Penny Candy: Sleep Dep is a Bitch (Chyna, Goldust, Stardust, HHH/Austin Podcast)

Sorry for the delay in getting this week’s Penny Candy done, but I don’t think I’ve slept more the 5 hours here and there since Saturday.

Short version; I have pets, among them some rats. My eldest, a male named Houdini, lost both his cagemate Sombre and his litter sister Masque to cancer over the winter. Houdini is over 4 years old, which is pretty good for a pet that averages a two year life span. My vet examined him and assured me that he was sterile, so to lift his spirits I put him in with my young girls Squidget and Tabetha.

She was wrong.

She was wrong.

My vet was mistaken.

Tabetha gave birth to 16 kits on Saturday, but her litter was premature, and as she’s not even a full adult herself was too small to produce enough milk for that many babies. Her entire litter died over three days. Her cagemate Squidget gave birth Monday morning to a litter of 18, whom Tabby started trying to share mommy duties with. But Tabby started trying to hoard the whole litter and two more died from being underfed. So I separated the girls, gave Tabby 3 of the kits, and left the rest with Squidgy, and everyone is finally stable and healthy. So I can FINALLY focus on writing something about wrestling.

Except there’s not much to talk about without retreading everyone else. It’s already been thoroughly discussed how WWE has pulled an audible AGAIN, how Raw felt like a blatant Mea Culpa, etc.

So because I’m utterly exhausted and struggling to think coherently, I’ll just make a few quick observations about the bits that haven’t yet been talked into the ground.

  • Chyna indubitably deserves to be in the WWE Hall of Fame, no question. Chyna will however never BE in the Hall of Fame unless she has the good fortune to die of natural causes. Because your country is still littered with repressed moral crusaders who think the world is headed straight to hell if anyone see nudity and sexuality together. As long as there’s an asterisk next to Chyna’s job history, it will never happen while she’s alive. Do I agree with this? HELL no. Porn is a job like any other and it serves a purpose. And repressing sexuality does a LOT more harm than good. Hell my fat ass has done porn. In a perfect world no one would give a rats ass about her porn work and her WRESTLING work would be the only deciding factor. But as long as America’s moral guardians still bleat their BS so loudly and threaten boycotts, Chyna will never get that shiny ring while she’s alive.
  • Contrary to what a few other Pulse regulars think, Goldust’s Twitter interactions with fans prove there IS still a fan interest in seeing the Brothers Runnels go at it on the big stage. What interests me however is the way they’re going about it though. The predictable route would have been for Cody to throw aside the Stardust schtick and claim Goldust convinced him to do it or somesuch. For Cody Rhodes to shed his disguise. So when Goldust found Stardust muttering like Brad Pitt in 12 Monkeys, and tried to get through to him by calling him Cody? It was a nice and interesting surprise to see Stardust snap at him for Deadnaming him, suggesting that, while to Dustin “Goldust” has ALWAYS been a costume, a persona to mess with opponent’s minds, Cody has lost it and believes he actually IS Stardust, and that will be the impetus for the actual impending break up.
  • Why waste the effort trying to salvage the Ascension with strong wins now? Sacrificing them to the egos of tired old men two weeks ago already ruined any lingering hope NXT fans had of seeing them properly used after the call-up, and casual fans have no reason to believe they’re legit threats to anyone. It just makes no sense.
  • As much as I hate HHH the character and desperately want him off tv forever, I can still dig HHH the person. And for as much as he said it was great that Vince decides everything at the end of the day on the main roster, his answers in the podcast with Austin painted a picture of a man who quietly knows his boss/father-in-law is hurting the company. His mentions of wishing Raw was 2 hours again, openly admitting kayfabe is dead, his non-committal response to the “Was it right to let Brock end the streak” question, and his, frankly surprising admission that he gives the NXT crew more freedom to do their thing all tell me that he knows Vince needs to step down, and tells me he should step up.
  • Am I the only one who thought Mizdow was openly trolling Miz on Raw?
  • Also, am I the only one who keeps waiting for Bray Wyatt to have one of his new awesome creepy “I am bigger than death” promos to be interrupted with a bell, and yet at the same time dreading it? The fangirl in me wants to see Taker have one last dance and pass the torch to his spiritual successor, in what SHOULD have been the streak-ending match. And yet Old Man Limping is so beat up that the practical human being in me wants him to just quietly stop coming back and enjoy the rest of his life while he can still walk upright.

See you Saturday for Allergic to Alcohol. I’m going to attempt actual real sleep now.

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