The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW – 10.02.95
I really like this three-a-week pace. That’s the speed they should have been adding them at all along.
Ad roulette: Nothing tonight, not even a WWE Network logo.
Taped from Grand Rapids, MI
Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Jerry Lawler
Razor Ramon v. 1-2-3 Kid
The Kid’s slow heel turn continues rolling along. Kid evades Ramon and throws kicks in the corner, but walks into a blockbuster slam that gets two. Kid with an enzuigiri for two, but Ramon dumps him while Dean Douglas takes notes. New HD technology reveals that the note says “Get a certified check from Paul Heyman.” Ramon makes a comeback while I’m trying to think up that joke and pins the Kid with a lariat out of nowhere at 2:55. However, the Kid hasn’t had enough yet, so Ramon continues throwing him around and puts him in an abdominal stretch and slaps him around like an old-timey wrestling policeman or something. We take a break and return with Ramon still beating on him, having apparently pinned him a second time during the commercial. Ramon with a superplex and pins him a third time with a small package at 8:20 to finally end it. This finally is enough for Kid to admit defeat, although he then tries a schoolboy on Ramon and only gets two. But hey, now they’re OK! Not really a match, just kind of an extended angle.
Hunter Hearst Helmsley v. Barry Horowitz
The announcers talk up Hunter’s undefeated streak, as even back in 1995 you couldn’t get the guy to job. Also, apparently last week’s RAW was the highest rated ever, showing early on how the Monday Night Wars were actually helping both shows before Vince stopped giving a shit for about two years. Hunter pounds away in the corner and bows a lot, but Barry comes back with a sunset flip for two. Hunter stomps him down and chokes away, but Barry comes back again and gets an abdominal stretch into a rollup for two. He fires away with forearms, but puts his head down and it’s KICK WHAM PEDIGREE at 5:32. Barry was in a nice place where he wasn’t winning matches, but wasn’t so much of a jobber and could get fans into the matches by making his comebacks believable. **
PG-13 v. Sonny Rogers & Al Brown
I literally do not remember this happening. They’re named as the USWA tag champions by Vince and everything! Nice legsweep and dropkick double-team on Rogers and a bad Hart Attack follows as they do an inset promo about the Smoking Gunns. The other jobber comes in, but misses a charge and gets suplexed by Wolfie D. JC Ice distracts the ref while Wolfie bulldogs Brown off the top for two. Wolfie slams Ice onto Brown to finish at 3:50. Pretty good squash for the Memphis guys, although the gimmick was actually a little too far ahead of the curve in the WWF. Did this lead to anything? I seriously don’t even remember them being around before 97 with the Nation.
Jean-Pierre Lafitte v. Bret Hart
Lafitte attacks in the corner and puts Bret down with a clothesline, but they fight to the floor and Bret runs him into the stairs. Back in, Bret with a clothesline off the middle rope for two. Lafitte controls with a chinlock and reverses a hiptoss into a lariat, then follows with a flying headbutt for two. Lafitte pounds away, but Bret catches him with a small package for two, only to get clotheslined down again while we take a break. Back with Lafitte dropping a leg for two. Backdrop suplex and Lafitte goes up, but misses a flying legdrop. He keeps coming with a flying forearm for two and they brawl to the floor, where Bret gets run into the stairs in dramatic fashion. Lawler thinks that’s just terrific. Back in, Bret reverses a suplex and comes back with the FIVE MOVES OF DOOM, but Pierre puts him down with a Regal roll for two. They slug it out and Pierre cuts him off again with a backdrop suplex to set up the Cannonball, but Bret was FAKING and brings him down with a superplex before finishing with the Sharpshooter at 14:01. And unless I’m mistaken, that was about it for the pirate. ***3/4 Jerry Lawler yelling and screaming with horror at Bret’s comebacks is the kind of character touch and passion that’s sorely lacking from today’s mechanically produced product. Finally Bret has had enough of Lawler’s bullshit and attacks him, but Big Daddy Dentist lays Bret out to set up a cage match “in several weeks on RAW” according to Vince.
Next week: Undertaker, Shawn & Diesel v. Yokozuna, Owen Hart & British Bulldog! That’s where Mabel breaks Undertaker’s face, isn’t it?
Tags: Hunter Hearst-Helmsley, PG-13, SmarK Rants, SmarK WWE Network Raw Rant