That Being Said: TNA’s First Show On Destination America (Impact 01.07.2015)

Welcome to “That Being Said”. Nothing says “holiday break is over” like having to cover TNA. I caved to pressure after reviewing TNA’s last show on SPIKE TV. This is technically the next episode I guess, since TNA just ran “Best Of” specials for the time in between. The most surprising part of that last episode was how much of it I didn’t find bad at all. Of course, the stuff I enjoyed was definitely not the main focus of the show, and the main focus of the show was pretty painful, but it’s TNA. I’ll take what I can get.

After tonight, the show moves to Fridays – there is absolutely no fucking way I’m going to be covering this show on a Friday night, but depending how this goes I may decide to download the shows after the fact and cover it after it happens, like our friend David Spain does with SmackDown. The only problem with that is having to compete with Spain. That guy doesn’t look old enough to drive at night and yet he churns out genius stuff.

If I do decide to do it though, no promises on how long it’ll last. I’m guessing Pulse will let me cover however regularly or sporadically I like though though. They haven’t been able to find a regular TNA recapper in years. I don’t even think they bother to look anymore. I can’t say I blame them.

Tonight’s debut on Destination America is live, with the main event being Bobby Lashley defending the World Title against Bobby Roode. Obviously it’s going to be amazing because RAW was apparently terrible, and everyone knows that wresting is like a see-saw and if one company is horrible, it means the other is automatically awesome. All TNA fans know that.

I’m going to try not to go into long pre-ambles before these things start. I can be bad for that. But I may say a quick word at the start of these things…

 

WWE / TNA “Competition

I had a lovely snippet where I was going to ask everyone their opinion on something, but instead, when I was looking for info on what’s happening for tonight’s show, I saw this – this is a Dixie Carter quote from last month in the Huffington Post, responding to Vince McMahon’s assertion that TNA is not their competition:

“Well, I think it’s ridiculous to say that we’re not competition. If we weren’t competition they wouldn’t try to stop our growth at every turn. We’re both wrestling companies and so competing for the same networks internationally and the same ticket sales globally and therefore you are competitors but all we can do is focus on what we do best. My big focus for 2015 is to further distinguish our product from anybody else’s out there. What can we do better and what have we been doing great that we can take to another level. We’re going to be announcing in the coming weeks some realty exciting changes to our show and that’s a big part – trying to make our brand much more distinctive than not just WWE but other wrestling companies around the world.”

Yes. Imagine that. Vince McMahon had the GALL to try and stop TNA’s growth. Why can’t he just let them be? Why can’t he just let Dixie make her product more “distinctive” and “further distinguish” their product from WWE? That’s all the want to do.

Except for that time Dixie tried to program directly opposite WWE on Monday Nights before getting her shit kicked back in. Or that time Hulk Hogan said TNA was going to put Vince out of business. Or that time TNA ripped off the Undertaker return videos. Or that time they tried that passive-agressive “Wrestling Matters” slogan when WWE strayed from the term “wrestling”. Or that time they made a big deal of putting billboards up in the same neighbourhood as WWE’s corporate office. Or that time that TNA “invaded” WWE’s catering.

 

Hey. Dixie.

I know people like me make fun of TNA a lot. I don’t do it to be a dick… I’m not going to lie and pretend it isn’t fun at times, but I also do it because I legitimately feel it’s justified, and no one wanted TNA to succeed more than I did for those 5-8 years that I found WWE almost completely unwatchable and barely ever watched. I gave you lots of credit where I felt it was due. But you let everyone down. WAY too many times.

“Differentiate” and “distinguish” from WWE? Are you fucking kidding me? Look at all that shit up there you did.

I got nothing against you. In fact, my friend Swayze thinks you’re pretty hot. I’m not really willing to go any farther than “looks good for her age with enough makeup”, but none of the things I’ve said against TNA are attacks against you. People say you’re a “clueless money mark”. I don’t think you’re clueless at all, and you have to have money to be a money mark – so, if anything, your dad is the money mark. I’ve looked at what you’ve done outside of wrestling, and it’s impressive. Very impressive. And, I think you are amazing at PR. I don’t even think the fact that you can’t seem to deliver on what you promise is necessarily your fault. Maybe you listen to the wrong people. I don’t know. I don’t even want to know. What I do know is that it hasn’t worked.

