THE RAGER! – The Wrench and The Golden Coat-Hanger (John Cena, Randy Orton, Daniel Bryan)

The final pay per view of the year that involved the “biggest match in WWE history” and we’ve had a couple days to digest everything so how is everybody feeling about this? There were some good matches (nothing great, mind you) and yet I’m still feeling a bit meh on it. Let’s take a dive…

Fandango vs Dolph Ziggler
Ziggler just seems like the stepping stone to an Intercontinental Championship match, which is often referred to as the stepping stone championship and so would that make Ziggler the stepping stone’s stepping stone? You can call him whatever you like but the only thing you can’t call him is a top-card fixture, sadly. I really wish I could say that I won’t get my hopes up the next time Dolph gets anything resembling any sort of push but I really do wish WWE would make up their mind on how they feel about him. But anyways, look for Fandango to be in an IC match in the near future…because why not?

CM Punk vs The Shield
It’s sort of a head-scratcher as to why this match was going on first. However it does sort of make sense because why wouldn’t you want to start the night off with one of your top 3 or 4 matches? Especially one that’s going to end on a high note with the crowd favorite winning. I honestly didn’t see Punk winning this one but then again, I’m not so sure if their feud continues into Rumble. The one prediction that I did get correct was that this match would be fun to watch but then again, that’s no surprise to anyone.

Divas Championship: AJ(c) vs Natalya
Easily the best divas match of the year but what else would expect from Natalya once she was given a decent amount of time in a match? If we absolutely HAD to have a Total Divas cast member be a champion, I absolutely place my vote in favor of Natalya. I would, however, like to get to a point where I don’t need to put the “it was good…for a Divas match” disclaimer. We’re still a ways on that but this was good…for a Divas match.

Intercontinental Championship: Big E Langston(c) vs Damien Sandow
It happened, Big E looked good and Sandow continues his run of being put opposite of guys that WWE really wants to push (minus Ziggler, of course).

Fatal Four Way Elimination Tag Team Championship Match: CoDust(c) vs Team “Remember the Nexus?” vs Biggie Smalls (I hate you, Joel) vs Real Americans
Any match involving CoDust just seems to be completely (I’m sorry) golden as of late. And as much as it pains me to see him on my tv, I know WWE really wants to use Mysterio and if this is how they do so without being involved in any top card championship then I will swallow that pill. I do realize how hard it will be for WWE to resist the ideas of putting the tag belts on Biggie Smalls but I will accept it if they do so because of a CoDust split that leads to the rumor Goldust vs Cody match at WM30.

R-Truth vs Brodus Clay
I guess they didn’t want to overload the card with tag team matches and made this a singles. But why didn’t they just book the new kid that’s getting all the camera time instead? Brodus mercilessly beating on a new face would get plenty of heat on him and Xavier would get the sympathy cheers. Instead, we get the rapper. Why am I over-thinking a filler match? Moving on.

Kofi Kingston vs Miz
Ugh. Miz and Kofi are the wrestling equivalent of that week-long game of Monopoly that ends with somebody walking away angrily, not because they lost but because it just won’t end. It just won’t end, people. Make it stop.

Daniel Bryan vs The Wyatt Family
I really was looking for Bryan to find a way to win but WWE obviously wants to continue this feud in some fashion. However, I am surprised the Wyatts didn’t interfere during Bryan’s match against Orton the next night but instead we just got Bray acting like Clint Eastwood talking to President Obama. So color me clueless as to what is going on with this. As long as we get Bray creepin on Santa next Monday, I’ll be a satisfied fan.

Unification Match: Randy Orton vs John Cena
We essentially got the match we were all expecting because it’s Cena and Orton and nothing they do surprise me anymore. So I’m skipping ahead to the end of the match because it just felt so odd for a couple of reasons. Firstly, the table spot at the end felt like it was suppose to go differently and that odd feeling didn’t help when Randy just stood atop the ladder with that hollowed-out lifeless stare that we’ve all come to know and love. Randy finally takes down the golden coat-hanger and wins the match and just when we thought shenanigans were afoot, the Authority + Vince comes out to hold their hands out as if serving Randy to all of us on a golden platter. Don’t get me wrong, a messy, screwy finish would’ve been worse than Orton or Cena just winning straight so I’m complaining but this seemed like THE moment WWE could never resist throwing a wrench into. Maybe the knew we were expecting a wrench to be thrown so decided not to and that, in a way, was them throwing a wrench into it. Again, color me clueless as to where this will lead and if you think you know, please let me know and fill the rest of the class in.

Random note: I watched CZW for the first time this weekend and it took them 70 minutes to erect a cage. Maybe I’m bad luck for indie promotions?

Finally, if you’re looking to kill a couple hours, the new Starkid musical is out and it might be the funniest thing they’ve ever produced.

Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do twice,
Chris

The Answer: I’ve watched this more times than I care to admit.

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