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WWE Hell in a Cell 2013
Ole or We The People?
Los Matadores vs. The Real Americans
Penny Sautereau: I honestly could not possibly care any less about this match than I do. This will likely be my piss break.
Winner: Can’t be assed to guess.
Steven Gepp: I like the Real Americans. Swagger is so much better in a tag team, and if it’s getting Cesaro some decent screen time, I’m all for it. Los Matadores… the gimmick sucks. The inclusion of a Midget Mantaur makes it suck even harder. Which is a shame because the actual wrestlers involved are not too bad. Oh well. Not sure what the point of it is apart from Racists v Immigrants, but I have a feeling the gimmicks will overwhelm the storyline and wrestling.
Winners: Los Matadores
Justin C: It’s the comedy tag team vs the team that I think has some potential if they decide to keep them together. I would love to see the Real Americans get pushed into the tag team title picture at some point. I think Swagger and Cesaro click very well. Los Matadores are nothing more than a comedy tag team to me. Unfortunately, they are the new act in the WWE and I don’t know if they are going to lose yet. But if the WWE is serious about pushing the right stars than the Real Americans should win here. I’m picking them and hope the WWE agrees.
Winners: The Real Americans
David Spain: I can actually see the Real Americans winning here. I guess I’m basing it on Cesaro’s growing popularity and the fact that I can see no long-term future for Los Matadores, but I think that with shenanigans Team USA could bring it home. And hopefully we’ll see El Torito take the Cesaro Swing, which would almost justify his existence.
Winner: The Real Americans
Rhett Davis: Well either team could win this because both of them seem on a roll. The Real Americans have proven that losses don’t really affect them so I wouldn’t be surprised to see them take another one here.
Winners: Los Matadores
Chris Sanders: Hate both gimmicks but in love with the ring skills with 3/4 of the people involved in the match (I’ll let you guess who is the odd man out). Cesaro is going to do the swing or something else completely ridiculous and Matadores will continue to be impressive. Of course there will be some sort of shenanigans going on between Zeb and El Torito but try to overlook that.
Winner: Los Matadores
People Power: With 64% of the vote, Los Matadores receive the pick.
The Tally: Los Matadores – 4
The Real Americans – 2
Can’t be assed to guess – 1
WWE Divas Championship
AJ (c) vs. Brie Bella
Penny Sautereau: I’m probably the only Pulse writer that actually cares about the womens’ division, (I harbour sad futile hopes it might someday not be completely abysmal and ascend to only just kinda sucking), but I honestly can’t call this one. It’s a inevitability that Brie WILL get the belt soon, to push the whole “Brie and Brian are the New Liz & Savage” meme they’re going for, I’m just not sure they’ll pull the trigger on it here or wait til Survivor Series. So I’m going to just guess the most likely outcome.
Winner: AJ via Tamina “Did youknow she’s Jimmy’s kid” Snuka interference.
Steven Gepp: Oh for f**k’s sake, just let them end this horrible, horrible experiment. Let TNA, Shimmer, Shine, the independents have the women where they know what to do with them and let them have good matches. WWE needs to cut its losses and get out now. Yes, they have some talented females, but they then push non-acting, non-skilled stick insects like the Bellas. (At least we don’t have the artificially inflated one out there, I guess.) Give me Cheerleader Melissa v Gail Kim, Garrett v Summers, ODB v Eagles over anything WWE is vomiting out at us.
Winner: Who cares? The Bella, just because when I think it can’t get worse, it invariably does.
Justin C: The fact that they are doing a rematch here scares me. I really don’t want to see Brie Bella as Divas Champion. But there is also really no one left for AJ to wrestle, but there isn’t anyone for Brie to feud with. I still think AJ holds on to the Title until maybe Paige or Emma are called up to challenge her for the Divas Title. I’m going with AJ to retain.