 

What I also know is that a lot of people are making fun of you for having to run to a network without national coverage that cuts your potential viewing audience in half. Let me just say, I don’t want anyone in wrestling (or anywhere) to be unemployed, so as happy as I am that TNA DID find a home, I also think you’re incredibly lucky to be getting a shot on TV again at all. It’s amazing to me how many shots you’ve had. And although pattern recognition, statistics, general logic and reasoning all prevent me from believing this time is going to be different than the last time you went on this kind of blitz, another shot at bat is still another shot at bat, and it’s never too late until it is.

Moses and Jesus are playing golf. Moses steps up to the tee and hits a beautiful shot 250 yards straight down the middle of the fairway. Jesus steps up to the tee and hooks the ball into the trees. Jesus looks up into the heavens, raises his arms, and suddenly the sky darkens. A thunder clap rings out, rain pours down, and a stream rises among the trees. The golf ball floating on top finds its way into the mouth of a fish. Then a bird flies down and takes the fish and the ball out over the green, drops it in the cup for a hole-in-one. Jesus turns to Moses with a satisfied grin, and Moses says, “Look. You wanna play golf or you wanna fuck around?”

You really want to distinguish and differentiate your product from WWE? That would be awesome. That’s the one thing – the ONLY thing – I ever thought TNA needed to do. And I thought you had the wrestlers to do it. I didn’t think it would let you beat WWE, but I don’t really care about beating WWE, and neither should you.

What I’d like – and what I think a lot of people would like – is an alternative product. For people who like WWE or otherwise. It would be better for everyone. Including WWE. But especially you.

So, that being said… do you REALLY want to further differentiate your product from WWE? Because you’ve said this before. And every time you say it, you do something (or multiple things) to prove that you really don’t.

Just do me a favour. If you’re not going to actually deliver on what you promise this time… stop promising. Because all you’re doing is setting your own fans up for disappointment. I gave up on believing that song and dance after the first few times you said it, but for how violently your fans will defend your show, which I’ve been on the receiving end of many times… although I don’t agree with a lot of them, I can tell you that they do NOT deserve to be fucked around, let alone more than they already have.

So. Do you wanna play golf or do you wanna fuck around?

 

IMPACT WRESTLING: WHY I’M GLAD THERE’S A LIQUOR STORE AROUND THE BLOCK

Seriously. I got a beer right here on the desk. If Widro wants me to curse in between names of wrestlers and wrestling moves, I need to be in peak tipsy condition.

This show is apparently taking place in New York City at the Manhattan Centre. I love that place. One of my favourite arenas. Good move by TNA.

New set, new ring new everything. Tough to take it all in at once, but appears to be a definite improvement. Good move by TNA.

Video package has all the TNA wrestlers riding on a bus, and arriving at the Manhatten Centre while some hip-hop plays in the background. They say it’s a new day and a fresh start, but they haven’t forgotten who they are or where they came from. This was actually quite well done until all the wrestlers started brawling in the parking lot and through the arena for no reason.

This spills over into the arena, where everyone is chanting TNA. We are welcomed to the NEW TNA on Destination America by Taz and Mike Tena… I’m sorry. Where is Mike Tenay? Okay. That Josh Matthews guy has apparently taken his place at commentary. Awesome. Nothing says “let’s differentiate ourselves from WWE” like replacing your TNA commentator with a long-time WWE commentator.

A huge brawl is an odd choice, but maybe I just don’t know why all these guys are brawling because I’m out of the loop. I saw the Hardys, The Wolves, Joe, Abyss, and a lot of guys I didn’t know. The fans are chanting “this is awesome”, so at least the crowd is riled up. I don’t really see what’s so good about any of this, but a good crowd will help out this show a lot. Some people are actually chanting for Bobby Roode. I didn’t realize NYC’s threshold for entertainment was that low.

Kurt Angle comes out and yells “WHAT ARE YOU DOING” at security, and that security should let the wrestlers fight, because this is the Manhattan Centre. Kurt Angle asks if the fans want this to continue, and they cheer – Kurt Angle calls for Low Ki, who is the X Division champion, and tells him he’s defending his title. He says Taryn Terrell is defending the Knockouts Title as well, and that Abyss and Storm are defending their Tag-Team Titles tonight. He calls for Roode, and confirms Roode .vs. Lashley (for the third time, apparently) for the title. Kurt says he expects this to be match of the year.

