Metalhead Reviews Tough Enough 2015, Episode 3: Puppies and Packages

And back we are for week 3 of Tough Enough, Chris Jericho and Renée Young are still your hosts, Daniel Bryan, Paige and Hulk Hogan are still your judges and Sara Lee immediately gets some extra pressure from them. Step up or get out, girl. Poor Little Mouse…

At the barracks, the 10 remaining hopefuls discuss last week’s elimination and events with Patrick quite happy about Alex being gone and Sara Lee wondering why everyone’s says she got no personality. Tanner reassures her by saying he would marry her. Shush Tanner, don’t speak about marriages or you’ll wake the Princess. And sure enough, there is Dianna complaining about nobody liking her and wanting to prepare her own marriage. Ok all together now, IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT THERE, GO HOME! And, surprisingly, that’s exactly what she does, packing her bags and getting out. Wow.

Billy Gunn really likes playing the Human Alarm Clock as he once again gives our contestants a rude awakening. Apparently everybody was oblivious to Dianna leaving so Billy gleefully brought them up to speed and urges anyone else with quitting ambitions to do so now so he doesn’t have to waste his time. Breakfast time and guess what the main subject of discussion is? Right. Everybody seems quite happy about this turn of events except Gabi who needs a new ally.

Challenge time and we find ourselves at Metropolis Productions (don’t ask me where or what that is, I just read it off the facade). Lots of costumes here and sure enough, the challenge is playing a character. Billy Gunn and Lita introduce this week’s Special Guest who is none other then your WWE Champion, Seth Rollins who makes a remarked entrance in a Jellow jeep. Or is that a Humvee? I have no idea. Anyway, Gabi gets wet again. I’m starting to detect some sort of thing between Gabi and beards. Which is funny considering her husband is beardless.

Contestants have to pick a paper out of a hat and create, whit the help of costumes and props, the character described on said paper. Hilariously Not a Barbie Amanda gets Barbie-doll. Yes that was not propped at all. Josh gets British Brawler, Giorgia has to play Bitchy Boss, Mada is King of the Ring, Daria pick Fallen Angel, Tanner is unimpressed with Stud Muffin, ZZ is our next American Hero, Sara Lee has her work cut out for her with Queen of Mean, Patrick has Evil Intellect and Gabi goes Farmgirl. According to Gabi there are no farms in Brazil apparently. Get out of you Penthouse more often.

Besides giving a speech that was much more interesting that Roman Reigns babble last week, Seth Rollins earned some extra points by walking around and counseling everybody on their choice of costumes and props. I had to laugh when Rollins told Amanda to embrace her Barbie-doll side. My thoughts exactly.

Back live and the judges make short work of Dianna by saying good riddance and already wondering what her name was. “Princess… Ermh… Brother?” Thank you for that one, Hulk.

Character challenge continues as each contestant has to make an entrance and play out their character. First up is Jayde the Queen of Mean, aka Sara Lee the Quiet Little Mouse. Suffice it to say she looked about as mean as a sleeping cat.That spiked bra was cool though. Brooklyn Brawler… Sorry British Brawler Josh is next and cracks everybody up with what he thinks is a British accent. Even I  have a better accent than that and I’m French for gawd’s sake. Still not a bad effort. Epic fail for Daria’s Fallen Angel character, Fallen does not mean you have to fall, Daria. The Jersey Devil is really struggling here. Stud Muffin Tanner comes out as an unconvincing Wildman Wayne and chalks up the second fail when he trips while trying to jump over the third rope. Unimpressive to say the least. Fishnet Farm-girl Gabi does a strip-tease, which is her forte I think. Like Billy Gunn said, male fans are gonna like that, Patrick certainly did. The office is gonna like it too. I read Diva in Gabi’s future and that has nothing to do with her in-ring talents. Patrick does the Evil Mastermind with Lita’s dog. Oh why not at this point. Amanda nails the Barbie thing to no-one’s surprise. And we get a sign of things to come with a conversation about puppies. And no, they’re not Lita’s this time. Mada impresses as the Pharoah, he is the one guy who might actually have a personality to go along with his looks. Giorgia is smoking hot as the Bitchy Boss. Oh yeah, I want a boss like that. And finally, ZZ presents us with his version of the “Full Package”. Oh dear. Judges are not amused at ZZ’s attempts at hamming it up, and while I was laughing, you have to agree with them, this was ridiculous. Poor ZZ is crestfallen.

