THE RAGER! A Super Early Summerslam Kickoff Show (Roman Reigns, Bray Wyatt, John Cena)

Missed me? Yeah, me neither. Let’s just jump into it and get this over with, yes?

Kick-Off

Fandango vs Adam Rose
Apparently Rose doesn’t share Fandango’s enthusiasm for triangles…he’s probably more of an octagon fan.

Cameron vs Naomi
They couldn’t have just buried this match on Smackdown where no one would ever see it?

BATTLEGROUND

Usos vs Wyatts
A 2 out of 3 falls is a good way to end a feud and this feud has kind of suffered from too much of a good thing. Their matches have been fun to watch but the market has been flooded with it since they first faced off. I would’ve liked for the Wyatts to have actually won the tag championships at one point, especially with a face team like GoldStar waiting in the wings. Also, let me go ahead and say something that may get some negative feedback: I can’t stand Eric Rowan. I don’t know what it is but every time he’s tagged in, I find myself wandering on my laptop until Harper comes back in. The head-fisting thing he does is the dumbest thing I’ve seen since the camel-clutch/accolade.
Good match, let’s move on already.

John Gruden was spotted behind the commentators, does the guy ever go out in public without wearing some sort of visor?

AJ vs Paige
Aside from a botch or two from Paige, it was a fun match to watch. It wasn’t the masterpiece of Natalya vs Charlotte but that feels like an impossible high bar most Divas matches will never come close to.

Rusev vs Jack Swagger
Apparently this feud was cancelled after Lana’s rant which is weird because this is the first time something was broken or ruined and it wasn’t Swagger’s fault. It’s a shame too because this is the most over Swagger has ever been and probably ever will be. I also want to point out the trainer tending to Jack Swagger’s “head injury” by shaking Jack’s head. His medical school must’ve been online.

Dean Ambrose vs Seth Rollins
Okay so the match itself never happened but I had to title this segment something. I really love the video package, I just wished it was saved for whenever their actual match happened. This segment was the biggest and best example of this being an unnecessary in-between pay per view for Summer Slam. As much as I love these two, we need more meat in this story and not just one guy jumping the other every week.

Chris Jericho vs Bray Wyatt
Wasn’t completely impressed with this match. It was slow and felt mostly one-sided until Jericho pulled off the miracle win at the end. Maybe it was because I was expecting too much and built it up to an impossible extent in my head or everyone realized it was Battleground and decided they didn’t actually give a crap. It’s funny that Lawler is still mesmerized by Bray’s spider walk, you don’t have to be possessed to do it, just do some DDP yoga a few times a week.

The most shocking thing about all this is that Jericho actually won a match this soon after returning.

IC Battle Royal
Clearly WWE has found a winning formula when it comes to battle royals but they really need to pace themselves because Kofi is going to eventually run out of ideas. I would still like periodical check-ins with Bad News Barrett, seeing as how he did kinda get over by just talking…even if his promo got extremely real extremely quick. Would’ve been nice if Ziggler got the win just because it would sort of assure that we would have something to do in the near future. I guess it makes sense for Miz to win, help put over the new version of his character and give him more incentive to wake up super early and do crappy radio promotions that no one else in the company wants to do.

John Cena vs Kane vs Randy Orton vs Roman Reigns
A whole lot of “meh” in this match other than the Roman Reigns highlight show. Honestly, it was a fine main event and would’ve been a lot better if we didn’t get the exact same Cena finish that we got last month at MitB. He hit Orton with an AA on-top of Kane, the only difference is Cena had to actually pin someone this time. I get that Cena was going to win this, I’ve come to terms with it, but at least mix up a little bit. Even if they’re not going to mix it up, at least take a break from being lazy long enough to come up with a finish that isn’t the exact same as the previous PPV. If Cena wins at Summer Slam by hitting Heyman with an AA on-top of Lesnar, I’m setting everyone’s house on fire. Sure, it’s not the most original reaction to anger but then again, neither are Cena’s finishes.

Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do twice,
Chris

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