MVP comes into the ring, and asks Kurt something that I can’t make out, because they are censoring the crowd chanting “SHUT THE FUCK UP”, and the censors are hitting at kind of key points during the speech. Guess I can’t really fault them for that. MVP dares Kurt to hit him from behind, Kurt does nothing. MVP mocks him for a good 2 minutes, and Kurt says he stepped down as Executive Director effective after making the matches, but as of 15 minutes ago he’s an active wrestler for TNA again (… okay, that timeline doesn’t work)  and that he’s fighting MVP in a street fight. He decks him in the face and takes off his jacket. Whatever I have to say, crowd has gone apeshit for this whole thing so far.

Exciting intro I suppose, despite that it didn’t make a lot of sense.

SWAYZE: Something is wrong with MVP’s pants. Perhaps TNA cant afford to make two pant legs for him. However, I guess all the crowd participation was fun to start off with. Like, everyone is waiting for some matches and then suddenly all the wrestlers are rioting in the arena. I’m not sure where any of that is going, but I’m not sure TNA cares anymore about anything except getting to the end of the show.

Commercial. The shows promoted on this Destination America are why other countries are beating us. There’s literally a reality series about New Kids On The Block on a boat.

One commercial for Impact has the slogan “Brace Yourselves For Impact”, which is actually a cool slogan. How had no one thought of that before?

 

Street Fight
Kurt Angle .vs. MVP

Back from break, MVP is in control after a rake of the eyes and a couple clotheslines. Kurt tries to fight out of a hold, but MVP stays in control with a nice armbar. Huge “let’s go Angle” chant breaking out, and Angle escapes and hits a rolling German suplex – 3 of them. MVP blocks the Angle Slam, and does a lame move that gets him back into control with a submission. MVP takes his shirt off, and the dude does not look in super great shape. He wraps Angle’s leg around the legpost.

Now the crowd is chanting “MV Pussy” (I love New York) but it’s making TNA censor the commentary, which sounds weird. No way around that though, I guess. MVP smashes Angle’s leg with a chair, and Angle is down. MVP gets him in the ring and tries to get a couple pins, but fails. Crowd is now chanting “MV Penis” which apparently isn’t dirty enough to get censored. Kurt reverses a move and gets MVP in the Angle Lock, but MVP does a cool counter this time to get Kurt down into a choke. MVP is more of a chain submission wrestler now than I remember – some of his stuff works quite well. Angle reverses again to the Angle lock, and the crowd chants at MVP to tap. MVP reverses the hold, and tries a charge, but Kurt dodges, hits the Angle Slam and gets the pin.

Winner: Kurt Angle

Nothing to set the world on fire, but an exciting enough match to start the show. Crowd chants “you still got it”. Which is cool until you consider they’d be screaming for his blood and calling him a has-been if HHH had returned his calls. Again, crowd was really into this – lots of drinking going on in Manhattan right now, and always.

Commercial. There’s a show about a family who runs a mortuary but are also professional wrestlers. One kid hands out a pamphlet to a grieving family at a funeral that’s advertising the family’s wrestling show. I mean… words elude me on that one. What do you even say.

 

Backstage, MVP is yelling at Kenny King for not helping him against Kurt Angle. Kenny King says he was with a girl. MVP is off to yell at Lashley or something.

Taz and Tenay talk about the “new world” in TNA. They talk about Dixie “pulling the curtain back like never before” and “the cameras will be literally everywhere” and HOLY FUCK NOT THIS 24/7 BULLSHIT AGAIN THEY DID THIS JERK-OFF SHIT TWO YEARS AGO AND IT WAS A JOKE.

This EC3 loser is with Brodus Clay, talking about how important he is. He says he made a commitment 9 months ago to take out Rockstar Spud… I’m sorry, but this has taken NINE MONTHS? He says he’s going to take him apart piece-by-piece, and Brodus holds up the piece of Spud’s hair that he cut off on the last show I recapped. Right. Tenay said this guy had “stolen his soul” via this unwanted haircut, so he’s Shang Tsung. If Shang Tsung were an unlicensed barber.

