Forever Heel: Raw/Impact Heel Rundown: Okay not much TNA, but there is Right-wing MITB hilarity

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This week is full of optimism for TNA and WWE on my part, but we need to get through the bad news. It looks like Wade Barrett is out of MITB this Sunday. This is leaving all of us to wonder if he’ll be written off as accident prone? I don’t believe this was Jack Swagger’s fault though. Swagger gets too much shit anyway. I think he’s a fine main event guy. You can insert him anywhere and get a good match out of it. So I’m thinking so far Barrett’s place will be filled by New Jack. The kids love New Jack.

Last Monday was also Vickie’s “firing”, and of course there are morons that feel it was disrespectful of her to use Eddie’s music. I think most of us feel Vickie did the Guerreros proud. She lied, cheated, and stole her way into being a great heel in her own right. She is probably the top female heel manager in pro-wrestling, and played a great evil witch. I’m also happy to see her leave on a high note, and that Stephanie got hers.

I noticed Big E’s pro USA promo. I know he was using the promo for his feud with Rusev, but Big E sounded a lot like Zeb. So if Big E. is really going to feud with Cena than this might be where the turn starts? They’re starting to use Rusev better by giving him the Russian Nationalist gimmick. He seems more interesting than before, when he was just Bulgarian Umaga. Lana’s entrance theme sounds like a video game or Japanese pro-wrestling entrance. Umaga!

So we have the WWE WHC ladder match, and I’m guessing Damien Sandow will win his first World Title. See he’ll be dressed as Cena, and Vince will be relieved to see Cena win, only for Sandow to rip off his fake chin and reveal it was him the whole time. Cena will then run to the ring in his underwear (because Sandow took his clothes and stuffed him in a closet earlier), as MITB goes off the air.

The winner of the real MITB match will be Cesaro, but he will never cash it in because “it’s a nice briefcase”, and he likes nice stuff. Soon the briefcase will replace Heyman as Cesaro’s manager. The briefcase will cut riveting promos, and eventually talk CM Punk into coming back. Briefcase will become kayfabe and real Raw GM. Finally at Survivor Series, John Cena will turn heel and join Cesaro and Briefcase in their battle against Daniel Bryan, CM Punk, and CM Punk’s hoodie. I got all this from a reliable source. Who doesn’t watch wrestling.

I never watched Legend’s House, but I’m obligated to say that Tony Atlas is awesome, and that Hillbilly Jim is a conniving hick. Also Piper had all that time and never lit anyone on fire? He’s just not the same since he changed leather jackets in the 90’s.

Josh Mathews was let go yesterday. I liked him, but Mike Adamle deserves a second shot. I mean the guys a Republican, and everyone loves Republicans. (I’m kidding don’t leave any comments)

I don’t get why when Ambrose cuts a promo, he’s a hero, but when Samuel Shaw does it, he’s a creepy bastard? Alot of fans don’t know this, but Ambrose put himself through wrestling school by paying in blood diamonds. He also has six fingers on his left hand.

I’m glad Kane was added to the main event because it stacks the deck in favor of having a heel champ. We all know the champ will be Randy Orton though because he’s a well deserving champion. Randy Orton grants about 28 wishes before breakfast. Although it seems that alot of the kids ask for gym bags full of Shit? Hey. Atleast he’s trying.

Finally your heel for this week is none other than The Authority for firing Vickie, adding Kane to the main event, and for putting their faith in Seth. Believe in Seth Rollins.

EC3 needs to button up his shirts.

CH Punk comes from Beverly Hills, California; but considers himself a citizen of the World. Punk also turned heel at age 5, after receiving a LJN Iron Sheik figure for Christmas. On that day he vowed he would stuff his Sheik figure up Hulk Hogan's nose, to ruin Hulkamania. By 1995 Hogan had already ruined it without CH's help.