RAGER’S 10 Thoughts: WWE Raw 9.8.2014 (Roman Reigns, John Cena, Paul Heyman)

1. Saying that they drove the whole “season premiere” thing into the ground is a severe understatement but if it’s true, their season finale sucked so much butt. And yeah, the premiere was a little better but only because I was given the illusion that everybody was trying. Seriously, what I’m getting from watching Monday Night War on the Network is that maybe Vince would kick creative into gear if they all pretended Monday Night Football was WCW. But this episode was a promising-ish start and I’m hoping they’ll actually try to compete with MNF this year but they’re already working from behind considering how terrible ratings have been (justifiably so) the last couple episodes.

2. Jericho vs Bray cage match was a great way to break the “let’s start every Raw with a talking segment” streak but I was afraid this was going to be the highlight of the show and nothing else would peak my interest. Thankfully that wasn’t the case but I’ll get to that later. Needless to say that Jericho easily got spot of the match with the jump from the top of the cage. Bray winning by simply falling out over Jericho was a bit odd but the beat down afterward was a solid way to write off Jericho believably as I’m assuming this is the end of his current run. It wasn’t a terrible ending but I would’ve liked to have seen something a bit stronger and more definitive for Bray after Cena essentially took the Wyatt Family’s legs out from under them a couple weeks ago.

3. I have nothing snarky to say about the Ziggler/Miz dopey photo leak segment because Ziggler is infallible and perfect in every way. All hail the almighty Ziggles and may all those that oppose you or speak ill of you fall swiftly at your feet.

Was that a bit much, guys? I can’t gauge this anymore.

4. Cena going toe-to-toe verbally with Heyman did more to restore Cena’s believeability as a credible threat to Brock Lesnar than those meaningless 6-man tag team matches. And yes, we all admire Cena for his charitable deeds but this is the second week in a row he brought that up to defend his point, soon it’s going to sound a bit holier than thou so maybe Cena should pump the brakes a bit on that. And yes, we get it, Cena. You REALLY love these rally towels. We don’t need have you show them off every single match/segment or your dim-witted alternate slogan that you’ve been regurgitating since forever. But all-in-all, good talking segment but being the stereotypical smark, I’m gonna give all the credit for this segment to Heyman.

5. Seriously, Sheamus, how do you botch taking a curb stomp? That’s right up there with Nash pedigree botch in 2011. Sheamus is very close to being forever dead to me.

6. The NXT Takeover tag match was brilliant and even though I wish they were given more time, everyone had their brief moment and I understand they have to save some of it for Takeover. Seriously, the best thing about the Network is that I’ve finally been able to get properly invested in NXT to the point where I was genuinely excited for all 4 guys in the match and the opportunity to be on the main show, even if it was briefly. All this does, however, is heighten my anticipation for Neville and Zayne to finally join the main roster for good.

7. So as I was watching Raw at my apartment with a few friends and this Bella twin segment was starting, I handed my keys over to a friend that was sitting next to me. I selected my car key because it was longer than the others and I told her that whenever I gave her the signal, I wanted her to stab me in the eye with it. As to exactly which eye, I let her pick; I figured it was the gentlemanly thing to do. The signal for her to do so was me saying “F*cking kill me now.” Around the time the videos of the parents were shown was when I finally broke and gave the signal but I’m afraid that I may have picked the wrong solution because I could still listen to the entire abomination. But that’s my fault, my friend was simply carrying out my wishes and that makes her a great person. By the way, due to my blindness, I’m just guessing at what keys I’m typing right now. So there’s your explanation if there’s any typos. And I know what you’re thinking: “Chris, your articles are riddled with typos every week, how is this different?” My answer to this is simple: Don’t question my kayfabe.

8. The Bunny is Fandango or Justin Gabriel. I have no idea who WWE will decide it will be whenever it’s revealed in like a month or so, but I’m saying right now, the guy in the suit is either the Dangle or Gabriel.

9. Yes, the Usos attacked GoldStar from behind with a crutch and yet are somehow not the heels in all this.

10. As I saw Seth Rollins jumping from the top of the cage, I couldn’t help but think “Chris Jericho invented that like 3 hours ago.” Also, we came pretty damn close to seeing Seth get impaled by those spike things on the bottom of the cage. Also, if you’re gonna hype a big rematch from Summerslam, you probably don’t want it to be the one boring match that was on that card. Literally any other rematch would’ve been completely fine.

Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do twice,

P.S. Classy Ring Attire is doing a big top 10 list for the best CM Punk WWE matches. Post any of your thoughts on this below and they will absolutely go into consideration.

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