The SmarK Rant for WCW Monday Nitro – 05.06.96

The SmarK Rant for WCW Monday Nitro – 05.06.96

I decided to use my WWE Network “Thank You” credit of $25 to pick up the Best of Sting on Blu-Ray.  No idea what’s on it. But I enjoy the work of Sting and wish him to get royalties, and it was free, so there you go.

The Network is buffering and lagging like CRAZY for me the past couple of days, by the way.  It’s not even watchable on Xbox One and on Roku it stops to load for minutes.  Hopefully they get this shit fixed by Wrestlemania.

Live from Daytona Beach, FL

Your hosts are Eric Bischoff, Bobby Heenan & Mongo

Hugh Morrus v. Randy Savage

Hugh attacks on the floor and bullies Savage into the railing, then pounds away on the floor while allegedly making racist remarks.  Into the ring, Morrus steals his coat and sexually harasses people at the same time, but this upsets Savage and he writes a scathing letter to HR before choking Morrus down.  And he keeps choking until the ref calls for the DQ at about 2:00, although I don’t think there was ever really a match per se.  Savage drops the elbow of justice on Morrus and forces him to resign, and then beats the hell out of the referee as well.  STOP RINGING THE DAMN BELL.  Local law enforcement comes out to arrest Morrus for his bullshit training methods, but he’s already gone so they haul Savage away instead.

RIP, Ray Stevens.  And then he gets screwed out of his Hall of Fame spot this year.

Dean Malenko v. Jushin Liger

So apparently Shinjiro Ohtani has won the (fictitious) Cruiserweight title tournament and will be defending against someone at Slamboree.  That didn’t actually happen.  Liger is in the badass black and silver costume tonight, but he’s playing babyface.  They trade wristlocks and Liger kicks Malenko to the floor while a tuxedo-clad Ric Flair take a seat and watch the match.  Liger with a senton for two and a brainbuster for two, and we take a break.  Back with Flair spending EXORBINANT amounts of Randy Savage’s money via champagne and probably the really good coke backstage, too.  Meanwhile, Malenko works a toehold on Liger and goes to work on the leg.  Liger comes back with a spinkick and a superplex attempt, but Dean bails and Liger hits him with a dive from the top instead.  Liger tries a handspring and Dean catches him and it turns into a series of pin attempts, but Liger goes up again.  Malenko cuts him off with the EXPLODING GUTBUSTER OF DEATH and follows with a powerbomb, but Liger reverses THAT for two.  Dean with a Ligerbomb of his own to finish at 6:51.  Oh man, they were just getting into it, too!  ***1/2

Ric Flair wants us to know that he’ll be getting his title back, and don’t worry about the price of the champagne, since Randy Savage has lots of money left.  Also, Mongo’s wife will likely be in his limo afterwards, if you know what he means.

Lord Steven Regal v. Sting

Sting quickly takes him down and tries the Scorpion, but Regal makes the ropes and bails, as we take a break.  Back with Sting (in very REGAL purple and gold tonight) working a headlock and going after the arm, but Regal takes him down with his own wristlock.  Why exactly does Sting have a big “29” on his tights, by the way?  Is this some sort of football deal?  No, wait, Bischoff clarifies that it’s the number of the WCW car, which is infinitely lamer.  Sting comes back and misses the Stinger splash, but reverses a butterfly suplex for the pin at 6:45 instead.  Sting busted out some pretty inventive finishes around this time.  **1/4

WCW World title:  The Giant v. Hacksaw Duggan

Sadly, Lex Luger is having vehicle trouble and was unable to show up for the match he apparently begged for, so Duggan offered to step up.  Duggan attacks on the way into the ring and that goes nowhere, as Giant gives him the Nash choke in the corner to take over.  Giant pounds him with shoulderblocks in the corner and Duggan bails.  Back in, Giant misses a charge and Duggan goes for the tape, but the chokeslam finishes at 3:13.  A series of mega-geeks run out to try and save Duggan, and it’s CHOKESLAMS FOR EVERYONE.  Finally Flair leaves his fancy meal and cracks a chair over Giant’s head, and Sting joins him and helps to bring Giant down to set up their title match at Slamboree.  Finally after all that, Luger arrives late and has HARSH WORDS for the Giant rather than actually hitting him.  Hey, words can hurt, too.  Not as much as Luger’s ugly Zubaz wardrobe here, but they HURT.

The Pulse

All good stuff this week.

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