHH serves as Randy’s. Of course, there’s always Big Show and possibly Vince McMahon looming. We could find ourselves in a triple threat situation at Survivor Series with Vince rehiring Big Show using him as the face he wants for the company. Although that scenario would require for Vince to be a face and nobody likes that. However, Vince is probably the only authority figure that could go toe-to-toe with HHH and Stephanie right now.
Back to the match, I’m going back to the notion of just enjoying the match itself because it’s a Daniel Bryan championship match. What more could you ask for? I’m just hoping we’ll at least get a title holder, this vacant thing is really the only aspect wearing thin on me right now.

All in all, the card doesn’t exactly have a lot of meat on it’s bones but it already looks better than Battleground and Night of Champions. Just think, we’re almost out of the September-October cluster of suck and we’ve all got our fingers crossed for Survivor Series.

Thanks again for indulging me and I think I was able to stay somewhat objective and positive. You guys are awesome.

Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do twice,
Chris

The Answer: If you participated in the Protest the Hero indiegogo, then you already have their new album. But if not, go pick it up next week. It’s pretty fantastic. You’re welcome.

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