Forever Heel: You’re Fired… Until Next Week!

As I’m writing this, there are fans threatening to stop watching Raw if the Authority cheats tonight. I’m not understanding this at all. There can’t be this many people who don’t know that wrestling is fixed? I think they think winning actually matters? I blame Hunter for this because he started this “winning matters” shit, back when he was defeating the whole roster at once. Doofus son-in-law.

Anyway we also had another big nerd rage moment when The Authority fired Dolph Zloser, Tragick, and Eric Rowan Esq. The nerds claimed that Raw would lose ratings because these guys are a huge draw. Yeah because WWE uses the patented “Frank Gotch Carney Meter”, as their business model. People watch Raw because they like the show, including the morons that spew this crap. Ziggler isn’t that great. I once called him a worker, but he’s about as fun to watch as Alex Wright. It’s not like he really is as good as Mr Perfect, or Ricky Steamboat. WWE just compare Dolph to those guys because they want to get the fans to like him. So support him by buying his action figures, and pink sun glasses. Don’t pretend the guy is in Ric Flair’s league.

I’m also not seeing Ryback, or Rowan as huge draws either. I like them both okay, but I like Ambrose, and Bray more. People might actually stop watching Raw if they fired Seth, Ambrose, and Bray. I stopped watching Raw after they fired Cody. Well that was the excuse I used, I really was just bored of the whole Orton/Authority/WWE WHC storyline. Why didn’t Orton just beat Daniel Bryan with cheating? Their was no reason to bring Vacant into the feud. As for Ryback and Rowan, I think they’re funny, and not so bad. Rowan reminds me of Hacksaw, and Ryback is all goofy like Goldberg was. His win streak isn’t why he’s like Goldberg, it’s because he’s so unbadass. Ken Shamrock, and Steve Blackman were masters at the “Goofball Badass Form”, where you try too hard, and end up looking like Solomon Grundy. Sure at first you think Grundy is a scary zombie, until he starts talking like a retarded kindergartner.

Besides Big Show has been fired like 82 times since 2011, and no one sheds a tear for the master of the WMD. For God sake the man was fired after signing an ironclad contract. Mick Foley couldn’t escape being fired, and he had a brilliant loophole. He just came back as Mankind, or Dude Love after he was fired. JR’s whole career was being fired. Nobody stopped watching Raw when these guys left, and they’re way cooler than Dolph Diggler. You know who else was fired that was cooler than Dolphler? Kurt Hennig. Why? Well because, when (then WCW President) Ric Flair fired Kurt Hennig, Hennig was so badass that he didn’t acknowledge his firing, and entered himself, and Barry Windham in a WCW tag tourney. As if somehow he forgot he was fired?

The greatest wrestler in history has been fired 80 million times also. John Cena was fired two nights before his neat DVD came out, and was coming out. It was almost like WWE fired him for storyline reasons, and not because he screwed Wade Barrett out of the WWE title? Cena was also fired after he cheated on his wife with Mickie James…oh wait no, it was Mickie James who got fired. Oh that’s right Cena was fired for shoot punching Edge. Oh right, Cena got the title for that. At least Edge got to go to Smackdown, and wrestle Batista 20 million times.

The final man to be fired, and comeback the next night on Raw is Steve Austin. The night before Raw Vince McMahon fired Steve. You maybe thinking, “So what? It’s not like Austin can just break into a sold out arena for Raw.”, yes he can. Especially when you hire the Moron Squad as your corporate security. That whole episode of Raw was spent watching Vince get wheeled around in his wheelchair, while Austin lurked around the building. The final segment of that particular Raw saw Austin pointing a gun at Vince’s head, while Vince passes himself. The weird thing is this gun pointing/pissing segment took place in the ring. It was like having the Pullman/Austin gun angle in the ring. It was awkward. Firearms don’t belong in wrestling anyway.

Top Heels with a Gentleman’s Perm
5)Tracy Smothers
4) Bob Orton Jr
3) Corporal Robinson
2) Jonny Polo
1) Sid

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