Review: Uncanny X-Men #19.NOW by Brian Bendis and Chris Bachalo

Uncanny_X-Men_Vol_3_19.NOW

Uncanny X-Men #19.NOW

Written by Brian Michael Bendis

Art by Chris Bachalo, Tim Townsend, Al Vey, Jaime Mendoza, Mark Irwin, Victor Olazaba, and Jose Villarrubia

 

The short of it:

In Atlanta, David Bond wakes up to life without being an X-Man, but Maria Hill is sitting in his den with SHIELD agents already asking him where Scott is. Meanwhile, in some unknown spot, Mystique shows Sabretooth where the MGH in Madripoor comes from….drugged up and knocked out Dazzler. In Atlanta, David is lectured on Maria’s perceived view of his recent life, and then finds out she read his e-mails. She explains why, and gives him a tip about talking to girls, and then she lets him know that she can detain him forever, but she won’t if he just tells her where Scott Summers is. Back in somewhere else, Raven rants about Dazzler being a whore as she steals her blood and Creed just sorta goes with it. That’s Dazzler’s life now. Whereas David’s is going to be being interrogated about where Scott is until he breaks.

Scott’s at his base, obviously, looking at mutants on Cerebro and trying to get Eva to explain why she’s been different, a new mutant pops up to distract Scott, and she lies to him, and then the X-Men head to Chicago! GOLDBALLS shows off his awesome new costume, the girls make some jokes, and then they see the giant Sentinel in the background and realize they’ve been had. Scott goes to take point and create a distraction while the kids get evacuated, but he loses control up until most everyone loses their powers. The Big Sentinel spits out mini Sentinels, and pretty much only Eva seems to still have access to her powers…so Yana busts out something completely different, and reminds everyone that she’s a Sorcerer. Short work is made, day is saved, but people want the mutants to go to hell for bringing this trouble.

It was the last straw, though. Scott is done. Pissed off. If this is SHIELD, he’s going to war with them. If it isn’t SHIELD, they’re still letting it happen, and he’s going to war with them!

 

What I liked:

  • Maria Hill gives dating tips while also threatening to throw someone in a hole for life for helping a terrorist. At some point, Bendis realized how to make her fun, and she’s been great ever since.

  • GOLDBALLS HAS A COSTUME!

  • “We’re the famous X-Men. And Ms. Frost doesn’t wear proper shirts.” “LIke you do, Magik.”

  • Magik finally has some tricks up her sleeve of the actual magic variety, the Dr. Strange training is awesome.

  • I really like the new Sentinel design, with the holographic vapory heads. Bachalo made them work. I realize now that these are the same design Frazer Irving used, but now I can actually tell!

  • Bachalo makes EVERYTHING work. From the new Sentinels, to Scott busting loose, to Yana’s giant magic dragon

  • “My balls are broken!”

  • “Oh hey! My balls are working again.” “Wording!”

 

What I didn’t like:

  • Man, maybe Brian is a bit too rough on Dazzler. She’s drugged, replaced, being used as a source for MGH, AND she has Mystique stealing her blood and life while calling her a whore. It’s just a bit harsh, I mean, Dazzler doesn’t need track marks that aren’t even of her own creation.

  • The X-Men can scan the world for mutants, but they can’t pick up if a seventy story robot is standing there?

  • Nobody has noticed Eva’s suddenly much longer hair.

  • Uncanny X-Men vs. SHIELD #1. Lame. Tacky.

 

Final thoughts:

Eva is the worst ever at keeping secrets.

How do you know you’ve made it as an X-Man? You get a non-generic costume. Welcome to the club, GOLDBALLS! He joins Eva in having a unique look, while Christopher and the Stepford’s are still decked in school clothes. Ben is wearing a big X outfit, but it’s the same generic one that David had. Bottom line? GOLDBALLS has a costume, and it is amazing.

I’m not the worlds biggest Dazzler fan (that would be my buddy Matt), but her treatment is beyond harsh. Like, this is almost as bad as what Bendis did to Mattie Franklin back during Alias. The difference being that Mattie was a terrible character who had it coming, whereas Dazzler was the star of the Xtreme X-Men book I read and loved not too long ago.

Bendis did poop jokes and I didn’t roll my eyes. A testament to his delivery, more than anything else. Also that his version of the Stepford sisters actually handle comedy pretty well, which is still such an upgrade from the giant stick that used to be up their collective asses.

Scott really needs to get his powers worked out. Early on in the run there was the moment with Magneto where they talked about working together to fix their powers, but then they didn’t get back to it, and Mags left, and Scott needs to get his powers back in line. Not that it’s not entertaining to watch him screw up on a regular basis, but I can’t imagine him remaining alright with losing control anytime he tries for a big shot.

Masked dude at the end reminds me of Archer from the late Howard Mackie issues of X-Factor. That’s right, I went there. How many of you have any clue what the hell I’m talking about?

Overall: 8.5/10

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