THE RAGER! Why Isn’t Payback the New Version of Backlash? (Evolution, Shield, Daniel Bryan)

That’s right, your favorite-ish somewhat regular column is back. As I’ve stated before, I’ve reached a point where I felt like I’m repeating myself between this column, RAGER’S 10 Thoughts and the Classy Ring Attire podcast every week and I want more for you poor souls that decide to read this hot garbage. So I’ve decided to save RAGER for pay-per-view discussions or whenever I have something to say/rant about. And again, it’s not like Pulse Wrestling is doing without a healthy dose of Chris Sanders every week, you’re still stuck with my 10 Thoughts (except for last week’s UK show, because nothing of any note happened…it would have been RAGER’S 3 Thoughts and one of those would’ve been me complaining that nothing happened that week).

So let’s get ankle-deep in some Payback, yes?

Pre-show Hair vs Mask Match:
El Torito vs Hornswaggle
Honestly, I have no strong feelings against this match although it is obvious Hornswaggle will be losing his hair long before the unmask the bull. All that being said, if I have to put up with another little person commentator booth, I will start a forest fire.

Divas Championship Match:
Paige(c) vs Alicia Fox
I don’t believe Fox has much of a chance here but I’m really digging her insane Orange Soda Stone Cold antics because it’s way better than watching most Diva matches. Actually, you know what? I’m gonna change my tune and say Fox is gonna win the title just so we can watch her come up with a different way to turn into R-Hooch (because hooch is crazy) every week.

US Championship Match
Sheamus(c) vs Cesaro
You know, I had this bizarre hope when they paired Cesaro with Paul Heyman that there was some sort of plan going forward for Cesaro. But I now realize how foolish hoping that was because it’s almost the same scenario we saw with Curtis Axel last year. Don’t get me wrong, I love Cesaro and his ringwork is second to none, but it’s clear that there is no real plan for him going forward. I’m in a tricky situation here because I don’t really want him as the US champion again but I don’t want to see him lose to Sheamus (cleanly, that is). Hopefully, WWE is just biding their time and waiting for something better to come Cesaro’s way (hopefully a MitB win).

Rumored Match
Rusev vs Big E
I’m just ready to see Rusev in actual competitive matches rather than squashes here and there while we all shake our fists at the gods because we’re not getting enough Lana camera time. I’d like to say that I’m still on the fence about Rusev but he’s got 3 negatives working against him: 1) the constant worship of Putin’s giant head, 2) his generic monster build just isn’t working and 3) that damn Camel Clutch. Of course, Rusev also has Lana and there’s about 15 positive things I can say about that lovely lady. If you can come up with the same 15 things I have, you win this week.
But if this leads to the formation of a rumored Nation of Domination-type faction featuring Big E, Xavier Woods and R-Truth (apparently, they don’t want Titus), I am all in…maybe bring in Ron Simmons as a manager and I’m there with freaking bells on.

Rumored Match
Adam Rose vs Jack Swagger
Yeah, let’s just get this over with already.

The Daniel Bryan WWEWHC Decision:
He’s gonna drop the title for his wife and lead some sort of ladder match at MitB and that’ll be your “All-Star MitB match” for this year. Or It’s yet another stall tactic to see if DB will be good to go by MitB. Either way, stop making announcements for announcements, we’re getting into Inception territory here.

Intercontinental Championship Match
Bad News Barrett(c) vs Rob Van Dam
I’m guessing the prerequisite for this match was to have three names so be on the lookout for next month’s match against Dolph Charles Ziggler.
I just realized that I have absolutely nothing to say about either guy that’s in this match. Only the best for you readers, am I right?

Last Man Standing Match
John Cena vs Bray Wyatt
I’m assuming there will be some sort of singing involved at some point seeing as how it’s apparently impossible to ever do without during a Wyatt segment these days. But everything has been in favor of Bray lately so that leads me to believe we really get your usual “Cena never quits” type of win. It seems like this would be an automatic win for Cena but the LMS matches I can remember Cena being in, he’s lost or it was a draw. There was the one against Edge where Big Show put Cena through a spotlight, when he lost to Del Rio at Vengeance when they wrestled on a collapsed ring and last year against Ryback. Of course the two I remember Cena winning both involved duct tape. So either some sketch shenanigans go down so Bray can win or Cena is pulling out the duct tape.

No Holds Barred Elimination Match
Evolution vs Shield
Well as we’ve all suspected, Batista will be taking a break after Payback so either they go the injury route or something goes down where Evolution turns on him so he can give this face thing an honest try when he returns. Hopefully this will be the end of this brief reunion because I’d much rather see that than have some replacement or new member show up like Sheamus. Whatever the case may be, I’m looking forward to this match because I almost guarantee that this will be a fun match to watch.
Not the best card but it’s probably the best they can do right now with their champion and hottest entity on the shelf briefly. This is where that 6 month network commitment pays off for WWE.

Coming up this week on the Classy Ring Attire Podcast, Hollywood Joel is taking the week off due to his hectic theater schedule so instead, we welcome a new member to the CRA family as our good friend “Beardsly” joins the podcast. He’s new to the wrestling world but he’s jumped into it headfirst and I think you guys will love it. ALSO, I will be making a huge announcement at the end of the podcast about our parent company Irrelevant But Awesome Productions so please, please, please tune in for that!

Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do twice,

The Answer: “Any pizza can be a personal pizza if you believe in yourself”

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