Wrestling Wremix: Vince Buys TNA (WWE, TNA, Kurt Angle, Jeff Hardy)

tna

Hello and welcome to Wrestling Wremix.  I am James A. Sawyer and I am also @todaysjimsawyer.

So apparently TNA is not doing so good.  I don’t know who could have seen this coming except everyone everywhere with or without knowledge of professional wrestling.  I myself should admit that I’ve never seen a whole show or PPV of TNA, just hilarious clips on YouTube like this one:

Now let me try to see the POV of the TNA fan.  I’m not completely unreasonable.

“Bro, this TV-PG stuff is for babies!  TV-14 for life!”

Now… do people really remember the Attitude Era?  That’s the time when I got back into wrestling, just like a lot of folks.  And I gotta say, the “bra and panties” matches and birthing of hands and having thirtysomethings tell me to “suck it” is not exactly standing up to historical scrutiny.  Frankly a lot of that looks flat-out embarrassing now.

I’ll admit it, I don’t hate TV-PG.  In fact, I kinda like it.  Do I miss the blood?  Sometimes, when I think a feud or match warrants it, but it’s definitely not a necessity.  Do I wish that sometimes they could be a little looser with the language?  Again, in my opinion some of the guys could benefit from a saltier vocabulary- your Punks, Zigglers and Ambroses but overall there’s still been great promos and angles without people pointing at crotches or exposing thongs.

“Bro, they have more talent!”

Maybe at one point, but now the WWE has Punk, Bryan, Ziggler, Del Rio, Cesaro, The Shield, Kofi, Langston, The Usos and more.  You don’t want to get me started on the differences in onscreen authority figures and commentators.  I wouldn’t let Mike Tenay and Tazz call 911 if I was having a stroke, let alone a match.

Going up against the WWE is like going up against Coca-Cola, Disney, AT&T or ‘Merica.  The best you’re gonna do is hold your own and try to carve out your own following, and that’s if you’re firing on all cylinders.  TNA has not been firing on all cylinders.  Hence, trouble.

So let’s say Vince buys out TNA/Impact/Panda Energy.  Why?  Well, for one, it’d be worth it just to see the look on the face of Kurt Angle and The Jeffs (Hardy and Jarrett-yes I know Jeff Jarrett resigned but he still has stock in the company).

Another reason would be to get access to their entire library.  They could finally release a “Best of Sting” 3-Disc DVD with everything from WCW and TNA, and maybe convince him to do a one-time match against Undertaker at Survivor Series or something.  I imagine they wouldn’t do it at Wrestlemania because… c’mon.  It’d be all too obvious who would win.  They could also do DVDs of the best of the X Division and some of their more talented guys.

Most importantly, however, is that the McMahons get another foothold in wrestling.  Suddenly, TNA/Impact becomes a sort of intermediary between RAW and NXT.  Another night to promote RAW, Smackdown, PPVs, and sell ads.  The only thing that would stop them would be some sort of anti-trust lawsuit, which… c’mon.  It’s wrestling.  Who cares?  If Diamond Distribution doesn’t have a monopoly the WWE won’t (inside reference to you former and current comic shop employees).

Think about it.  McMahon doesn’t even have to acknowledge buying TNA.  Or he can show up at the first show, publicly fire Kurt and the Jeffs, change the name to something not mortifyingly embarrassing and split.

Now IMPACT (or whatever, it’s better than TNA at least) is on Thursday nights (or whatever night Smackdown won’t get switched to).  He gets Paul Heyman to be head booker, Heyman having a great eye for new talent and an ability to hide weaknesses and showcase strengths.  One of the many, many authority figures can come in and take over (either Vicki or Teddy or Brad or Kane or Booker or a Mr. Roper impersonator) giving them something to do.  The announce team can be wiped clean and replaced with William Regal, Alex Riley, and a rehired Matt Striker perhaps.  The rating can stay TV-14 and they can be a bit more liberal with the blood, language and content without going lowest common denominator and turning into two hours of Bloody Barbed Wire Bondage matches.  Just enough to appeal to that older demo and differentiate from the all-ages, family friendly WWE.

Does he can the whole roster, too?  Nah.  He can keep Samoa Joe, AJ Styles, Christopher Daniels, Chris Sabin, Austin Aries, Bobby Roode, James Storm, Eric Young, Ethan Carter III, Hernandez, Kazarian and Kenny King.  He can bring back Sonjay Dutt, Jay Lethal, Petey Williams, Homicide and Jimmy Yang.  He can move over some of the NXT group, too, especially Sami Zayn and some of the other guys I hear about like Corey Graves and whoever else might be almost ready.  They also might want to consider bringing in wrestlers they slept on like Matt Cross, Chris Hero, Briley Pierce and Colt Cabana.

As far as the ladies goes, they can bring back Mickie James and Awesome Kong (if she’s ready), and keep ODB, Gail Kim, and whoever else is impressive.

What’s more, the main roster of WWE has dudes that aren’t really doing anything at the moment.  So… welcome to Florida, Zack Ryder, Curt Hawkins, Yoshi Tatsu, 3MB, Camacho, Hunico, JTG, Ezekial Jackson, and Ricardo Rodriguez.  Time to get some new gimmicks, match time, and see if backstage is misusing you (likely) or whether you have jobs due to incriminating photos of some kind (also likely).

Tapings can move from the Universal Studios set with tourists to that snazzy new multimedia integrated training center/performance arena that they’re so proud of.  They can keep NXT on Hulu, while using IMPACT as an intermediary/testing ground for ideas and concepts.  If something takes off or works, great, they can move it or use it on another show, and if something tanks… who cares?  Honestly, the ratings won’t matter in the slightest.  I mean, Total Divas gets higher ratings than TNA.  The bar can’t sink much lower.  Pretty sure the only people watching TNA work for or are related to people in TNA.

The only real hiccup I could think of is some sort of deal with NBC/Universal that would prevent it, in which case… just move the show over from Spike, or set up a dummy company or something.  Lookit, I didn’t go to business school.  I went to the school of hard knocks, and I’m a grad.  That all-blue Yankee is my graduation cap.  Wait, that was Jay-Z.  Regardless, that’s it.

So what does everyone think?  I’m floating this as a whim on WWE’s part, in no way am I implying this would be vital for their or the business.  Just a thought.  I’d like to hear from some TNA fans, I know you’re out there.  Even the ones that harass perfectly nice Canadians like BD.  In fact, maybe tweet @BDInsidePulse and tell him to follow up on this article or idea.  That guy needs to pull some weight.  George RR Martin is more prolific than my man lately.

That’s right, Walking Deadites.  Game of Thrones rules and will never not rule.  I’m out.

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