Forever Heel: The True Story Behind the Dungeon of Doom.

Most people believe the Dungeon of Doom was just a cheesy heel faction, but what if I told you those cheesy gimmicks were all real?

 

I’m not lying when I say I was stunned to find out that Doom Island is a real place, and there’s a dungeon there too.  I discovered the dungeon is full of the rotting bones of deceased fat wrestlers, that failed in their effort to defeat the ancient spirit of Hulkamania. I’m not joking here the DOD was actually the brainchild of The Master, and his apostle Kevin Sullivan. Here let me show you…

 

After the death of André the Giant, Inigo Montoya raised Andre’s son. The boy was named Paul and he would grow to be a giant. The problem was the young giant began to listen to Kevin Sullivan. Sullivan convinced Paul to leave for Doom Island, and be trained in the ways of Heenanism. (Note, Heenanism is the only power capable of destroying Hulkamania) Paul decided to leave after Sullivan promised he would make The Giant the WCW World Heavyweight champ.

After bringing The Giant to Doom Island, the Master declared Kevin Sullivan, “The Taskmaster”. Sullivan’s next student would need to be far more basic and easy to manipulate.

Kamala returned to Deepest Darkest Africa, after his tour with the WWE. It was good to be home, but Kamala missed his friends like Kim Chee, and Harvey. What Kamala missed the most was coconuts. He was willing to do anything for just one more coconut. He was depressed and could think of nothing else but the shell skinned fruit. One day the Taskmaster came to Kamala and asked him to join the battle against Hulkamania. At first Kamala was weary of facing Hogan again, but Sullivan promised infinite coconuts. Kamala quickly shook hands with Sullivan, and headed straight to Doom Island.

John Tenta had nearly killed Hulk Hogan, but failed. Tenta knew it was time to retire to his home in Orlando. John lived well for months until one day when he began craving Dolphin and Seal meat. He couldn’t explain it, but it was all he wanted. John began to develope traits that seemed to match with a shark’s. Knowing that he was becoming a human shark, Tenta took a job at Universal Studios Orlando at their Jaws exhibit. Tenta loved playing a shark for all passing trams that went through the theme park. The problem was that Tenta began eating the tourists. Eventually he’d be captured by WCW Special Forces, and quietly let go in the ocean. Tenta would swim to Doom Island. When he reached the shore, he fell at the feet of Taskmaster, who declared him “The Shark”.

We’ve been wrong this whole time. The Dungeon of Doom wasn’t just a bunch of cornball goofs, but a well oiled machine of darkness, and ruin. There’s others too, Yeti was actually an ancient Heenanist, and Zodiac was actually a humble bag boy who turned himself into an evil bag boy of all that is evil. Basically Zodiac carries all the DOD’s bags, but he’s evil.

The Heel of the Week is Seth Rollin’s brother-in-law, Garth Danik. I actually can’t get my DVR to record RAW, so I’ll have to read the recaps next week.

 

Top 5 DOD Members

5) Z-Gangsta

4)Ultimate Solution

3) Big Bubba

2) Jimmy Hart

1)The Yeti

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