The SmarK Rant for WWE Smackdown – 09.17.03
Vince McMahon introduces the show, but Undertaker interrupts his pre-tape and threatens VIOLENCE.
GIANT FIST era! Oh yeah!
Taped from North Carolina State, which would be the in state of North Carolina, one would presume.
Your hosts are Michael Cole & Tazz
Rey Mysterio & Chris Benoit v. Tajiri & Rhyno
Benoit throws chops on Tajiri, but gets caught in the Tarantula. Rhyno comes in with a spinebuster for two. Benoit reverses a backdrop suplex for two and gets his own, and it’s over to Rey. Moonsault press on Rhyno and a tornado DDT get two, and it’s BONZO GONZO. Tajiri accidentally mists Rhyno and we get a 619 into a german suplex on Tajiri, and then Mysterio finishes Rhyno with the Drop the Dime at 3:17. That 619/suplex combo was the prettiest thing ever. **
Torrie Wilson & Nidia v. Shaniqua
Man, where did the Bashams disappear to, anyway? Doug Basham was a long-running Cornette project and he just vanished from the business after his WWE run flopped. Linda Miles didn’t last much longer than this, either. Nidia gets a rollup for two, but Shaniqua clotheslines them both and slams Torrie onto Nidia. Powerbomb finishes Nidia at 1:34. Poor Dawn Marie gets booted right out of her heels and then run into the post as well. This would have seemed to be leading up to something, but it didn’t. DUD
Meanwhile, Vince and his entourage still can’t make Stephanie quit as GM.
Meanwhile, John Cena cuts an impassioned freestyle rap against Eddie Guerrero. WORD LIFE.
WWE Tag titles: Charlie Haas & Shelton Benjamin v. Los Guerreros
Shelton gets double-teamed in the Guerrero corner, but the champs return the favor on Eddie. Chavo comes in and stomps Benjamin down in the corner, then cleans house to set up stereo dives. We take a break and return with Eddie choking Haas in the corner, but Chavo gets caught in the heel corner. Back to Eddie, who reverses a powerbomb into a rollup for two, but Chavo comes in and walks into a superkick. Haas with a suplex for two and Benjamin goes to work on Chavo’s injured arm. False tag to Eddie, but Chavo keeps fighting and makes it on the second try. Three Amigos for Benjamin, but Haas catches him from behind with a german suplex for two. Eddie takes them both down with headscissors and goes up, but changes his mind and dumps Haas instead. The champs grab chairs, but Chavo clips Benjamin’s knee to foil that. Haas is alone, so it’s a brainbuster and frog splash to give the Guerreros the tag titles back at 14:00. There was a really scary spot here as the Guerreros tried to flapjack Haas, but he took the bump like he was expecting to do a backdrop and he seemed to knock himself silly. Good stuff regardless. ***1/4 I forget how they got the tag titles off them, but I do remember Big Show beating Eddie for the US title in a senseless change.
WWE title, Iron Man match: Kurt Angle v. Brock Lesnar
Angle was the babyface and Lesnar was Vince McMahon’s muscle, for those who have trouble keeping track, like myself. Brock stomps him down in the corner and tosses him around the ring, but Angle comes back with clotheslines. Overhead suplex puts Brock on the floor and he takes some time out there. Back in, Brock has a cramp in his leg and calls time, then attacks Angle anyway. Angle puts him on the floor with armdrags, thus causing Brock’s ruse to BACKFIRE. He stalls for a while to stretch things out, and FINALLY catches him with a necksnap to take over. And then Angle puts him right back out with a clothesline and this time Brock really does hurt his knee. Angle follows, but Brock beats on him outside and runs him into the post, and then beats on him with a chair for the DQ at 8:38. And with Angle out cold, Brock finishes him off with the F5 to even it up at 10:20, 1-1. Brock remains in control and now tries an anklelock, and Kurt taps at 12:12, putting Brock up 2-1 as we take a break. So HHH’s strategy pays off here again, with Brock giving up a fall to get 2.
Back with Brock working him over in the corner, but Angle slugs back and hits the rolling germans. Brock leverages him out of the ring and they slug it out on the floor, with Brock hitting an F5 out there to draw a “Holy Shit” chant. Obviously Angle is counted out at 20:22 to put Brock up 3-1. And we take another break and return with Brock elbowing him to the floor. Back in, Brock drops elbows for two and the GODDAMNED NETWORK FREEZES UP ON ME. So I exit and FF back to the spot again, and this shit better not go down during Wrestlemania. It’s basically been perfect for a while now, but if it’s freezing up during a random episode of Smackdown in the morning, that’s not good. Angle comes back with the Angle Slam and it’s 3-2 Brock at 27:13. So Angle takes control now with a suplex for two and the straps are down. Another Angle Slam is reversed to the F5, but Angle reverses out of that into the anklelock. Brock rolls out of that, but accidentally clotheslines the ref on the follow-through. Angle gets the Slam, but there’s no ref. The replay shows Brian Hebner taking a MANLY bump off that clothesline, too. No wonder he’s dead here. Brock goes into Viking Space Lord mode and demands the belt, then lays out Angle but good. Yeah, he’s done. 4-2 Brock at 29:42.
Back from another break with Angle fighting from underneath and whipping Brock into the stairs, then following with a double axehandle to the floor. That gets two. To the top for a missile dropkick that gets two. Anglesault misses, but he gets a rollup for two and then Brock puts him down with a clothesline again. He follows with an overhead throw, literally throwing Angle over his head without even falling back. These men are good at the wrestlings. Angle takes him down with an anklelock, but Brock powers out of it and Angle is on the floor again. Back in, Brock gets two. He goes for the stairs this time, but Angle dropkicks it back in his face and gets two. He chokes away in the corner and gets two, and we take one last break. Back with Brock now up 5-2 to really put Angle in a bad place. They fight to the announce table, where the announcers are clearly not saying the things we’re hearing on the TV. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS VOODOO? Anyway, Angle F5’s Brock into the post to really mess up the knee, and back in for a half-crab. Brock makes the ropes, so Angle turns into the anklelock and forces Brock to fight out of it. Angle keeps coming after him, but Brock hits a desperate F5 and gets two. He goes up to finish for good, but Angle catches him with the superplex at 51:40 to make it 5-3.
Home stretch now, and both guys are out. They slug it out and Angle wins that battle in the corner and pulls up the straps, so that he can pull them down again. Angle Slam is reversed into a DDT that gets two for Brock. Angle slugs away, but Brock hits a german suplex to slow him up and then two more, but Angle gets his own and rolls into another anklelock, and Brock has nowhere to go and taps at 56:00 to make it 5-4 Brock. Angle slaps it on again and Brock powers out, so Angle puts him in an STF instead and gets nowhere with that. Back to the floor and Angle puts him in the anklelock, which is kind of a dumb thing to do out there. Brock keeps running out the clock on the floor, and Angle chases him back in for the rolling germans. But time is running out and Brock goes low. Angle goes back to the anklelock and locks it in, but time runs out at 60:00 and Brock is the WWE champion again. I originally gave it ****1/4 because it was kind of slow and repetitive, and that still sounds close. Especially with the anti-climactic finish with Angle taking up way too much time with suplexes. I’ll go ****1/2 because I was really into it, but it’s nowhere near a ***** match or anything.
The Pulse
Man, this was 180 difference from the Russo shows I’ve been watching, with nothing but wrestling for the whole show. Definitely worth checking this one out.