David Spain: I can’t see the point in giving Brie the title, but then she’s the one with the television show and the fiancé in the title hunt, whereas AJ is just very good at wrestling and better at Brie on the mic, so why the hell should she retain? I think the fact that we’re getting a rematch means that we’re probably in for a title change, so…yay for that.
Winner: Brie Bella
Rhett Davis: Uhm. Rematch. Can we just put this one in a Cell? It’d make it at least somewhat interesting then… AJ retains.
Winner: AJ Lee
Chris Sanders: Color me impressed after watching Brie last Monday night. If they can recreate something similar or better, I’ll be a true believer.
People Power: With 65% of the vote, AJ Lee wins the pick.
The Tally: AJ Lee – 4
Brie Bella – 3
WWE Intercontinental Championship
Curtis Axel (c) vs. Big E Langston
Penny Sautereau: Biggie’s finally getting his faceturn push, and Axel’s done sweet fuck all with his, and less with the arguably #2 belt in the ‘E. Time for fresh blood, and Future Imperfect just ain’t it. They tried, they failed, time for Joe to go back to NXT to be enhancement talent for the rest of his mediocre life.
Winner: Big E by pinfall.
Steven Gepp: I am a fan of Joe Hennig. I am a huge fan. His in-ring work is good, and he can play the pissed-off angry wrestler really well. But for some reason every time he appears on main WWE programming he undergoes a lobotomy of personality and it just doesn’t come across well. Which is a shame. So on WWE he needs some-one like Heyman to speak for him and help him get over. He has the ability, but not the other intangible “it” factors. On TV. Which is a shame. I will always like him as a wrestler, but I can understand if others are not as impressed by him. Big E, though, has impressed me, and I like that he is a babyface. If they are allowed to wrestle, this could be one hell of a match. But it won’t be. *Sigh!*
Winner: Big E
Justin C: I always said that Axel shouldn’t drop the IC Title to someone unless it was someone who needed it. And he has the opponent this Sunday that could probably use the Title. I like how Big E was booked this past week on RAW being associated with CM Punk then looking strong against Ryback and Axel. They may move Big E into a feud with Ryback after so he might not need the IC Title. But I think the IC Title could benefit Big E here more than a feud with Ryback. I’m picking Big E to win here and hopefully continue a strong face push. He was a solid face in NXT, and hopefully he can be the same in the WWE.
Winner: Big E
David Spain: Langston has certainly made some noise with his face turn: the question is whether he’ll be able to come this far this fast. Axel is doing not all that much with the belt, but would Langston do much more? I think they’re invested in this Langston push, though, so I wouldn’t be surprised if we saw a title change.
Winner: Big E Langston
Rhett Davis: After watching Big E in NXT, he’s a very impressive and intimidating face. It also would be interesting to see him bring back the 5 count like Bundy used to utilize. Hopefully he’ll win and we can move Ryback and Curtis Axel into a tag team or something. Something besides the extended Punk feud and the Curtis Axel Intercontinental ‘reign.’ Big E wins in quick fashion. Too quick for Paul Heyman to scheme anything anyways. Maybe a one hit KO type match? Similar to Sheamus/Bryan, but this time the audience will actually pop.
Winner: Big Eugene Langston
Chris Sanders: I’m excited about Big E’s recent face turn and I’m almost giddy over him possibly becoming besties with CM Punk. The time feels about right for Axel to lose the belt and it would benefit someone more right now anyway seeing as how Axel being champ seems like an afterthought these days.
Winner: Large Earnest Langston
People Power: With 74% of the vote, Big E Langston wins the pick.
The Tally: Big E Langston – 7
Curtis Axel – 0
WWE Tag Team Championship Three-Way-Tag Match
The Rhodes Brothers (c) vs. The Shield vs. The Usos
Penny Sautereau: I like the Usos, but given the current Rhodes Dynasty push, I’m going to say Cody and Goldie retain.
