Forever Heel: Survivor Selfish Heroes Series

I thought I would switch gears this weekend, because of Survivor Series. I will still be doing a new profile next week. I just wanted to talk about the rampant selfishness by the so-called WWE faces. I will point out the problems with jerks like Kofi Kingston, and who the hell is Jojo? It doesn’t matter, Tamina will knock the hot pants off of her. I don’t know about you guys, but I’m sick of cheering for CM Punk and Daniel Bryan. I want to cheer for superstars like Alberto Del Rio and Ryback, not just miniature indy guys. So let’s point out the wrongness of this PPV.

The Miz VS Kofi Kingston This is the kickoff match for Sunday’s event. It seems really unfair, Miz has to deal with Kofi’s nonsense. Miz is coming off a year of being a heroic baby face, and all Miz has to show for it is broken furniture, and the added headache of mentoring Ric Flair. He found out that Flair has been applying The Figure-Four all wrong for the last 40 years, and Miz went out of his way to show Ric how to properly apply the hold. Miz was given nothing for helping out the greatest wrestler to ever walk the aisle. Miz has a thankless job. He puts the WWE before titles, and Cheering fans. He does what he does so guys like CM Punk and John Cena can have a successful career. Miz, you deserve a standing ovation. Good luck Company Man. I pick: The Miz to win.

Total Divas (Bellas, The Funkadactyls, Jojo, Natalya, Eva Marie) VS The Real Divas (Aj Lee, Kaitlyn, Tamina, Alicia Fox, Summer RaeRosa Mendes, and Aksana) I’ve been really disappointed in The Bellas. They’re in relationships with two of the WWE’s biggest goofballs, and they killed “Twin Magic” by dressing differently. They’re idiots, because they are going to need every advantage to beat The Real Divas, unless Kaitlyn messes up. I’m throwing my support to The Real Divas, and hoping Kaitlyn doesn’t mess up. I would also accept Eva Marie as the sole survivor because she’s the only nice Total Diva.

Big E Longname VS Curtis Axel (for the IC Belt) Curtis has had a lot going on these past weeks and Big E took advantage of Axel’s sorrow, over having to ditch Paul Heyman. Hopefully Axel’s noble friend Ryback will make things right, and give the former IC Champ some help. Big E is typical of The WWE jockocracy, probably run by John Cena. I’m sure it’s like The Clique for muscle-bound morons. Good luck, Axel. Help him Ryback.

The Usos, Rhodes Brothers, and Rey Mytsterio VS The Shield and The Real Americans I wonder if Zeb checked Rey Mysterio’s birth certificate? Maybe we can trade him for Alberto Del Rio? Fingers crossed. The Rhodes wouldn’t even be here if it wasn’t for their overbearing father. Dusty Rhodes will twist any arm to push his kids. He manipulated poor Hunter, and Steph into getting those tag titles. I’m positive The Real Americans and The Shield will work like a well-oiled-machine. I’m hoping for Jack Swagger and Roman Reigns to be sole survivors. It’ll be like Kurt Angle and The Rock winning.

CM Punk & Daniel Bryan VS Eric Rowan & Luke Harper You guys may not know this, but CM Punk has been holding young talent back for years, and Daniel Bryan leaves vegan cookie wrappers all over the backstage area. The only way to cure a litterer is by sending two meth induced rednecks to kick his ass. Punk is just here for money. He bought a gold platted edition of “The Walking Dead” comic series, and might have to send it back if he loses on Sunday.The Wyatts need to consult with the Devil, to win here. Hopefully they can rely on Bray’s infinite positive energy.

 

John Cena (World Heavyweight Champion) VS Alberto Del Rio (For The WHC Title) Coming off the heels of royally screwing Damien Snadow out of the World Title, Cena looks to equally screw Alberto. Cena didn’t give Damien a chance to win. Sandow handed in his briefcase and Cena immediately Pearl Harbored him. Totally unfair. Alberto has done everything right and is not just a hero to young Latinos, but all young people. When that horrible Ricardo Rodriguez was caught cheating, Alberto fired him on the spot. Now he had to hit Ricardo with the bucket, because you have to show the help, you mean business. Don’t you guys have butlers or anything? God. I choose Alberto and hope he snaps Cena’s arm off.

 

Randy Orton (WWE Champion) VS Big Show (WWE Title) I hate questioning The Authority, because they’ve done so well, but I wonder how Orton will win this? The Big Show is at 100%, while Randy is at 12%. This is worse odds than the Shane Douglas/Al Snow match, from Wrestlepalooza ’98. Hopefully Orton will have the resilience of The Franchise, and knocks the head off Big Show. I also think Randy should talk to the merchandising department about his hoodies. They look like Punk ones. Randy will win by channeling Shane Douglas’s greatness.

I know a lot of you feel the same way I do. So feel free to describe how you felt, when you saw your favorite heel get screwed. I don’t really believe this. I mean I named myself after CM Punk.

This has been Forever Heel.

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