Forever Heel Exposing Crap to Nix

Archive, Columns, News

“Come on Pulse, nix this crap.”, says Nancy.

Thanks Vince, but there are plenty of other places that cover news reports, pro-WWE nonsense, and tons of columns telling you how cool Dean Ambrose is. Don’t be a Mort, dude.

Forever Heel provides readers with something different, and from a different Pov. Any idiot can stand up for Daniel Bryan, or Undertaker, but only I have the spine to stick up for Eva Marie, and Bo Dallas (seriously fans are too stupid to boo him. It’s not his fault). Every dip-crap can tell NXT is a good show, but unlike a lot of WWE marks, I don’t start rubbing my junk when Adrian Neville shows up. Yeah I said it, you got Kenta on your mind.

Beside being something different, Forever Heel exposes the rampant corruption in pro-wrestling. I told you all that Daniel Bryan would “lose his smile”, when he found out he was facing Kane. Bryan had no intention of letting poor Kane win the belt fairly, because Bryan is a poorsport that has run from every opponent he’s ever faced, just like his mentor, HBK. If it was for Miz going to bat for Bryan, Daniel would be wrestling in a six-sided ring.

Forever Heel tells it like it is, and it’s not my fault that Dixie Carter and TNA are giving WWE more competition than they can handle. TNA is just coming off a hot feud between The Harvey Boys and Team 30. TNA also has better storylines, like the rise of the Aces & 8’s. A powerful stable of rookies, guys that are too proud to retire, and Bully Ray. You also can’t criticize them for the way they utilize their talent. The Bromans, and Ken Anderson fight hard to keep their spots. Don’t even lie about how intense and interested Bobby Lashley is at staying TNA champ. That man loves this sport probably as much as the great Bill Goldberg does.

You also can’t blame Forever Heel for standing up for Vince Russo. The man is the Shakespeare of pro-wrestling. He saved WWE, he nearly saved WCW. It’s a little known fact that AOL was going to make WCW their centerpiece show, but backed out when they heard Russo was no longer with WCW. He’s the man who gave us a sex addicted incestuous Mark Henry, and wrote the storyline which showed the entire WCW roster eventually turn heel on DDP. It doesn’t matter why Kanyon and Hugh Morris turned on Page, because Mike Awesome changed gimmicks again. TNA has been brought to the brink of failure many times, and each time Russo saves them. He’s the man behind having Dvon’s own children beat down their father, and probably brought the great Claire Lynch into TNA. Yah Claire.

I know my critics better than most because I drive by a trailer park everyday on my way to work. I feel your pain, and have had similar pains. I once had to drive a pickup truck, and it was awful. I experienced what it was like to be an ignorant inbred driving around bum-fart Pennsylvania. I’m like you guys except I’m not the father of my nephew. By the way, would it kill you guys to get in a few sit-ups before you take your selfies? I’m sick of being bullied by fat guys, thanks.

Heel of the Week: I missed all wrestling this week, but I’ll go with Fandango. He’s still around right? Cool.

Top Nerds in Wrestling

5) Harvey Whippleman

4) Jamison

3) Alexandra York

2) Daniel Bryan

1) AJ Lee.

CH Punk comes from Beverly Hills, California; but considers himself a citizen of the World. Punk also turned heel at age 5, after receiving a LJN Iron Sheik figure for Christmas. On that day he vowed he would stuff his Sheik figure up Hulk Hogan's nose, to ruin Hulkamania. By 1995 Hogan had already ruined it without CH's help.