Josh Matthews assures us that Mike Tenay, who he’s replaced, is not going anywhere. Mike Tenay then shows up, and says he’s hosting a new show that’s called “BEYOND IMPACT” that’s going behind the scenes. He gives us a sample, and shows us an interview with James Storm, talking about his new stable called The Revolution. That’s… the opposite of behind the scenes. Anyway, this was really lame. Storm does some whistling thing at the end that’s supposed to be creepy. Seems a lot like…

SWAYZE: Storm is Bray Wyatt now?

… exactly. Sorry, TNA people. If it was just a creepy stable, I’d have let it go, but it was the speech and the whistle at the end that makes this a lot to swallow. So, fine, he’s a cowboy Wyatt instead of regular Swamp Wyatt, but it’s kinda the same thing. I know you’re probably happy that your totally invalid claim of WWE stealing your “black guy stable” idea has been upgraded to the very valid claim of “WWE’s black guy stable is the most racist thing I’ve ever seen, ours is just a regular black guy stable”, and I’m happy to give you that point. But you gotta admit, this Storm stable is at least a bit of a Wyatt ripoff.

Storm’s stable comes out… I see Abyss, that Manik guy that was part of that really good X-Division match from last episode, and some other wrestler in blue facepaint that I’m not familiar with. So, I guess that’s The Revolution. They weren’t on the last episode. They’re supposed to fight The Wolves, and Matt & Jeff Hardy come out before the match starts. I was not aware Matt was back in TNA. Is he still fucked up and seeing ghosts on YouTube?

Commercial.

 

TNA World Tag-Team Title Match
James Storm & Abyss .vs. The Wolves

Stupid gimmicks aside, this match could be good. Match starts, and Storm gets tossed to the outside by the Wolves, before the Wolves hit 4 suicide dives to the outside, one after the other. It was really well done, and it got the crowd going APESHIT and chanting “TNA”. The Wolves double-team Storm in the ring with some cool offence, but can only get a 2-count. Abyss pulls one of the Wolves out (I’ve forgotten how to differentiate them, sorry) and chokeslams one onto the apron. Another cool move. Storm slaps the other around in the corner. Wolves make a tag – and okay, it’s Edwards in there now, and he takes Abyss and Storm out before falling victim to some double-teaming.

Eddie dodges some moves and starts fighting back, hitting a cool stunner-looking move on Storm for 2. Abyss gets both Wolves into a chokeslam, but they do a flip before they hit the ground, which was also really cool, and they double-kick Abyss. “This Is Awesome” chant starts, and the Wolves continue to run circles around Storm & Abyss. Nice touch that these guys have been mostly dominant against the heels. Double-stomp onto Storm by Davey, and Eddie goes for a pin but just gets 2. “Wolves” chant starts.

The Revolution guys on the outside distract the Wolves, allowing Storm & Abyss to hit their finish, but they only get 2 on Eddie. Davey comes in and tries the Tajiri backflips off the rope, but Abyss catches him and hits a torture-rack drop, which was another really cool spot. Eddie comes in and kicks him in the face. The Revolution guys on the outside get involved again, and The Hardys come in to stop them. For some reason no one is getting DQ’d, and Abyss knocks Matt Hardy to the outside. Jeff Hardy goes after Abyss, but gets knocked with Storm’s cowboy bell into one of the Wolves. Hardy gets taken out, and the Wolves are pinned.

Winners & Still TNA Tag-Team Champions: James Storm & Abyss

Wolves are pissed at the Hardys. Hardys leave. I thought this was a really decent tag-team match, especially by TV standards. I kind like that they have the Hardys in the tag division and not as a main focus of the show.

Roode / Lashley I video package. I guess they got video packages for all 3 matches they’ve had so far. Doesn’t seem like overly exciting stuff, but showing packages of all 3 matches separately is a nice touch.

EC3 is on his way to the ring, and he grabs a camera and says he needs it covered at ALL ANGLES. Oooooh, how “behind the scenes”. I feel so insider right now. Anyone remember how well Impact 24/7 went over? Apparently Dixie Carter doesn’t.

Commercial. There’s a reality show called THE HAUNTING, that is not actually filmed as a reality show. They re-enact the ghost situations that they claim actually happened. Like holy fuck.

SWAYZE: AH KNEW… 100% FER CERTAIN… MAH HOUSE WAS HAUNTED!

 

Back from commercial, they show highlights from the top of the show and the brawl. 53 minutes in until they replayed something from this exact show. So THAT is something TNA has on WWE, at least.