Winners: Rhodes Dynasty by pinfall
Steven Gepp: Okay, what alternate universe did I wake up in? When did WWE have a better tag team division and more entertaining champions than TNA? Well, it’s what we’ve got, and we have a 3-way match where any team could win, and could be said to deserve to win, plus a few other legitimate teams waiting in the sidelines. This is the match on the card I’m looking forward to the most. I hate picking a winner here, but I am going to let my heart rule my head in this case.
Winner: The Rhodesians
Justin C: This has the potential to be the match of the night. I’m not kidding. We know almost everyone has good chemistry with The Shield, and The Usos are more than capable of putting on a good match. Hopefully this match gets some time. The Rhodes Family just got the Titles, and I don’t think they get taken off from them anytime soon. The Shield will probably move on to more of a henchman like role for Triple H, and they wont’ need the Tag Titles for that. And The Usos probably aren’t destined for the gold any time soon. As long as The Rhodes Family gets tid of that terrible mash-up of their teams, I think they will do well as a team. The Rhodes Family retains here.
Winners: The Rhodes Family
David Spain: The Rhodes should keep the belts for a little longer, I think, and going on the work of both men there’s no reason that this shouldn’t happen. The Shield doesn’t need the belts right now and I’m not convinced that the Usos could do all that much with them. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it: bet on the Rhodes retaining and this being the match of the night.
Winner: The Rhodes Brothers
Rhett Davis: I’m glad they acknowledged The Usos as being the #1 Contenders rather than just sweeping them under the rug for a bigger story arch. Plus the possibilities for this match are endless! I say that the Usos should win that way they remain in the storyline and we can have some no DQ matches in the PPVs that follow. Imagine a four- way tag team elimination rules match between The Usos, The Rhodeys, The Shield, and The Real Americans? That would be fantastic and really fitting for Survivor Series.
Winners (and NEW WWE Tag team Champs): The Usos
Chris Sanders: I am in love with this matchup. I may run away with this matchup, maybe buy a remote beach-house with it and settle down. Maybe some might accuse me of putting this match on a pedestal but I don’t care, this match and myself were meant to be.
People Power: With 73% of the vote, The Rhodes Brothers win the pick.
The Tally: The Rhodes Brothers – 6
The Usos – 1
The Shield – 0
Handicap in a Cell Match
CM Punk vs. Ryback and Paul Heyman
Penny Sautereau: I’m sorry but the addition of Ryback to this feud has still done nothing for me. His involvement kinda lowered the volume on it. It just isn’t as edge of my seat as it was. That said, the most likely outcome is a Big E run-in that somehow gets Ryback out of the way long enough for Punk to get a few shots in on Heyman, then Future Imperfect distracts Biggie and Ryback steals a win somehow to continue the feud til a Survivor Series blow-off.
Winner: Ryback via clusterfuck.
Steven Gepp: Despite the best efforts of all involved, this has run out of steam completely. The introduction of Ryback is just a pathetic attempt to give him relevance, and the whole Punk getting his hands on Heyman thing should have been done so much better. What should have happened is Heyman should have thrown roadblock after roadblock at Punk. This had long-term booking written all over it. But instead it’s deteriorated into treading water. Please let this be the end.
Winner: Punk (please)
Justin C: This feud needs to end. There are no if, ands or buts about it. As much as I think Punk and Heyman are two of the best promos around today, they have been doing almost the same promo for the last two months. It is getting repetitive. Moving on is what is best for both of these guys. We could see CM Punk get some time off here to rest up his injuries, but I think he is too important of a part of their show to be off for any extended period of time. That is why I see CM Punk winning here. It’s pretty simple: CM Punk wins with the GTS to Paul Heyman. Punk finally gets to move on to someone else, and Paul Heyman is off TV until he comes back with Brock Lesnar.
Winner: CM Punk
David Spain: I have to believe that this will be as far as this whole thing goes, so that speaks of a Punk victory to me: he’s been chasing Heyman for long enough and there needs to be a pay-off for it all. Let Punk go to somewhere else that he’s needed and get a fresh feud following a win.
