Skipped Friday because I chipped in on the Roundtable and had this planned. Watched SS with one of my beloved Internet galpals Paige. (Not the NXT Paige, though that IS my Paige’s favorite.) When we watch Raw/Smackdown/PPV’s together via Facebook, we MST3K the f*ck out of them. Thought this week I’d share.
We join Paige as the PPV itself is beginning, as she has watched the pre-show and I didn’t.
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Miz and Kofi shook hands at the beginning of the match
at the end after Miz got the pin, he went back to shake his hand again saying good match, and Kofi slapped the shit out of him
(PPV Proper begins with Trips and Steph coming out, and for some inexplicable reason acting like faces)
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Wheee! Another fucking PPV opened with a HHH promo!
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Gee they sure know their audience!
*gags*
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to be fair, it’ll get them heat lol
bad heat, but still heat
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This does not bode well for the remainder of the evening.
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so are they faces or heels?
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I mean that wasn’t a heel promo, last week they had the heel GMs against other heels
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You’re asking me to care enough about Steph and Trips to put actual thought into answering that.
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I’m just saying, that is why this show has been so bad
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But here goes; They’re idiots and they don’t understand “Consistency of character”.
Only at the opening fireworks and I’m already bored to death with this show.
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first match should be fun
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Rey’s team wins here. Foregone conclusion.
(In my defense, NONE of us on the Roundtable got it right, though given the recent “Damn he’s a monster badass” push they’re giving Reigns we probably all SHOULD have seen it)
CoDust and the Usos are all mid push, and Rey JUST came back
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I just really enjoy watching Dustin wrestle
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Everyone should because he is GAWD.
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When I Loose, y’all say HO!
LOOSE!
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even JBL isn’t freaking consistent
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well, he was when he wrestled, he was consistently a heel or face, and what the fuck is ricardo doing out there?
WE THE PEOPLE!
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(Zeb mocks twerking and gets a face pop)
Oh gawd, Zeb had a GOOD point.
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They’re going to turn him face if they keep giving him lines like THAT.
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last one to survive on each team?
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Reigns for Shield, Cody for CoDust
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Well Reigns is getting a “Big honking badass” push out of nowhere so
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he’s going to be the “face” of the shield when they break apart
gold dust doesn’t have a future with the company, only a present, the Usos are just there
Cody has a chance to go somewhere in the future, although he looks like someone from a gay porn
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it was jerking so I tried to goto the other one
its up again, what’d I miss?
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take it ceasaro got pinned?
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Oh was I supposed to pay attention?
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ok, Rey will be the last lol
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(Rollins takes out an Uso with that sick-looking kick the head down and stomp on it jumpy thing)
curb stomp lol
Rollins has the facial hair advantage
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Did he just say what I think he said?
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you came back for this just to get dogged out lol
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He broke Kayfabe IN RING on LIVE TV
No he clearly said “Jobbed out”.
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its close enough that it could have been either, and dogged makes more sense, but the two oldest people are the last people standing
(Reigns busts out a brutal spear)
god that spear looks good
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that’s what I mean, the last spear I saw like that was Edge
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(Reigns wins the match pinning ReyRey in brutal fashion, thus cementing his “Unstoppable Badass Monster” push.)
Well, EVERYONE on the Pulse guessed this one wrong.
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he looks too much like his cousins
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He has his dad’s face. Thankfully not his body.
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no, he has a good body, but he has a face that looks like Jimmy and Jay too, man that spear looks awesome
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Shoulda seen this coming.
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it will fuel the shield breakup, Ambrose will say he’s the champion, Reigns will say he’s the sole survivor
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And yep, that’ll definitely add to it.
Biggie and IMPerfect come out for their “Just get it over with already so Joe can go back to NXT” match)
New theme for Biggie?
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Must’ve been distorted by crowd noise
It sounds different.
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its got a bit of echo in that arena
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(Cole momentarily changes the subject before the bell rings to inform us that the WWE sends it
Oh dear, Dynamite’s gonna die.
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they keep saying the intercontinental championship is so important, but the history is bullshit, the big gold belt is the intercontinental title now
“god given ability that someone gave to big E”
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you know they are trying to release a WWE network right?
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imagine a night time talkshow with 2 hosts…
Zeus and Rybak
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NEVER TYPE THAT SHIT OUT LOUD!
WWE might see it and actually DO it!
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Awesome in a “so horrible it’s unintentionally funny” way.
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(Biggie wins after a boring match that just couldn’t keep our attention, and immediately gives a lesson in Cheap Pops 101)
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lol, even the announcers mentioned it
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(AJ’s Diva team is in the back arguing whilst AJ acts like a smug condescending bitch, ironically acting like a bigger diva than the actual Total Divas Divas. At least they addressed why Kaitlyn is on AJ’s team.)
chirp
Summer is tall
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Everyone’s going to turn on AJ.
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lol.. ooo Katie.. I don’t like YOU
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At least they addressed it
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(AJ leads her team to the ring looking so very tiny)
where is security?!? a kid found her way to the ring wearing booty shorts
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(JoJo also looks so very very tiny)
two of them! god security sucks at that place
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and one of the little girls has a replica belt
my eyes can’t roll back far enough
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(Naomi pulls off a frankly awesome split-legged moonsault and frankly this match is about 500% better than ANYONE expected it to be)
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so we know the other team is bad because they are wearing clothes right?
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these girls realize they can tag right?