Backstage, MVP is making fun of Lashley. He’s taking credit for his MMA career (?). Lashley has enough and pushes him up against the wall. Kenny King tries to calm them both down. Lashley says this is about getting his title back. MVP is mad that Lash touched him, and he tells King to leave with him. They do. They wish Lashley luck tonight.

Jeremy Borash is in the ring talking about how he’s been with TNA since day 1, and how excited he is about being on Destination America. IT’S HAUNTED JB, YOU FOOL! WE KNOW FOR CERTAIN! GET OUT OF THERE NOW! Anyway, he’s interrupted by EC3, and he’s surprised, except that EC3 already told everyone he was going to the ring.

This EC3 guy starts to talk, and he is Ken Anderson levels of atrocious. Apparently he’s been unbeaten for 15 months, and 2015 is the year he becomes TNA World Heavyweight Champion. Seems like something TNA would do. The crowd chants “YOU CAN’T WRESTLE” and he goes up to a guy chanting and says “excuse me” and the guys says “YOU CAN’T WRESTLE” and then EC3 says “I disagree!” … okay, I will admit that was kind of awesome. EC3 tells JB that he’s sorry JB’s family died when he slapped him (what the fuck, he said something like this last time too) – then he goes right back to being boring and lame, and the crowd is doing a duelling chant of “YOU CAN’T WRESTLE / YES HE CAN”. Weird.

Crowd is now chanting “WE WANT SPUD”. Brodus… or “Tyrus” I guess, has already beaten him up backstage and is now carrying him to the ring. Spud is trying to fight back, but Tyrus just keeps tossing him around. He throws him in the ring, and EC3 talks about taking his hair. Now he’s going to “finish the job” and says “let the scalping begin”. Why is it all about the hair with this guy? Borash says “don’t you think you’ve done enough”… yes, THIS is the line that must not be crossed. Haircut-related assaults. THAT is where we can’t fall back. THIS FAR, BUT NO FARTHER! WE WILL MAKE YOU PAY FOR WHAT YOU’VE DONE!

Borash slaps EC3 and Brodus grabs him. Tyrus splashes Borash in the corner, and Spud reacts like EC3 just killed HIS family. Jesus Christ almighty.

EC3 says there’s been a change of plans – he drags Borash into the ring, and shaves off some of HIS hair while Spud screams as if Borash is being decapitated on Al Jazeera. Much like last episode, this is one of the stupidest fucking things I’ve ever seen. I can’t believe it got like 10 minutes. You know how TNA fans like to make fun of WWE’s Adam Rose and that fucking bunny? This is actually worse. The difference is, Adam Rose and the fucking bunny never got into a main segment, it’s never been 10 minutes, and it has never once been replayed on the show. So you maybe should abandon that bunny talking point. I’m just saying.

Backstage, MVP says he is fed up with Lashley and with TNA. MVP apparently has a new plan.

Commercial.

 

Back from commercial, they replay Spud / Tyrus / Borash / EC3 stuff that just happened. So basically I lied about TNA being less painful on replays than WWE.

They show a video package for Roode / Lashley II. They then X-Division video package, which is incredibly well-done. Makes you forget that they totally destroyed the division for the past 6 years.

TNA X-Division Title Match
Low Ki .vs. Austin Aries

I love Low Ki, but I do not love that new ring attire. This should be a cool match though. Hey, Earl Hebner is still alive. And in TNA. So basically Earl Hebner is not as alive as he once was. They dance around for a bit, and the crowd chants “this is wrestling” before any wrestling happens. They lock up, and Aries hits a couple armlocks as the crowd goes into cool duelling chants before Low Ki flips around and escapes. Low Ki then hits some armlocks, but then Aries flips around, escapes, and hits a headlock. Low Ki leapfrogs a charge and hits a hold, but Aries does his usual cool escape and kicks Ki in the face. Low Ki with some chops, and then does a really cool springboard and back dropkick combo that I’ve never seen.

