Forever Heel: Rumors From Idiots.

Okay I haven’t kept up with WWE and TNA lately. I’ve got to say Kane is still the same boring masked doofus. Why WWE insists on making Kane wear a mask I’ll never understand. I also hate Abyss, but loved Joe Park. Corporate Kane was a good fit for Glen Jacobs. Chief Morley was also a better fit than Val Venis. I thought the key to a good gimmick is exaggerating who a wrestler is in real life?  Although it’s obvious WWE is totally not interested in gimmicks, or letting any of their talent standout. Oh right. They let Bray standout by not forcing him into trunks and a t-shirt. Remember, street clothes are Cena’s gimmick. Only jobbers get to wear the long tights I guess? Where’s my bunny?

Since WWE decided to make cookie cutter PG wrestling, I thought I’d focus on fans that have to lie and make up rumors because they’re so bored with the product. Here it goes…

Rumor 1: “Paul Heyman was going to sign with TNA. His demands were that he be given total creative control over TNA, and Russo be fired. Heyman also demanded that Dixie hire Daniel Bryan to a six figure contract and make him TNA champ. Dixie said `no’, and instead went with Hogan and pushed Jeff Hardy.”

Commentary: This is my favorite rumor in history. Why would TNA make Daniel Bryan champ in 2010? It’s not like he was bigger than guys like Jeff Hardy, or RVD. Also I know Russo sucked, but Heyman really did kill ECW. Russo is just blamed for killing WCW, but he didn’t really pull the trigger. If someone in TNA thought Paul Heyman could turn the company around, they would’ve hired him and Paul would’ve thrown Daniel Bryan under the bus to get in, if need be. I also think fans vitriol toward Dixie is from those idiots that think she makes every decision in TNA, and that Jeff Jarrett ran the company like a dream. We used to call Jeff “Triple J” back in 2004-2007. He was once the John Cena of TNA heels.

Rumor #2: “Undertaker wanted to face Daniel Bryan at WrestleMania 30, and Batista was supposed to face Brock for the WWE WHC. Bryan was going to end The Streak.”

Commentary: These rumors come from the rabid Daniel Bryan fans that think Bryan fits in anywhere in pro-wrestling. Bryan was probably not going to end the streak, because Undertaker would never of been Okay with a “little guy” pinning him. Look at Taker’s feuds, and guess he refused to get involved with. Mark has said no to rivalries with Taz, Raven, and Saturn. He’s only had big losses to Stone Cold, and HBK everyone else was over 6’4. So there’s no reason to believe Undertaker would have lost his streak to the Yes Lock.

Rumor #3: “Eric Bischoff fired 6-Pac to keep Hall and Nash in-line.”

Commentary: This is an old Meltzer rumor I think. This situation would work great as a storyline, but in real life it would be idiotic, and only we wrestling fans would’ve believed such a story. I mean Eric Bischoff isn’t Jim Corrnette, or Dusty Rhodes, Bischoff was a professional. He was office made, not carney stock. There’s no reason to believe Bischoff really fired an innocent Waltman because he’s mad at Nash and Hall. It’s more likely that 6/X-Pac made this story up to get in good with WWE. Bischoff’s book says that he fired Waltman over a contract dispute, Pac was trying to hold up WCW for more money. It’s also been hinted that Steve Austin did a similar thing, and that was the reason he was let go.

Okay guys, I’m going to end it here, this week. Don’t worry though I have note books full of idiotic rumors, Heel PPV reviews, and top ten (really five) lists. My top heel for May is of course that lumbering jackass, Kane. He did kill Daniel Bryan for all of May, and tombstone poor Brad Maddox.