Winner: CM Punk
Rhett Davis: Well I don’t want to just reiterate what everyone else here has already stated, but this needs to end. Either bring someone into the fold who can talk for himself or end the Heyman/Punk feud. The only way this feud should continue is if we’re getting the rematch to Brock/Punk at Survivor Series. Either way, Punk needs the win.
Winner: Chicago’s Own
Chris Sanders: Punk doesn’t lose in October. Bring the Lesnar rematch, already.
Winner: Clyde Magnus Punkerton
People Power: With 90% of the vote, CM Punk wins the pick.
The Tally: CM Punk – 6
Ryback and Paul Heyman – 1
World Heavyweight Championship Match
Alberto del Rio (c) vs. John Cena
Penny Sautereau: Given the sudden apparent face turn of Sandow, and the fact that a world title run is, let’s be honest, beneath Cena at this point, I’m going to say Del Rio wins after punishing Cena’s weak arm in an “upset victory”, only for Sandow to cash in. Whether or not Sandow actually wins, I’m not as hopeful for.
Winner: Del Rio by submission followed by MITB Cash-In
Steven Gepp: I like Del Rio. He has some nice skills and he has a heel character that is well rounded. Unlike JBL, whose in-ring abilities were somewhat limited, Del Rio has the Million Dollar Man Ted DiBiase vibe about him. I think that is great. He is fighting Cena making a comeback. Cena comes back to win titles or Royal Rumbles. Look at it. Every time he’s come back, he’s won something special. Why change that now? Why not derail a good, skilled heel with a guy who has learnt that skill means nothing, it’s all appearance and smiling like a doofus? Cena actually has some skill; what a shame he chooses too often not to use it. I hope Del Rio can drag a good match out of him (though, to his credit, Cena does tend to bring the goods at PPVs more often than not) and we will be entertained on the way to the inevitable.
Winner: (Foregone Conclusion) John Cena
Justin C: I really don’t have a problem with John Cena being involved with the World Title coming back. He isn’t being forced down our throats in the WWE Title picture right away. Hopefully, they keep Daniel Bryan and John Cena as far apart as possible for as long as possible. Continue to establish Daniel Bryan as a main eventer and give Cena some time to help the credibilty of the World Title. This will also help Alberto del Rio gain some more credibiltiy in the long run. I still don’t know what Del Rio has left to offer, but feuding with Cena can do nothing but help him long term. I think if the WWE really wants to shake things up, they will do this: Del Rio works the arm the whole match, but Cena catches him with an AA and wins. After the match, Del Rio attacks Cena and applies the cross armbreaker. Out comes Damien Sandow. And despite the “never say die” efforts of John Cena, Sandow pins him to win the World Title. Sandow has barely been on TV recently. He’s just sitting quietly off to the side, and this is a way to make some noise.
Winner: John Cena
Leaves World Champ: Damien Sandow
David Spain: Well, after being so evenly displayed and touted over the last few weeks it really is hard to pick just who CENA.
Winner: Jesus H. Cena, followed by a Sandow cash-in. He’s been quiet recently. Too quiet.
Rhett Davis: This match feels weird to me. Why would Cena come back so soon and fight Alberto del Rio? For the WORLD Heavyweight Championship?! I’m not sure what’s going on with that. Anyways, I’m going to say that Alberto del Rio wins by ruthlessly attacking Cena’s arm. If this match even happens.
Winner (and STILL World Heavyweight Champion): Alberto del Rio
Chris Sanders: Be ready for a match were Del Rio works the surgically repaired arm of John Cena for a good 20-30 minutes and then Cena gets a miraculous burst of strength and gets the win. The kids cheer, the adults will moan slightly but remain encouraged that Cena hasn’t been injected into the WWE title scene…yet.
Winner: John Cena
People Power: With 82% of the vote, John Cena wins the pick.