Low Ki gets tossed out of the ring, and Aries does his amazing dive through the bottom two ropes, but eats a giant awesome kick from Ki. Mathews says this is why he signed up to commentate Impact Wrestling. Aries takes control with some elbows, but Ki takes Aries down with some kicks. Aries takes Ki down into the corner, then hits his awesome dives through the bottom two ropes, successfully this time. Crowd is chanting “holy shit” – Aries hits a great missile dropkick from the top rope, and Aries hits a sick dropkick into the corner. Aries goes for the Brainbuster, but Low Ki counters into his submission that Matthews is now calling “Bite Of The Dragon”. Aries gets to the ropes.

Duelling chants again, and both guys head to the turnbuckles and volley up the ropes. Ki gets knocked off, but jumps back up and kicks Aries in the head, then in the chest to knock him off. Ki goes all the way up top, but Aries hits a dropkick and an elbow to take him off the ropes, then hits the Brainbuster. 3-count gets him the win.

Winner & New X-Division Champion: Austin Aries

That was an awesome match. Not sure if it beats out the tag or not, but definitely worth tracking down. Great job by both guys.

Commercial. No man should have to see the amount of GEICO commercials I’ve seen while doing this.

 

So, this awesome DJZ guy comes out who was in that X-Division match from last episode, with The Horrible Beautiful People. They welcome back Robbie E, who was apparently on some reality show. There’s an assload of girls in the ring right now, so maybe The Beautiful People are more… people… than I remember? And wasn’t that one bitch hypnotized and drug-raped by that time-travelling British girl? She’s doing quite well, considering. Robbie E goes on some speech about how he dumped some ex-girlfriend who was on some reality show with, and then this Terryn Terrell girl comes out.

TNA Knockouts Battle Royal
Taryn Terrrell .vs. … Lots Of Knockouts

I’m sorry. The header isn’t intentional. I recognize a couple of these girls, but not most of them. I’m not looking them up. I remember a 3-way between Kim, Terrell and Havok being really good last time, but not sure how good Terrell is.  I didn’t realize that this was a Battle Royal either, until Matthews alluded to it a few minutes in. Gail Kim hits her finisher on that awesome Havok girl, while Taryn is jawing with Robbie E on the apron for some reason. Some blonde girl tries to jump her, but she gets knocked out instead. Taryn is in there with Gail & Havok and who I think is Velvet Sky.

Havok takes Gail and Taryn, and tries to toss them out, but they eludeher Missile dropkick by Gail hits Havok, and then Robbie E’s ex-girlfriend, who apparently isn’t in the match, comes out and beats up Robbie E. She chases him to the back. Some other girl is eliminated. I don’t know. Havok takes Gail out, then Taryn tosses out Havok from behind.

Winner & Still TNA Knockouts Champion: Terryn Terrell

Havok comes in after the match and settles Taryn’s hash. Lights go out, then come back, and Awesome Kong is in the ring staring down Havok. That was a dumb match and they probably should have just re-done the 3-way from last time, but this Havok girl is awesome, and I’d watch her fight Kong for sure. So that’s something. Kong chokeslammed a ref for some reason.

Commercials – lots of them for companies who can provide solid internet connections. Which is important for people who stream TNA because their cable company has never heard of Destination America.

 

TNA World Heavyweight Championship Match
Bobby Roode .vs. Bobby Lashley

Crowd is fairly silent for both of these guys’ intros. Duelling chants for both guys while they beat on each other in the corner. Elbows, shoulders, and the like. Lashley hits a suplex, and actually tries a pin, and actually gets 2. That seems early. Lashley misses a kick and an elbow, but Roode hits a headlock. Roode knocks Lashley down, and hits a hip toss. Roode counters a charge with a cross-face attempt, but Lashley gets the ropes. Roode hits the crossface from another angle, but Lashley gets to the ropes. Roode dropkicks Lashley off the apron, and hits a dive to the outside. Roode takes Lashley into the guardrail and hits some more punches and kicks. Lashley tries to fight back, but Roode hits some clotheslines.

Taz alerts us to something going on in the back, and MVP and Kenny King are letting two guys with masks in. They beat up security when security tries to stop them. Oh Jesus. What, is it Curt Hawkins & Jinder Mahal?

Commercial. This network still seems insane. These reality shows that are “re-enacting” “what actually happened” look like the dumbest thing in the history of TV or history.

