The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW – 10.24.94
Taped from Burlington, VT
Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Randy Savage
Intercontinental title: Razor Ramon v. Yokozuna
Yokozuna PEARL HARBORS Ramon, but gets slugged to the floor while Savage coins the great catchphrase of the next decade: “Winning is a great deodorant.” Or maybe he’s just on drugs. Probably the drugs. Razor tries to work the arm, but Yoko slams him and misses the elbow. The fake crowd noise is so ridiculously out of control that they actually mute the ring mic in favor of it. Yoko tosses him into the corner and Vince is all “WE HAVE A NEW CHAMPION” and Yoko just sits there for literally a minute doing nothing. I’m thinking Vince jumped the gun there. Razor makes a comeback and gets pounded down again and Yoko goes to the nerve hold as we take a break. Back with EXACTLY the same camera shot, so either they didn’t move for 3 minutes or they just inserted a false break in the match. Yoko choke-o in the corner and it’s back to the nerve hold as the announcers make a bunch of references to football to sound with it, and then turn around and trash football to hype up the Action Zone. Can’t really have it both ways, Vince. So after THREE MINUTES of nerve hold, Ramon makes a comeback with a flying bulldog for two to wake up the (real) crowd, just as some dude drops off a giant casket at ringside. Yoko is so terrified that he runs away at 12:25. Ramon basically had nothing going on until January, so I’m not even sure why they booked this one. You knew they weren’t really gonna beat Yokozuna leading up to Survivor Series anyway. *1/2
Survivor Series Report! Bret Hart finally accepts the challenge of Mr. Bob Backlund and we get a crappy Luger v. Tatanka team match.
The Smoking Gunns v. Mike Bell & Unnamed Other Guy
We’re joined in progress after a promo for next week’s Luger v. Backlund match that I guarantee will not have a finish. The Gunns progressively double-team Bell and finish him with the double-team backbreaker at 1:30ish.
Tatanka v. Scott Taylor
They always have Tatanka wearing a nice suit in their promo graphics, but then he just comes out and wrestles in his usual gear. He should at least have cool diamond-studded bling on his trunks or something. Tatanka with a SNEERING clothesline because he’s so EVIL while Savage and Vince talk about car racing and shill Slim Jims. Man, that advertising relationship would go south in a hurry. Literally. Taylor gets a rollup for a hope spot and slugs away, but walks into another clothesline and an even bigger sneer. See, Dibiase’s evil worked because he always had that look of smug condescension on his face. Tatanka just looks constipated. Papoose to Go finishes at 4:00.
Meanwhile, only IRS has the guts to investigate a guy for dying to intentionally avoid paying taxes. Is it Hotblack Desiato by chance?
Adam Bomb v. Phil Apollo
Vince shells out for a little smoke bomb pyro for Adam Bomb, so you know they must be serious about pushing him because cutbacks had basically rendered catering into bologna sandwiches and crackers by this point. Bomb with a backdrop suplex and he quickly finishes with the flying clothesline and MELTDOWN at 1:30. And then Bob Backlund makes a surprise appearance and takes him out with the chickenwing!
The King’s Court with a challenge to Doink and a shitload of midgets. I go watch the new Weird Al video to drown it out.
Diesel v. Ben Jordan
This week on the Action Zone, it’s Shawn & Diesel v. Ramon & The Kid, which is a ****1/2 tag team match someone should post as a Match of the Day if they haven’t already. Big Kev with a sideslam as they try desperately to get “Big Daddy Cool” over as a nickname. I guess it worked. Snake Eyes and he goes to a neck vice while Vince and Macho discuss pop culture and make me want to claw my own eardrums out. Poochiebomb finishes at 3:45.
Next week: Lex Luger v. Mr. Bob Backlund!