The Tally: John Cena – 5
Alberto del Rio – 2
WWE Championship Match Special Referee: Shawn Michaels Hell in a Cell Match
Randy Orton vs. Daniel Bryan
Penny Sautereau: While I’ve had a few of my viewing group insist HBK will always side with his bestest buddy Triple H and thus will pull the heel move and screw Brian, I don’t think it’s likely. Shawn’s been content in retirement, and there’s no reason to pull a heel swerve with him that can’t lead to anything bankable. If Shawn was willing to un-retire briefly for a match with Danielson then sure, but I just don’t see it happening. So I’m calling Danielson winning after Two Strikes pisses Shawn off and gets superkicked. Which allows Trips & Steph to screw him one more time before he finally wins the belt at Survivor Series and actually gets to keep it.
Winner: Danielson by Shenanigans Pinfall
Steven Gepp: This started off as really intriguing, and it makes sense that it should build up to be in a Hell in a Cell match. But, man, has it felt like it has dragged out recently. There are two issues – one, Randy Orton is still as boring as all hell, and two it’s been more about HHH/Stephanie than the wrestlers too often. I hope Bryan can drag a good match out of Orton, I hope Michaels is only window-dressing, and I hope this gives the crowd what they seemingly want with no Dusty finishes or changes on Raw. BUT (big but) I think WWE don’t care. I really don’t. The whole ‘best for business’ thing had better be more than a Ken Anderson catchphrase. I am going to trust that what we are seeing on NXT is a sign of things to come. I am placing a lot of faith in a company that has let me down so often in the past. And after the ending of Smackdown… well, yeah, things don’t look good.
Winner: (and this is a hope beyond all reason) Daniel Bryan
Justin C: As much as the WWE needs to end this battle, there really isn’t too much left for these guys to do. I’m hoping for a traditional Survivor Series match at the next PPV, but we know the WWE doesn’t like those matches. Shawn Michaels adds an element of intrigue here, but I don’t know if he plays too big a part in the finish. I would have really liked to see Daniel Bryan win here, then see Brock Lesnar come back and fight Bryan at the Rumble. Then you have the natural transition to Lesnar/Punk for the WWE Title and HHH/Bryan. But if Lesnar is to wrestle Undertaker as rumored, that is out the window. Daniel Bryan needs his time at the top in order to have any shot left at being a top main eventer. I’m going with Bryan to win here. I don’t know what is next for him, but Bryan needs to win here more than Randy Orton does.
Winner: Daniel Bryan
David Spain: Bryan’s gotten to stand tall over Orton on RAW and SmackDown of this week, which doesn’t bode well for him, and Triple H seems a little too sure that Shawn is going to be a team player here. My guess is we’ll get an Orton victory thanks to either Shawn or our very own Bipolar Bear, Big Show.
Winner: Randy Orton
Rhett Davis: Expect Shield and Big Show to get involved with this. Who will win? Well it could go either way, but I’ll say Daniel Bryan will win since I see Alberto winning earlier. Bryan wins, but this turns into a three way match involving Big Show. As for Shawn Michaels… I’ll say that he ends up Superkicking Orton after Orton whines about a slow count or something.
Winner: My Boy D-Bry
Chris Sanders: As always, the outcome is all dependant on what role Shawn Michaels is going to play. He could be part of or against The Authority or he could just be there for hype. Personally, I think the latter is probably more true. Either way, I’m ready for somebody to hold the belt. Who exactly will do so is really a coin toss.
Winner: Daniel Bryan
People Power: With 63% of the vote, Daniel Bryan wins the pick.
The Tally: Daniel Bryan – 6
Randy Orton – 1
Thanks for reading and be sure to join us tomorrow for the live results for Hell in a Cell!
Tags: aj lee, alberto del rio, Antonio Cesaro, big e langston, Brie Bella, cm punk, Cody Rhodes, Curtis Axel, Daniel Bryan, goldust, jack swagger, john cena, Los Matadores, Paul Heyman, randy orton, rasslin roundtable, ryback, shawn michaels, The Real Americans, The Shield, the usos, triple h, WWE, WWE Hell in a Cell, Zeb Colter