Lashley is in control after the break, Roode is fighting back but keeps getting knocked down. Two restholds that Roode tries to get out of, and on the bearhug he almost succeeds…. eventually. Very eventually. Dawning-of-the-next-ice-age eventually. Roode clotheslines Lashley after Lash no-sells something, then hits a clothesline in the corner. Roode dives from the 2nd rope to hit a neckbreaker, which gets him 2. Spinebuster by Roode gets him another 2. A series of exchanges leads to Lash hitting a powerslam for 2. Lash goes for a superplex off the 2nd rope, but Roode fights out and goes for a running powerbomb, which was cool given Lash’s size, but still only gets 2. Lashley hits what’s apparently Roode’s finisher for 2. Lashley is bleeding out of his mouth for some reason, misses a charge, and Roode hits a spear for another 2.

Roode hits the Crossface again, and the masked dudes rush down. Kurt Angle rushes down as the referee gets knocked out, and Roode is surrounded. The masked men unmask… and it’s Low Ki and Samoa Joe. Alrighty then. Eric Young runs out and chases them off with a chair. Young then turns (I guess it’s a turn, who can keep up at this point) and blasts him with a chair shot. Alrighty again.

Then Lashley gets up and spears Roode. Pin.

Winner & New TNA World Heavyweight Champion: Bobby Lashley

 

Final Thoughts

TNA has had way worse shows. Especially when you factor in the “milestone” shows. This didn’t set the world on fire or anything, but the opening was a good starter and both the tag and X-Division matches were solid.The Knockout thing was atrocious but the ending with King was cool. Angle called Lashley / Roode to be MOTY, and I know a lot of TNA fans cream themselves over these matches, but I’m sorry guys, I just don’t see it. I don’t think either guy is horrible, and I’m not horribly opposed to either guy. But as a main event, that shit was boring, especially if you consider what came before it. They worked really hard to give it a big-match feel, and I actually think they succeeded, but the match fell way short of delivering, so that kinda made the effort pointless.

The “swerve” (if you can call it that, but I don’t really know what else to call it) isn’t going to get anyone excited really. Do people really want to boo Low Ki or Joe? Eric Young, I imagine people could care less.

OVERALL though – decent open, 2-3 decent matches that I imagine won over even the harshest critics, myself included, and the only full segments I’d say I wished I’d never seen were the EC3 / Spud thing and the main event. For TNA, that’s pretty good and the crowd was into this ENTIRE show regardless of anything I have to say – so for their first show on a new network (spotty regional coverage aside) I imagine TNA has every reason to be perfectly happy with the show. I mean, perspective – per capita, that percentage of RAW hasn’t been entertaining in a long time.

Oh, and the commentary was really good. I forgot to mention that during. Recapping a live show and wanting to be done during the length of that actual show, it’s tough to remember everything you want to say. So say what you want about Matthews in TNA (and a lot of it is valid for sure) but the commentary WAS a step up.

The thing is… if TNA could actually do what seems to be a few of their main stories – say, EC3 / Spud and Bobby / Bobby – with guys that actually delivered good matches – say, Aries / Low Ki and a couple of the guys in that tag match – then I think you’ve got a formula that can at least hold it’s own for the moment. Then you build on that. You can argue about the guys I selected if you like – that’s personal preference – but I can’t really see anyone sticking up for Roode and Lashley because of their personalities, characters, or in-ring abilities. So you may not agree with my choices, but I don’t think I’m being irrational in saying that maybe it should be two different guys at the top.

While it still has it’s issues, compared to a lot of TNA’s history… this ain’t bad. I mean, Jesus, compare this to some of their other “milestone” shows. Compare it to January 4, 2010. I could go on forever about that. This was fucking the Renaissance compared to that. And that’s not a typo – I don’t mean it was like “the fucking Renaissance”. I mean it was literally like if you were able to physically fuck the actual Renaissance.

 

And, no Ken Anderson! That’s awesome. I read they just re-signed that boring shit-grenade, so I was sure he’d be on there. You know, because of all his great accomplishments in TNA.

In honour of this, I actually prepared a list of Ken Anderson’s Professional Wrestling Accomplishments for you, the readers. I guess there’s no reason I can’t still post it.

Ken Anderson’s Pro Wrestling Accomplishments

 

… anyway, this has been “That Being Said”. Let me know what you thought about the show and the recap, if you were one of the few who watched it.

Not sure if I’ll keep going with this down the road or not. No way I’ll be covering live on Fridays though. Thanks for reading and I’ll see you when I see you.

BD

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