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Universal Studios – Orlando, Florida – March 15, 2009
MATCH #1: Six Woman Tag Team Match – Taylor Wilde, Roxxi & The Governor vs. The Beautiful People
Taylor and Velvet Sky start the match. The entire “Governor” angle was one of the worst TNA ever came up with. Speaking of Daffney, she tags in, and Velvet goes right to work on her and tags Angelina Love. Governor makes the tag to Roxxi, who quickly tags Taylor. She quickly tags Roxxi back in, and the Beautiful People take control. Madison Rayne tags in and they isolate Roxxi in their corner. Roxxi comes back with a modified spinebuster on Angelina, and both women are down. Angelina tags Madison, and Roxxi makes the hot tag to Taylor, who handles all three members of the Beautiful People. The match breaks down to a brawl, and the Governor hits a dive to the floor on Angelina and Velvet. Madison sends the Governor to the floor, and then Taylor hits Madison with a German Suplex with a bridge to get the pin at 5:04. At least it was short but it certainly didn’t seem to have much of a point.
MATCH #2: Brutus Magnus vs. Eric Young
I can’t wait to get to the DVD’s where he’s not wearing that stupid helmet anymore. For some reason Jesse Neal is the guest ring announcer. Magnus attacks Young before the bell and slugs away at him. Young comes back with a series of maneuvers culminating with a clothesline for a two-count. And then they somehow manage to blow a cross body block spot. I know I’m no wrestler but that seems pretty basic. Anyway, Magnus is back in control, wearing Young down. Magnus hits a powerbomb and goes up top but misses a splash. Young fires up and hits a back body drop and then a Death Valley Driver for two. He tries the Flair flip in the corner, and it winds up working for him, and he hits a top-rope elbow drop for two. They trade pinning combinations but neither man can hold the other down. Young goes back up top but this time Magnus knocks him down. Magnus gets on the second rope and is able to flatten Young with a Super Tormentum to get the pin at 4:46. That was even shorter than the opener but they had some good energy. It’s too bad about that cross body block spot.
MATCH #3: 10,000 Tacks Match – Matt Morgan vs. Abyss
To win this match all you have to do is throw your opponent into a pile of tacks. Morgan attacks Abyss before the bell and we’re off. The Blueprint controls the opening minutes, both in and out of the ring. Abyss just doesn’t seem to have it together here. Morgan climbs up the pole and retrieves a bag of tacks. Abyss avoids the tacks and takes Morgan down long enough to grab his own bag of tacks. Morgan stops Abyss in his tracks with the Carbon Footprint. Then he wedges a chair between the top and middle turnbuckles. Abyss avoids going into the chair, and hits a low blow before throwing Morgan’s head into the chair. He hits a Black Hole Slam, but not into the tacks. Abyss then opens up the other bag, and turns out that one was filled with shards of glass. Morgan tries to escape up the ramp but Abyss follows him. Abyss tries a chokeslam but Morgan avoids it with a low blow. Morgan then hits the Carbon Footprint, knocking Abyss from the ramp through the tables loaded with tacks on the floor below for the win at 8:48. This feud just seems to keep going without much direction. The match was fine.
MATCH #4: TNA Women’s Knockout Championship – Sojo Bolt vs. Awesome Kong
Kong has been the champion since 10.23.08, and this is her third defense. She wastes no time in asserting her dominance on the former Kongtourage member. Sojo tries to hit and run to subdue the champion, and she winds up blowing the same cross body spot that Eric Young blew earlier, but in a different way. Kong is soon in control again, wearing the challenger down. Sojo continues trying to use quickness and what-not, but Kong is just too awesome. She tries a rana off the top rope but Kong catches her in an Awesome Bomb to retain the title at 4:19. This was totally a television match.
MATCH #5: Scott Steiner vs. Samoa Joe
Joe charges the ring and they’re not waiting to start this one. He’s all over Steiner, pounding him about the head and face. Steiner is busted open, and Joe hits a suplex and more shots to the head. The referee distracts Joe, giving Steiner the chance to recover and hit Novocain. Steiner grabs a lead pipe, but Joe hits him with a series of kicks to the head before he can make it back to the ring. The referee tries to reprimand Joe, so he takes the pipe and bashes Steiner with it and tosses the referee out. Another referee comes down and Joe takes him out as well, and Steiner wins by disqualification at 1:29. Not much of a match obviously.
MATCH #6: TNA Legends Championship – AJ Styles vs. Booker T
Booker has been the champion since 10.23.08, and this is his fifth defense. They start off with some chain wrestling, with both guys going after the arm. Booker gets a brief bit of offense before AJ comes back with his signature dropkick. The champ tries to take a powder but AJ follows him out with a flying forearm off the ring apron. Back in the ring AJ control the action. After a few moments Booker catches AJ with a hot shot and a spin kick for two. Booker goes to work on AJ’s arm now. AJ almost makes a comeback but Booker hits a nice superkick for two. The challenger ducks a clothesline and hits a German Suplex with a bridge for two. He tries a springboard but Booker knocks him out of the air with a kick (sort of). Booker tries the Axe Kick but AJ avoids it and hits the Pele. AJ hits the Styles Clash and gets the pin to win the Legends Title at 9:15. That was solid but better suited to free TV. I find myself saying that a lot during TNA pay-per-views.
