Forever Heel’s Countdown to Rusevfest, or Hell in the Cell. Whatever.I


Okay before you all power-bomb me, I haven’t forgot about my Dungeon of Doom profile. It slipped my mind that HitC was this weekend. So I have to school you all on what I see from my boxed seats in the Heel Section. I know Sunday will be exciting because Stephanie McMahon had Rusev kill an American solder over this event. I’m also excited to see the return of Taz, who won’t be there. We can only hope that this will be the event that sets Cena on the road to WrestleMania.


I want to focus on how Miz was screwed out of the US Belt last Monday. I mean Miz beat Sheamus in the middle of the ring 1-2-3, on RAW? Yes he did. I call bullshit on the Authority’s authority when it comes to Miz. Miz is only one man, and he’s proved himself.  I think Sunday is Miz’s time to win the USA Belt. For one night, and then lose it, and then he’ll attack Mizdow. It doesn’t matter really because Miz and Sheamus haven’t been relevant since 2012.

Hopefully Rusev will finally shut-up The Big Show. I’m a proud American, but Big Show’s bullying has gone too far. Rusev has done nothing to deserve these surprise sucker punches from Big Show. This is typical of Show, he used to bully around Scott Hall and Kevin Nash when he was in WCW. He even used to tease Hall about never winning the big belts, and Hall would cry. Those kind of hi-jinks will end on Sunday when Rusev knocks out Show and drapes the pretty flag of Russia over Big Slow.


Speaking of unfair. Paige Vs AJ are having a match. I’m sure AJ will win because CM Punk will return and GTO Paige. We all know Phil leaving was a giant work?

Nikki Bella will take on Brie Bella. I guess the loser will be the winner’s assistant? Hopefully Nikki will show that bitch Brie, that you don’t screw with Stephanie. I can’t wait for Monday night so we can all laugh at Brie.

Dolph Ziggler will also be defending the IC Belt against a real American hero, in Cesaro. I doubt we can trust Ziggler to do the right thing and lay down for Cesaro? I’m confident Cesaro will beat the snot out of that blond cripple, and Ziggler will be leaving Dallas in a wheelchair.

The Tag Titles will be up for grabs as The Dust Brothers are forced to put their belts up against Rock’s cousins. You can’t tell me that WWE doesn’t favor Samoans, over decent men from Texas. Gold and Stardust will have somewhat of a hometown advantage, but last time I checked Dallas isn’t the best place for quasi ambiguous gimmicks. Goldust came to Hollywood in 1996 because he got sick of having to look at inbreds from Dallas. I’m not sure about Stardust though. That guy’s kind of weird.

Seth Rollins doesn’t have to put up his MitB briefcase on the line against Ambrose. Thank God. Ever since Samoan Diesel hurt himself, Ambrose has been trying to steal a top spot. He isn’t in Rollin’s league. Rollins came from Ring of Honor, and was the best wrestler to ever join their roster. The rest of ROH is a history of faceless nobodies. Meanwhile Dean Ambrose is working his way to the top be putting needles through his cheeks in death matches. If this match was just promos then yes Ambrose would win, but this is a Hell in the Cell match. Ambrose is out of his league here because unlike CZW, WWE cages don’t allow you to bleed.

Now for the Main Event. Cena Vs Orton is like our age’s Flair Vs Steamboat. I’m pulling for Cena here because I can;t wait to see him break Flair’s title count. Flair never had a good match because he was lazy and never worked on his physique. Where as Hogan’s body looked so great that you’d swear he had some help. I mean where did he get the time to workout and look like that? Anyway all i’m saying is that Cena takes his body seriously, therefore he takes wrestling seriously. Besides Orton only has like five moves, and I’m sick of him being champ all the time. I don’t know why Randy won’t just thank Seth for this opportunity? I mean Cena’s going to totally win, but Randy could be a little gracious.

Your Heel of the Week is: Rusev for attacking an American solder, and Seth Rollins for showing how much he values his friends in the Authority.

Top Five Wrestlers that shouldn’t be in a tag team

5) Steve Austin

4) Head

3) Miz

2) HBK

1) Bad News Brown

CH Punk comes from Beverly Hills, California; but considers himself a citizen of the World. Punk also turned heel at age 5, after receiving a LJN Iron Sheik figure for Christmas. On that day he vowed he would stuff his Sheik figure up Hulk Hogan's nose, to ruin Hulkamania. By 1995 Hogan had already ruined it without CH's help.