Blu-ray Review: Allan Quatermain and the Lost City of Gold

Sharon Stone USA : 1985 Réalisateur : Jack Lee Thompson Sharon Stone
USA : 1985
Réalisateur : Jack Lee Thompson

If you’ve ever been sitting around thinking of what kind of movie you want to watch and you thought, “Gee, I wanted to watch an Indiana Jones film, but I want it to suck and I don’t want it to Crystal Skull”, Then Allan Quartermain and the Lost City of Gold is the film for you.

It’s pretty amazing how much this film rips off Indiana. The score practically sounds like a note for note rip off. Then, if that weren’t bad enough, they throw in a little Goonies score whenever they get around the gold for good measure.

Picking up where King Solomon’s Mine left off Richard Chamberlain and Sharon Stone are back as Quartermain and Jesse Huston respectively. Round out the cast you have James Earl Jones as Umslopogaas, the big tuff African guy who helps out on their adventure, Robert Donner (best remembered as Exidor from Mork and Mindy) in brown face as Swarma, in a racist roll that would make Mickey Rooney proud, Henry Silva as the Agon, the crazy evil ruler of the Lost City of Gold, Aileen Marson as the good queen and Cassandra Peterson as the evil queen. The film tries to bill itself as a comedy, but when you cast Cassandra Peterson as an evil queen in a comedy and give only a few minutes screen time and no dialog, you obviously aren’t trying to make your film funny, and you’re wasting one of the best talents you have in your film.

So Allan and Jesse are about to head back to the States to get married when Allan learns where is long lost brother might be, and where he might be is the Lost City of Gold. Thusly, Allan puts together a team consisting of the bad ass Umslopogaas, the worthless Swarma and a group of five natives that play the role of red shirts in this story, each quickly dying off one after the other as they come across one obstacle or another on their journey.

Continuing to rip off Indiana Jones, Stone (in a Razzie nominated role) is basically playing a low rent Kate Capshaw ala her character Willie Scott from The Temple of Doom. If you thought Willie was kind of annoying, then you won’t be able to stand Jesse. She takes Willie’s annoying tendencies to scream at every little thing and cranks them up to 11.

Pretty much everyone is terrible in this film. Even James Earl Jones manages not to be good, though, that said, he is the best actor in the film and does his best to salvage what he can from his scenes. Yet, even with all of his talent and gravitas, he fails miserably.

The special effects are laughably bad, even for the time that the film was made. I can only assume that this film didn’t have half the budget that Temple of Doom did. Though, I’m pretty sure the scenes that take place under the City of Gold were shot on the same sets that were used for the underground scenes in Doom, because they look identical.

There you have it. Allan Quartermain and the Lost City of Gold is one of the worst films I’ve seen in a while and I just saw Tomorrowland at the Drive-In.

The film is presented in 2.35:1 and DTS Stereo. Why anyone bothered remastering this film is beyond me, but they did a damn good job, because this crappy film looks really good.

You get the trailer.

There were certainly parts of this film that were so bad I laughed out loud at them, but I don’t think I’d go so far as to say this film is so bad it’s good. I imagine there are some people out there who might think that, and good on them for it. I personally hope I never have to see this film ever again.

Olive Films presents Allan Quartermain and the Lost City of Gold. Written by: Gene Quintano and Lee Reynolds. Directed by: Gary Nelson. Based on the novel “Allan Quartermain” by H. Rider Haggard. Starring: Richard Chamberlain, Sharon Stone, James Earl Jones, Henry Silva, Robert Donner and Cassandra Peterson. Running time: 99 min. Rating: PG. Released on DVD: March 31, 2015.

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