The Bachelor – The Women Tell All Review “Women Tell All, But Say Little”

This week, the women tell all! Ah, this is the episode I live for. When everyone has to awkwardly face their poor behavior while trying to audition to be the next bachelorette.

Britt

Things started off with a lot of bickering, with Britt confronting Carly and many other women chiming in as well. Obviously, there are a lot of strong feelings about Britt. Jillian really, really likes her. Carly, clearly, doesn’t.

I’m sure there’s some merit to what the women said about Britt being contradictory. But damn, does Carly ever shut up? Britt seems like a flake, but a nice flake. Carly just seems petty and mean.

Whatever, though. Weren’t we all really here to see the women unite to take down Kelsey?

Kelsey

Kelsey got into the hot seat and sobbed “I feel…sniff…like I’m…sniff…grieving all over again.” Oh man, here she goes! Kelsey is so forceful in her act, I sometimes wonder if she herself believes it. She blew her nose in Chris Harrison’s pocket square and the other women were SO grossed out. This is how you know the handkerchief has officially evolved into a pocket square, useful only for fashion.

I thought it was strange how Chris Harrison let people basically have at Britt, and interrupt and harp on how much they dislike her, yet he kept the conversation with Kelsey so controlled. She was given much more of a platform to redeem herself than Britt was, and it seemed like Chris was trying to turn Ashley I. the villain.

I was right, though. I don’t think anyone stuck up for Kelsey. She was universally disliked.

Ashley S.

Man, that interview was just as weird as Ashley’s entire run on the show. I don’t want to comment on this much because, well, what is her deal? Is it a put-on? Is she on drugs? Or…something else? I don’t think I can comfortably point and laugh, the way I can at literally everyone else on this show.

Jade

Poor Jade. She’s being so harshly judged by the people who make this show, and well, it’s this show. No one felt like admitting that going on The Bachelor is like, only two or three steps up from posing for playboy. I mean, if you were going to make a Venn diagram of Bachelor contestants and people who’ve posed nude, would Jade be the ONLY one in both circles?

Jade was the most hurt by things Chris wrote in his blog the morning after her elimination episode aired. Fair enough, but do we think Chris is actually responsible for writing those? Or do you think Jimmy Kimmel writes them for him?

Kaitlyn

Around an hour and a half in (yes, this was TWO HOURS long, as always) we heard from the woman who will inevitably be the next bachelorette, Kaitlyn. I like Kaitlyn, but do I ever find listening to people talk about being “vulnerable” and having “feelings” boring. NEXT!

Chris

Chris hit the stage and shared the Longest. Hug. Ever. with Britt. There should have been a timer on that thing, or a trap door that opened when it reached peak awkwardness. Their conversation was bland and instantly forgettable.

I was more interested in Chris’s response to Kaitlyn’s question, which was “Why did you make me go through a rose ceremony?” The answer was, basically “Because that’s the show.” But we know that not everyone always follows the rules of the show – Kaitlyn pointed out that Andi did Chris the courtesy of a (semi) private breakup. So really, the answer was “Because I’m a dope.”

I think that sums up this episode.

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