Back at the barracks, ZZ still doesn’t understand, and Gabi decides to take Sara Lee under her wing, and immediately shows her around in Gabi-World with a round of gossiping. Subject is Amanda’s (fake) puppies and Daria/Diarrhea’s manners. Fascinating. Patrick and Tanner are arguing again and, they finally go at it. For real. Or so it is showed. Short pull apart brawl, broken up by Josh mainly. Note to tanner, when you’re facing a grappler, don’t grapple.

Back live and Bryan makes fun of Tanner for producing the worst fight he ever saw. Paige continues to launch attacks at the Lady, stating Sara Lee’s entrance sucked and proposing Hooker T as a ring name for Gabi. Ouch. The discussion then shifts to ZZ’s package and whether it’s fake or not. My new personal hero, Chris Jericho, gets the discussion (if you can call it that) back on track and the bottom three are: ZZ, Sara Lee and Daria. They need to perform their entrances again.

According to Bryan, Sara Lee puts the snotty in mean, and I it’s difficult to disagree with him. My purring cat sill looks meaner. ZZ hams it up again but this time he manages to get Hulk Hogan on his side. I don’t know anymore about ZZ, he’s funny and all but he still has no clue. Daria did a somewhat improved and at least more thought about version of her fallen angel, but will it be enough? Time for speeches, Daria talks about her legitimacy. That won’t get you far in WWE, girl. ZZ wants to appeal to children and Sara Lee pushes herself in the underdog position. Smart. ZZ crushes everybody with 52%, Sara Lee doesn’t do badly with 34%, leaving Daria with 14%. An emotional Daria then says goodbye.

Tough talk with Miz follows up with a cat-fight between Gabi, Amanda and Daria, subject being all things fake. I don’t know about her puppies, but Gabi seemed the most real of the three, she might be a bitch but she, at least, knows exactly what she’s doing. Amanda and Daria just came over as hysterical at times. ZZ broke it up by claiming his boobs were real. We believe you ZZ. Paige wanted to kick everyone’s ass for not watching “Beast in the East” when it aired. Only Patrick made the effort which earned him extra points with the judges. And some more Patrick and Tanner argues. Mada shared his experience during the Egyptian revolution which was quite riveting and reminded everybody that there are much more serious things in the world than a Tough Enough competition. Miz continues to be great in his role.

Some more thoughts:

ZZ’s package seemed to be everywhere this episode, I’m not sure that’s a good thing.

Jericho’s role seems to diminish with every episode.

Paige is Tough Enough’s answer to Simon Cowell.

If this becomes a contest about who has the best puppies amongst the woman, Sara Lee is in trouble. My female favorite is still Giorgia, with Gabi a close second.

Patrick still has the edge amongst the male contestants, but if Mada can challenge that intensity into something workable, he could be serious competition. Tanner is starting to bore me.

Daria started out well enough, but I felt she was disintegrating as the shows passed. I don’t see her in a wrestling ring anytime soon. It’s perhaps harsh to say but I think I’ll enjoy TE more now that she isn’t on there anymore. That voice. Urghs.

The Princess is gone. Or is she?

My picks for next week’s elimination: still Amanda with the females, Josh with the males.

Seth Rollins shined in his role as Guest Star, I was impressed by his impassioned speech. Rollins crushes Reigns in the battle of the Guest Stars.

See you all next week for more Tough Enough!

 

 

 

 

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