MATCH #7: Off the Wagon Challenge – Team 3D vs. Beer Money, Inc.
Beer Money has been the champions since 1.11.09, and this is their sixth defense. Team 3D is putting their careers on the line for this shot at the titles. Devon and Roode start the match; Roode gets an early advantage and gloats about it. Ray tags in and Roode takes advantage of him too, and then tags Storm for much of the same. To say they’re starting the match slowly would be accurate. Ray does some comedy – not like his career is on the line or anything. 3D takes a brief advantage before the champions come back once again. Devon comes back with a double clothesline. He makes the hot tag to Ray, who cleans house on the champions. Roode comes back with a blockbuster on Ray. You know, for careers being on the line this match sure doesn’t feel that important. The referee loses control and people are coming and going. Ray hits the Bubba Bomb on Roode for two. Devon rejoins the ring and they hit a double neckbreaker but Roode kicks out again! Storm brings a chair into the ring and hits Ray with it for the DQ at 9:56. Jim Cornette doesn’t like that though, so he comes out and gives the “these people want to see a winner and a loser” speech. He restarts the match as a No-DQ match. Back in the ring 3D hits the 3D on Storm but Roode pulls the referee out. Roode then grabs Storm and they retreat to the back and get counted out at 1:24 (total match time 11:20). What a stupid finish to a boring match. I hate everything about Team 3D.
MATCH #8: Ultimate X Match: X Division Championship – Alex Shelley vs. Chris Sabin vs. Jay Lethal vs. Consequences Creed vs. Suicide
Shelley has been the champion since 1.11.09, and this is his fifth defense. I don’t expect to do a lot of play-by-play here. The Machine Guns take the early advantage by working as a team. This is Suicide’s debut match, by the way. Everyone gets a chance to show some of their stuff in the early going. Sabin makes the first attempt at grabbing the belt but Creed cuts him off. A few minutes later Suicide is able to take everyone out and goes after the belt, but Lethal knocks him down with a dropkick. Creed tries to grab the belt, but hesitates when he sees Lethal below him. The Guns get back in the ring now for some tag team action. The action is moving pretty quickly here and they’re doing some cool stuff. It’d be nice to see the Machine Guns against Lethal Consequences in a regular 15-minute tag match on a pay-per-view. The requisite Tower of Doom spot takes out everyone but Suicide, so the masked man goes after the belt once again. Lethal stops him with a powerbomb down to the canvas. Minutes later all four challengers are climbing toward the belt, and Suicide takes a leap just like Christopher Daniels did back at No Surrender 2006 to knock everyone down and grab the belt at 14:11. That was fun chaos and they did some neat spots.
MATCH #9: TNA World Heavyweight Championship – Kurt Angle vs. Sting, w/ Special Guest Referee Jeff Jarrett and Special Guest Enforcer Mick Foley
Sting has been the champion since 10.12.08, and this is his seventh defense. Can anyone explain where TNA gets 12 World Title reigns for Angle? The crowd is evenly split between both competitors. They trade control early on as the crowd stays hot. Sting clotheslines Angle to the floor, and the challenger jaws with Foley. Back in the ring, moments later Sting backdrops Angle over the ropes and to the floor. The champion follows the challenger out and throws him around ringside and into the crowd. Back in the ring once again and Sting is firmly in control. Angle gouges Sting in the eye and hits a suplex to take control. He works Sting over for several minutes until they both try a cross body block at the same time and knock each other down. They make it back up and exchange blows. Sting counters an Angle Slam with an armdrag and then hits a powerbomb for two. Jarrett has been an even-handed official thus far. Angle comes back and tries the Ankle Lock but Sting avoids it, so Angle hits rolling German Suplexes instead. Sting counters another Angle Slam, but when he misses the Stinger Splash Angle finally hits the Angle Slam for a two-count! Angle then hits a nice moonsault but Sting once again kicks out at two. Sting hits a Scorpion Death Drop but Angle kicks out at two. Jarrett takes a bump and Sting locks on the Scorpion Deathlock. Foley tries to wake Jarrett up as Angle taps out. Angle hits an Angle Slam and Foley makes the two-count. The frustrated challenger hits the Special Guest Enforcer with a low blow, and then brings a chair in the ring. Jarrett has been out an awfully long time from just a clothesline. Foley prevents Angle from using the chair, and then accidentally hits Sting with it. Angle hits Foley with the Angle Slam and then wakes Jarrett up to make the count. Sting kicks out at two! Frustrated once again, Angle spits on Jarrett and tries to punch him. Jarrett blocks and hits a punch of his own. Sting then hits the Scorpion Death Drop to score the pin and retain the TNA World Title at 13:51. I don’t much care for Sting and all the shenanigans his matches need to have to be interesting. This wasn’t too bad, but it’s hardly main event level.
Tags: Destination X, Jeff Jarrett, Kurt Angle, Mick Foley, Sting