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(Eva Marie is tagged in to one of the biggest heel pops of the night. Apparently she slapped King on yesterday’s Total Divas which I’ve yet to watch. The heel pop tells me most of these fans ARE in fact watching TD)
Massive heel heat for Eva
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but she was nearly naked, don’t they know they are supposed to cheer for naked girls?
Brie will be the last one standing and AJ
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(Of all people, NIKKI Bella delivers a BRUTAL power move, properly, no botches, that looked brutal)
*WINCES*
That Torture Rack Backdrop was EVIL
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(Paige notices every Diva is being pinned after only one good bump, most likely to get the match over as fast as possible. Because they needed time for an unannounced surprise match between Bullyberg and Bald Mountain)
but it seems you only have to take 1 bump
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But this is the piss break match
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and to be fair, I think Tamina looks like her dad a lot.
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she’s a face of course she does
it’d be a hell of a push if JoJo got the pin against Tamena
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(Natalya wins by making AJ tap to the sharpshooter after reversing AJ’s Black Widow attempt, leaving her and Nikki Bella the sole survivors)
whaaaa? Nattie got a win at a PPV?
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They must have forgotten she’s a Hart.
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(They start the now regular “Middle of PPV check-in with the Preshow Panel” bit, only for Bullyberg to interrupt, issue an open challenge, and get his ass handed to him by a returning and very bald Mark Henry)
Hart must hate that Booker T has more titles lol
GOLDBERG! lol
Somebody’s going to get their ass kicked
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Somebody gon get dey wig split
(The match ends after Bald Mountain Mark attempts (and quite honestly fails miserably at) a high cross Body, but the announcers sell it like he was the Undertaker doing a Tope`, most likely out of a combination of pity that he failed but respect that he tried)
0.o
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world’s largest cross body!
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(Cole gets “Verbal Flub of the NIght” for screwing up the word “panel”.)
Fucking hell Cole, you have ONE job…
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(They begin showing the “The Story So Far” build-up video package for Cena/Del Rio)
Okay, time to nap for about… *checks watch* 23 minutes.
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but if you take a nap, you can’t see the match
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*waves hand in front of face*
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Seriously though, I’m legit worried about Cena.
I don’t care HOW good a condition he’s in, one wrong move buggars his arm.
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the seriousness of the injury was a work I think, it was probably bursitus, which does hurt and does swell like that, but isn’t as bad
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He has simply NOT had enough time for a full proper heal.
Did you not watch Total Divas?
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I did, but it does require an operation, but like I said, it isn’t as bad as a torn tricept
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They showed the x-rays and part of the surgery
The X-rays passed the skeptic test.
And bursitis doesn’t squirt like that does it?
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not mine, the show is a work as much as anything in the WWE
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That blood squirt was definite fluid build-up from a tear.
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its a pocket of fluid, you poke a hole in it, its going to squirt. It makes more sense that its a work then someone coming back in 3 months from a 6 month injury
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He came back after 3 months from neck surgery
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this match killed the crowd
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Not completely, they’re still noisy
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nice neck breaker
(To no one’s surprise Cena wins. Also cats meow.)
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There was ZERO chance Cena would lose here.
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would have been nice if they did Cena in his home time like they do everyone else
(The obligatory “Backstage Comedy Bit So Everyone Gets a PPV Cheque” skit begins with R-Truth and Santino trying to play with a stupid looking WWE toy as people keep interrupting them, getting weirder and weirder until of all people Johnny Ace cameos… and gets a crowd pop???)
wtf
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HOW IN THE BLUE FUCK DID JOHNNY ACE JUST GET A POP?
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(The weird screech takes over and the Wyatt promo begins leading up to the only match tonight either of us ACTUALLY cared about watching)
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Only match tonight I care about.
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as bad as this PPV could have been, its been pretty good IMO
who’s “the beard” though? which beard is punk teaming with?
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Wyatts have better beards lol
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Paige! paige is the devil!
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But she’s not free to call up yet
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why not?
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Because she’s the NXT Women’s champion.
They’ll need her to drop the belt first.
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I believe Big E was the men’s champion when he came up
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Actually no, he’d dropped it at the tapings.
His loss aired after his call-up but actually happened before
As of the last taping Paige still has it.
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whoa a this is awesome chant for the wyatts
just what Wyatt said
you did this Daniel
it IS AJ
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Goddamn the Wyatts are huge.
(Match ends with a Punk GTS to Harper after a Bryan flying knee to Rowan. Bray teases attacking the victors but backs off)
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Chris Hero would have fit so well with the wyatts
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(In the back Cena is with the Authority while a doctor reassures an apparently worried Steph and Trips that Cena’s fine. Orton interrupts and they have a stare-down. Cena leaves Two-Strikes to his butthurt whining)
hmmm, are they getting ready to unify?
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(it naturally isn’t long before the crowd starts alternating between “BORRRRING!!!” chants and “WE WANT BRYAN!!!” chants, proving once again that Mister Stephanie needs to stop booking for his FRIENDS and start booking for his AUDIENCE)
ARE YOU FUCKING LISTENING HHH?
A “BORING” chant in the MAIN EVENT.
And a “WE WANT BRYAN!” chant too.
How do we think Trips and Steph will justify ignoring it now?
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(The rest of this boring pointless unnecessary match passes by and neither of us care. Orton wins when Show is distracted by Motorhead, then Cena comes down to do an “I’M DA CHAMPEEN!!!” pose-off with Two-strikes. Show over.)
I think its building toward unification
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WM unification match would be best
ok, that’s enough of that
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